-Strength gurus who are weak
-Hypertrophy gurus who are small
-Apologists for the above two that constantly point out that just because someone is small and weak doesn’t mean they don’t know how to get big and strong. I have only ever seen other small and weak people make this claim, and usually it’s because they’re defending their own right to give out training advice when they have no idea what they’re talking about. Knowledge is dandy, experience is king.
-High school/college kids who “don’t have time” to eat, cook, workout or read. I genuinely find that these same people manage to sleep past 0500 everyday and have lots of free time on weekends/evenings to party, watch TV, text their friends, post stupid memes on facebook, and in general waste very precious time. You have lots of time to get crap done if you only sleep 5-6 hours a night.
Comically enough, most of these guys are still sporting more muscular development than many of the people making these claims
-People who call themselves “powerlifters” or say that they are “powerlifting” and have never actually competed in powerlifting.
-The same people who use the false analogy that, since you would call a guy that plays pick up basketball games a “basketball player”, it’s reasonable to call a guy who trains to be stronger in the big 3 a “powerlifter”. This is a stupid argument, because at least the guy playing pick up games is competing with other players, thus meeting the intent of playing the game. A guy just training in the gym not actually competing, even in a friendly way, is simply training. If a guy went to the court 3 hours a day and only shot free throws, he wouldn’t be called a basketball player, he would just be a guy who shoots free throws. I trained boxing for years, never had a fight, and in turn never called myself a boxer.
-The members of the “IIFYM” crowd that seems completely unaware of things like micronutrients, vitamins, minerals, fiber and other potential nutritional considerations.
-People that go weeks without eating a vegetable.
-People that think corn, beans and potatoes count as vegatables.
Pro Tip: If you enjoy eating them, they probably aren't vegetables
-People who think that just because they don’t like something is license to not do it.
-That annoying feeling my shoulder has been making for the past few weeks like it’s going to fall off. It should know by now that pain is just going to piss me off, it won’t make me stop abusing it. It either needs to break or get with the ****ing program.
-People that just plain don’t get it.
-Kids who can’t deadlift 400lbs advising each other on the best pre-workout supplements to take.
-Those same kids wondering why they always feel like they’re going to crap themselves while they’re lifting.
-People that feel the need to psyche themselves up in a commercial gym. It’s a training session, not a competition, you’re just making yourself weaker, and meanwhile, everyone around you thinks you’re an asshole. It’s not hardcore.
If you need this to hit a gym lift, something has gone wrong
-That our culture has grown so passive aggressive and socially retarded that every day there is a new thread on reddit asking about gym etiquette and how to work in with someone while they are lifting. I see it in reality as well. Whenever I end up in a commercial gym, if I ask to work in with someone, one of two things tends to happen. They either panic and just flee from the equipment entirely, or they look at me confused and give me an update on how many sets they have left. Every once in a while though, someone gets it.
-Internet lifting “culture”. Holy shit, if I see another stupid training meme or someone writing “skwats” I may blow out another blood vessel in my eye. In general, “irony” is employed by the unsuccessful as an attempt to mask their failures with humor. I remember back when people talked like adults, now you’re lucky to see a discussion on training with the third response isn’t something like “Brodin skwats OVER 9000 epic bacon zombie Nazis SNAP CITY”.
-How we, as a society, have decided to prize ignorance over intelligence. In turn, those who put effort into become successful are labeled “try hards”.
-Stronglifts 5x5. Has anyone actually accomplished anything on this program?
-People critiquing the form of people deadlifting 900lbs.
-The same people that ask rhetorically “do the rules no longer apply just because you can lift a lot of weight?” The answer is yes. The path to success defines the rules to achieve it, not the other way around. If someone else ISN’T doing what you are doing and they are succeeding, it means YOU are wrong, not them.
-Arguments on the internet. There will never be any resolution, no side will ever agree with the other, and it always boils down to 2 people picking apart single sentences and constructing dumb ad hominem responses. Generally, as soon as someone lets me know they disagree with me online, I let them. I know that I know I’m right, and they know that they know they’re right.
-Skinny kids who don’t realize that just because an argument is illogical doesn’t mean it’s incorrect.
-Internet squat depth judges.
-Whiz kids on the internet that get bent out of shape because someone doesn’t know what some obscure exercise is. Clint Darden once said on youtube that he had no idea what a Romanian deadlift was, and then went on to deadlift 821lbs. It really doesn’t matter if some guy you’re talking to has never heard of a Spoto Press or Kroc rows or the Bent Press, and truth be told, if they achieved success and NEVER heard of these exercises, maybe it goes to show how valuable they aren’t? Quit flexing your big brain for a second.
-People that think wishing is a successful method of obtaining results. Quit wishing your gym had a reverse hyper and just go out and get one.
-People that say they would do ANYTHING to train at the elitefts compound/Westside Barbell/Boss Barbell, etc and then don’t actually quit their job, move across country, live in their cars and panhandle. Let’s not redefine what “anything” means here folks.
-Those who only have academic proof of the success of their methods.
-The whole notion of “good for you” and “bad for you”. Nothing is any one of these things, as “for you” has yet to be defined. If the presumption is always longevity at the expense of everything else, then sure, squatting is not good for you, and may even be bad for you. However, if any of your goals involve being bigger, stronger, better, faster, more able, etc, then you may end up having to do some things that are “bad for you”, because they are now “good for you”.
We miss you George
-How everytime I try out a slingshot/metal catapult, it totally sucks. I’m still sticking with reverse bands.
-That my 8 foot long arms, though awesome for deadlfiting, have made it so that I have enough time to think about all of my other poor life decisions when I am locking out a bench press.
-The amount of vitriol people employ to defend their means of training. You don’t like high bar squats? Don’t do it. Don’t like low bar? Don’t do it. You’re no one’s savior, you don’t have to convince anyone else about the one true path.