QUIT ASKING FOR MORE RULES

I’ve been bigger and stronger than my peers for longer than I haven’t been at this point.  I started lifting weights 22 years ago, and once I got to college and had access to a real weight room and a dinning hall that served me all the food I could want, I exploded in size and strength and road that out for quite a while.  Along with that, I’ve trained martial arts off and on since the age of 9.  I say all this not to bloviate about what a badass I am, but more to point out that I’ve never felt a need to threaten physical violence on anyone.  If nothing else, there’s always just been an assumption of my capabilities (which fits in well with my “more trouble than I am worth” approach).  But ONE time, I was compelled to break kayfabe and actually threaten someone.  Allow me to explain.

Oh my god I just love this

One time, as part of a workplace “leadership building” seminar/retreat, I was put in a team of around 10 people, and we were given a task to accomplish and told the rules of engagement.  Right away, my deviant mind identified some holes in the rules that were going to make the project MUCH easier…and suddenly, to my horror, I saw one of my peers raise their hands and ask a clarifying question about the rules that, in turn, resulted in MORE rules being established there on the spot, reducing my ability to exploit loopholes and game the system.  I said point blank “Oh my god: did you really just ask for MORE rules?”  They laughed it off and raised their hand again, at which point, I said flat out “If you do not put your hand down, I will beat you into a coma”.  Once again, they laughed…then looked at me and saw no smile or sign that I was joking.  They looked at the person proctoring our assignment, looked back at me, and then put their hand down.  The best part of that story?  The proctor thanked me after that.

So first, a good lesson that, sometimes, the simplest solution is the most effective.  Rather than try to argue, persuade, or convince this person, I resorted to the quickest solution I had.  Let’s take that lesson with training and nutrition and keep things simple until they can’t be.  But the REAL big lesson here: QUIT ASKING FOR MORE RULES!  Oh my god, seriously!

You are everything I can't stand whenever we play

What do I mean by this?  I’m talking about all the self-imposed rules that trainees inflict that absolutely limit themselves in reaching their goals.  I spend a LOT of time on a subreddit dedicated to gaining weight, which I’m sure to many readers is a confounding idea when we exist in a world where obesity is rapidly becoming the number 1 killer of the population, but that just goes to prove the point.  The folks who are struggling to gain weight struggle BECAUSE they keep asking for more rules.  Gaining weight should be simple: eat more food.  If we want this weight to be MUSCLE, it’s a LITTLE more nuanced: eat more food AND train so hard it becomes muscle.  But you’d be SHOCKED at some of the “more rules” these folks want.  They have to hit certain macro percentages, they can only do it while eating “clean” bodybuilding foods ala chicken breasts, white rice and broccoli, they have to do it while intermittent fasting, they have to do it using only shakes, they have to do it eating only yummy food that is cheap and takes no effort to prepare (let’s call a spade a spade there and just say they’re being lazy), etc etc.  WHY do they want so many rules?  Why can’t it simply be “I want to gain weight, there’s food to eat, I’ll eat more of it!”  There are SO many stories of athletes crushing Little Debbies and fried chicken and burgers and pizza and etc etc on their quest to gain: surely we can at least put away a PBJ and not have an existential meltdown?

And oh my goodness the rules around training that we HAVE to follow.  We apparently HAVE to train a muscle group 2x a week or else we wasted ALL of our gains.  And this means the only appropriate way to train is a push/pull/legs split where we lift 6 times a week, or else we didn’t use enough volume to generate stimulus.  Jesus Christ, folks, Stuart McRobert has programs where you train the whole body 3 times in 2 WEEKS and he STILL got kids to grow.  People have been lifting weights without rules for SO long and seeing crazy growth.  It’s honestly REALLY hard to lift weights wrong: believe me, I’ve tried.  My best growth happened when I started doing EVERYTHING “wrong”.  My 3 “rules” are effort, consistency and time, which, surprisingly enough, so many trainees try to come up with their own rules to circumvent THOSE rules.  “I HAVE to leave 2-3 reps in the tank if I wanna grow!”  Sure thing chief: let’s talk about the fact that when you go “to failure”, you’re ALREADY leaving 2-3 reps in the tank, so when you make the choice to do that, you’re leaving like 6-7 reps in the tank.  But no, I’m sure you’ll grow: you’re following the rules!

When reps DON'T get left in the tank

Should I even get started about the rule on how you absolutely can NOT get injured from training?  How about rules regarding overtraining? What about the rule that says you HAVE to have a coach if you want to learn how to power clean?  Never mind that, every year, thousands of high school freshmen learn how to do it in 15 minutes at some football summer program.  How about the rule that says if you want to get bigger that means you’re training a bodybuilding program?  Ever see how goddamn huge a pro-strongman is?

Quit asking for MORE rules!  You are doomed by your freedom: appreciate that and make the most of it.  You can absolutely carve your own path through this process, do things the way you want to do them, and get the results you want to get.  The only “rules” are working hard, staying consistent, and being patient.  Go low carb, go high carb, go low protein (GASP), do single sets, do 100 sets, do machines only, do natural stones only, pick whatever rules you want and quit asking for MORE of them.  There are TONS of people out there that will give you more rules if you ask for them: it’s how they make money.  They are fleecing new trainees with the enticement of limitations and restrictions, because people ultimately fear freedom and crave confinement.  Embrace your freedom: quit asking for more rules, go out and exploit the loopholes, and if someone wants to limit you, beat them into a coma.

…metaphorically, of course.