Saturday, December 9, 2017

DON’T BE A MEME


My loathing for memes has been well documented on this blog.  Yes, I realize I use them as a means to break up the words in my posts with humor, and I’ll most likely end up doing it in this very post, but stick with me here.  Memes are employed by the uncreative as a means to replicate humor without actually investing the time or energy necessary to understand how comedy occurs; the necessary sense of timing, irony and absurdism required to elicit a laugh.  Instead, it’s just plug and play and repetition; we just keep posting the same memes and laughing at the same jokes.  It absolves the user of the need to think.  Well goddamn if people aren’t trying to live their lives like a meme, and it’s having the same outcome; stale, with no progress and no thinking.

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There is literally a meme about the topic of memes being overused underthought comedy...have we reached critical mass yet?

Memes in training have become super pervasive.  People don’t want to think critically when it comes to training and nutrition, and they look for the quickest 4 word solution to live their lives around.  Want to gain weight?  GOMAD, duh!  For those of you at home that haven’t been exposed to that insanity, GOMAD is the abbreviated way to say “Gallon of Milk a Day” because, of course, in our quest to save as much time and put as little effort as possible in communication, we of course came up with a helpful acronym for a non-helpful answer.  And I say this as someone who DID drink a gallon of milk a day while running 20 Rep Squats; but it wasn’t the only damn thing I did to gain weight.  I ate big and well on top of that, with a focus on protein rich foods and much non-junk carbohydrates, AND I trained with as much intensity as possible.  I did all this because I actually read the nutritional section in Super Squats.  GOMAD isn’t a weightgain solution; it’s a goddamn meme.

We see this crap in training too.  “Everything over 5 reps is cardio”.  HAROFL!  Good one dude!  Oh wait, you’re seriously living your life off of a throwaway joke?  You’ve become a caricature of an actual athlete.  A parody of an actual functioning human.  You’ve become the meme of the “fat powerlifter” which doesn’t actually exist, because those dudes don’t make it through a full meet.  Even the SHWs at Westside were pulling sleds and working in greater than 5 reps, but you went and decided to remove critical thinking from your training plan and deduce that both reps above 5 AND cardio are bad for you.  Yeah, good luck with that one champ; you decided to become a meme.

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And now memes about the results of following memes...I just...I just...

This is pervasive everywhere in training; I’m only scratching the surface.  IIFYM bro!  Are you serious?  Yeah, I get it; it came about as a revolution against people that were sticking to strict diets of “clean” foods...which I guess was just awful?  Oh yeah, first, I’m sure there are some chuckleheads reading going “Clean foods?  Does that mean you washed it first?  HAHAROFLS” Yeah shut up for a second, you sound stupid.  The rest of us all know what the hell we mean by clean foods, and many kids that embraced the IIFYM meme want to pretend that micronutrients and fiber aren’t real things.  Yeah, there are people out there that GET the intent behind it and are able to eat a diet rich in nutritious foods WHILE still finding room for ice cream and pop tarts, but there are just as many that decided to embrace the shield of IIFYM because it absolves them of the need to think.

We see this with the Keto zealots, who have decided that, as long as it puts them in ketosis, it must be magic.  We see this with strongman who refuse to bench because “I’m a strongman bro!”  Guys with ripped and bleeding calluses who skip days of training rather than wearing gloves because “I don’t have a matching purse!”  For Christ’s sakes people; these a jokes!  They were never meant to be taken seriously.  The people in the know made them as a brief shorthand to summarize a greater series of ideas, and the cliffnotes scholars of the world decided to ignore the textbooks and just look at the highlights.

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Those of my readers who regularly skim my blog probably think I REALLY like this movement

You get what you put into this, and that includes the mental activity.  When you invest a little brainpower and spend some time actually thinking about WHY you do the things you do, you do yourself a service.  If you want to turn your brain off and spout memes, at least hire a capable coach that can allow you the freedom to do that!  Pay some cash and get a good prescription that you can memorize and regurgitate and zombie through on your way to success.  You either put in brainpower or you put in cash, but either way you gotta pay something.



Saturday, December 2, 2017

EVERYTHING YOU DO IS STUPID


After having spent enough time on the internet, I’ve found that probably one of the greatest of insults one can levy upon another is the accusation that the activity one engages is in stupid.  People will use a variety of different adjectives and modifiers to convey certain degrees of stupidity and colorful language is abound, but fundamentally, it always boils down to “the thing that you do is stupid”.  And people absolutely fly off the handle once this accusation is unfolded.  All sorts of bizarre scenarios are concocted to explain why it’s necessary to engage in this activity, other activities are brought into the judgement of the audience as a necessary compassion of stupidity, the stupidity of the accuser is put into light, etc etc.  Round and round we go attempting to ensure, above all else, that we walk away KNOWING that the thing we do isn’t stupid…but why does that even matter?  Most certainly, the thing that you do is stupid.

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Especially if you are this guy


I’m of course going to go nihilistic here, but let’s be honest; what thing to do ISN’T stupid?  Take the million mile view on this one; the Earth has existed for so much longer than we have, and our lifespans are so short in comparison it’s not even a blip on the radar.  The memory of us MIGHT last a few generations, and if we’re a really big deal, maybe even a few millennia, but even THAT isn’t that much.  And even if the memory of us were to last until the end of time, that’s just it; eventually time WILL end.  The imminent heat death of the universe will occur, the sun will explode, space and time will collapse in on themselves, something will be divided by zero, Cthulhu will rise, etc etc.  Absolutely nothing we do matters.  Everything we do is stupid.  Trying to justify why what you do is smart is failing to be at peace with your frail mortality and attempting to pacify your existential angst of the unknown by some sort of banal notion that “you” will live on, whether through some sort of religious afterlife or via memory.


Well that’s pretty goddamn depressing, so now what?  Here’s the thing; there is some sort of bizarre de facto accepted argument that, because a thing is stupid, it is not worth doing.  This is typically what is implied when one slings accusations of stupidity at an action; they’re actually trying to say “that activity is not worth doing [because it is stupid]” rather than just making a declarative statement of fact.  Bullcrap I say.  So many things that are worth doing are completely and utterly ridiculously stupid.

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Although this movie should have never been made

You know what’s absolutely stupid?  Falling in love.  Think about it; you’re really going to diminish the survival odds of the species by committing yourself to one single human (or maybe a few if you’re into that I guess) by an emotional bond?  Hell no!  The smart play is to get out there, form zero emotional attachments, mate with as many people as you possibly can through cold, detached mechanical sex and sire many progeny.  And hey; when you form no emotional bonds with people, that means you won’t ever get hurt by them either.  But man, how much of actual LIFE do you miss out on when you do this really smart thing eh?  And we already established life is short and meaningless, so why not get the most feelings out of it as possible before it all goes away.


Hobbies?  How stupid.  You don’t get paid for hobbies; you PAY for hobbies.  You’re really going to go take that money that you spent time to accumulate and go spend it on hobbies?  Way to go genius; now you need to work even more!  Just imagine how much smarter you’d be if you lived a cold miserable existence devoid of any joy or recreation, where you simply worked as many hours as possible and lived as meagerly as possible with no excess.  You’d have SO much more money to spend on…well, nothing really.  Crap, sometimes even being smart is pretty damn stupid.

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At least now you'll have time to lift

LIFE exists in those stupid things we do. It’s when we choose to be stupid that we get to be human and experience the full range of our incredibly complex psyche.  But didn’t I earlier say that life was meaningless and just a blip and nothing we do matters?  Yes I did; which is why you need to quit taking yourself so goddamn seriously.  Laugh at what you are and acknowledge that, yup, what you’re doing is stupid.  Lifting weights is so incredibly stupid, getting bigger and stronger is ridiculously stupid, finding other humans to compete against in contests where you’re measuring who is the biggest and the strongest is the zenith of stupidity.  Probably the only thing stupider than all of this is engaging in an argument about whose activity is the REAL stupid one.


This is why it does not offend me when I am told what I am doing is stupid.  I am constantly told by super helpful internet warriors that the form I use is stupid, my programming is stupid, my diet is stupid, etc etc.  What do I say in response?  “I am a very stupid person”.  It robs the conversation of momentum, takes power from the accuser, and honestly represents the reality of the situation.  I am at peace with the fact that I am a stupid person doing stupid things.  Who isnt’?