Dear readers, I have, once again, returned from a cruise, wherein I engaged in a one-man reign of terror against the entire species of sheep in my quest to consume enough lamb to attempt to achieve the physique of the farnese Hercules. But between bouts of consuming copious amounts of ruminant animals, I found myself inclined to walk in order to aid my digestion, and wondered into one of the shops onboard this Disney cruise, wherein I observed my inner-child and past-self all at once in the form of a pre-pubescent youth armed with a “Pirates of the Caribbean” plastic cutlass. Disney sells a ton of these on the ship, as each cruise has a “Pirate Night” theme, wherein we all dress in our pirate gear, eat a pirate themed cuisine (which, yes, DID include lamb), and watch fireworks out at sea. However, this youth was NOT in his pirate gear: he sported a pair of purple Crocs, green athletic shorts, tube socks and a baby blue hoodie, which did not hide the substantial paunch of a belly he was already sporting at a young age. Which, again: I was observing my past-self there, for I was the same fat kid in the goofy get up. But I also recognized in this youth the same mentality I had as well, for with the sword in his hand I saw him fixated on the blade and the implications behind it. NOW he was a warrior: armed with a weapon of war and ready to engage the enemy. And, in turn, it led me to realize how much we are all just boys with swords, completely oblivious to the fact that, though we may have sword in hand, we’re also sporting a set of Crocs and athletic shorts with our paunch pressing against our baby blue hoodie. It doesn’t matter if you have the tools of a warrior in your hand if you, yourself, are not a warrior.
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| I'm sure that kid sees me just like Leela sees this fly |
We see this
so much in the world of physical transformation: trainees get so fixated on
“the sword” that they never take stock in the arm that swings it. What good is a cutlass in the hands of a
small fat kid in a pair of purple Crocs compared to an unarmed man with the
capacity for great physical destruction by the sheer nature of their
physicality? The same holds true with
all the “swords” of physical transformation.
So many trainees fixate on having the right PROGRAM in order to achieve
the results they need. They spend months
pairing the right movements with the exact right amount of reps and sets in the
right split with the right frequency training to the right amount of
failure…and achieve nothing. Why? Because the arm swinging this sword is the
arm of a child: not a warrior. They
don’t actually put in the EFFORT necessary to make this program work, they
don’t invest the necessary degree of fanatical adherence and reverence to the
program, they don’t live, sweat and breathe the training…
…AND they
quite often come in with the capabilities of a child rather than a
warrior. Which is to say, they are too
unfit to actually train hard enough to make results or recover well enough to
grow. They are too poorly conditioned to
recover well enough between sets and workouts, they are too poorly coordinated
to be able to control the weights in a manner to achieve the intended training
stimulus, and they simply lack the ability to even push hard enough to be able
to even achieve any meaningful results, which is why many ultra beginner
programs tend to have LOTS of reps and volume included, because we know that
the beginner simply can’t push hard enough in 1-2 sets to be able to achieve an
outcome. Before we pick up this sword,
let’s trade out our purple Crocs and green athletic shorts for a set of boots
and pants, shall we?
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| Although sometimes we lose the pants in the pursuit of becoming a warrior... |
And what of
the sword of nutrition? We see this with
those that hyperfixate on quantity vs quality.
They wield the sword of macronutrients, armed with the power of CICO,
and believe that they have all the tools necessary to achieve their desired
physical outcomes. As long as they eat X
amount of carbs, Y amount of protein and Z amount of fats in order to achieve
XX amount of calories, they will succeed!
…and then they achieve this by consuming the purple Crocs of nutrition
inherent in packaged processed garbage, many times because it’s easier to count
calories or macros when the food comes pre-packaged and measured for us. I’ve known trainees that were spending top
dollar for pre-made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because they didn’t want
to take the time to bust out the food scale to measure out their intake: and
that was honestly the healthiest choice they were making! These folks live off fast food and protein
bars because it makes it easier for them to punch in their numbers into their
app, and then they wonder why they still look like a melted candle after years
of dieting and training. As much as we
want to fixate on the sword of CICO and Macros, the sword arm of QUALITY
nutrition still holds true. The hormonal
impact of eating quality food, along with WHEN we eat it, is going to have a
say in the impact of the CO portion of CICO, and if macros are the only thing
that matter, go ahead and get ALL of your fats from Omega 6s for a few years
and let me know how that turns out for you.
For a real fun trick, pair that with getting all your carbs from
fructose: you will blow your cardiologist’s mind, especially when you did such
a good job staying away from those “harmful” saturated fats in eggs…
And there
are SO many other swords out there. The
sword of supplements? How many perpetual
undereaters think that they’ll see the growth they desire once they buy the
latest “mass gainer” that is just a bunch of maltodextrin mixed with low
quality protein powder? Or those
desperately seeking the “edge” of naturally elevating their testosterone with a
supplement when they haven’t engaged in any of the other readily available
natural remedies like sleeping more, eating better, being less fat, getting
more sunlight, drinking less alcohol, having less stress, etc etc. Or perhaps the sword of equipment? All those trainess who are absolutely
CONVINCED that it’s the glute ham raise or reverse hyper that’s missing from
their lives, and once they get these they’re SURE to see the growth they
need. Ignoring the generations that came
before them that got significantly big and strong armed with just a barbell and
some plates: if THAT! Hell, we can
combine all those points into one, remembering the story of Henry “Milo”
Steinborn, who grew up slight of frame and employed 20 rep squats with a
barbell that he had to tip onto its side, since there were no squat racks,
along with copious amounts of real food and milk, in order to become big and
strong enough to earn his nickname. He
wasn’t focused on the sword: he was focused on the arm that swings it.
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| Or swings the barbell in this case |
Let us
assess and take stock of our current situation.
Are we truly warriors, or are we the boy in the Crocs with a plastic
sword?
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