Sunday, August 23, 2015

BUFFET OF INSANITY: PART I


This monster turned out to be 2000 words when I was done with it, so I've broken it in half.  There's never any shame in making multiple trips to the buffet folks.

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-Spend a year training “wrong” and you will make more progress than 3 years training right.


-The trap bar has done way more harm than good.


-Why do they make tapered belts?


-I always worry about my grip strength at contests only to realize that I am one of the few people actively training my grip.


-Quite taking yourself so seriously.  It’s just lifting weights.



Usually, when this phrase is used, it's for soldiers that are being shot at in a brutal and bloody battle, but I'm sure the leg press is tough too


-I rarely ever grunt in training, or competition for that matter.


-I know I got old when I considered peanut butter “cheat food”.


-No one has ever used a gym mirror to check their form.


-Sleep is overrated.


-People who deride bodybuilders are often fat and weak.


-I made my worse progress when I tried to ensure I had adequate recovery.


--Wrist wraps don’t seem to do much for me.  They just tend to be good reminders to grip hard.


-Everyone needs a sandbag in training.  Amazing piece of equipment.  However, my Ironmind bag ripped way too easily, so don’t buy that one.


-When I try to lose weight, I drink way more diet soda.  I feel like there needs to be a balance of vices.

Maybe the world would've been better if he just stayed fat

-There are a lot of at people in powerlifting and strongman.  I suppose that’s true about crossfit and distance running too.  Maybe there are just a lot of fat people in general.


-If squat depth is so important, why don’t trainees stand each foot on an elevated platform so that they can squat BELOW ATG?


-I don’t know who said it, but it’s brilliant; “Most programming questions are asking for permission”.  Look to Nike: Just Do It.


-Most kids would be better served reading cookbooks instead of nutritional studies.


-The first thing I look for when someone posts their diet is vegetables.  100% of the time, they aren’t there.


-I really get a laugh out of folks getting their beards caught in the axle on the clean and press and on the stones.  Hopefully this phase will die out soon.

Image result for Paul Anderson
Oh hey, look, someone without a beard or a mohawk lifting huge weights


-I was bored at work one day and re-read all of Matt Kroc’s training log on the elitefts website prior to his transition to bodybuilding.  Lot of good stuff in there.


-I’m at the point in my training where I don’t feel like I need any new movements, just creative programming.


-Cheat days are ridiculous.  A cheat meal on ONE day is reasonable.



Except for this one I ate last week...no joke, that was a bad idea



-Someone else’s’ failure with a method you enjoy does not invalidate your own success with it.


-Make methods work for you, don’t make yourself work for the method.


-The popularity of the deadlift has not been a positive thing.


-Something I want to implement; band/chain dropsets.  Keep the bar weight the same, and just keep taking off bands and/or chains.


-I’ve actually cut my caffeine consumption down pretty substantially.  The biggest victory is none before training.  Pre-workouts are still for chumps.


-I couldn’t even give away the supplements I won at my 5th contest.


-What is with the trend of non-competitors training “like athletes”?  What are these folks peaking for?  That is time spent NOT getting bigger and stronger.  The OFF season is where growth happens.  If you’re going to train like an athlete, train like an off season one.


-I feel like Planet Fitness is worth joining just for the pizza.


-A lot of powerlifters have joined the “Starting Strongman” facebook group, and many seem to forget that it’s strongman.  If I see another “ditch the straps” and “squat to depth” comment, I’m going to violate the “don’t be an asshole” policy.


-Someone posted a flyer of a local gym strongman contest that featured the squat, bench, deadlifts, and clean and press.  A bunch of people were up in arms about that “not being strongman”.  It’s strongman the LEAST strict sport, where all we do is lift heavy stuff?  Hell, we have platinum level shows with MAS wrestling in them for God’s sake.


So yeah, THIS was in WSM, but bench press is unacceptable?

-I drank a gallon of water in the span of 1.5 hours in a meeting and realized by the reactions of the people in the room that, once again, my sense of normalcy is totally warped.


-I still want a spider bar.


-Asking for a form check on assistance lifts is like wanting someone to critique your fingering on air guitar.


-I appreciate the humor in guys wearing skintight underarmor shirts to show off their physique and then dumping squats because the material is terrible at gripping the bar.


-I have never done a high bar squat.


-I am constantly shocked at how many people that I still consider beginners have “clients”.  I am REALLY hoping that they just mean “training partners” and just want to sound more important.  The alternative terrifies me.


-The unaccomplished demand science, not results.


-In many cases, doing something gets better results than doing nothing.


-People are going to expect me to have an opinion on the Matt Kroc transgender issue.  That is so outside my wheelhouse.  As a philosophy fan though, I more wonder about the existential implications.  Was there ever a Matt Kroc?  Who was I following for all that time?  A character?


I don't care what your gender is, this is STILL crazy


-I am so tired of salad.


-Why I don’t eat fish: the whole goal of fish is to make it not taste like itself.  If a fish doesn’t taste “fishy”, it’s cooked correctly.  If a steak doesn’t taste like steak, you ruined it.  I know a scam when I hear one.


-I recently acquired an awesome craigslist score which reminded me of why I love Ironmind.  The buffalo bar feels awesome.  If you’re on the fence, get one.


-I’m bringing dips back into my training.  So far, it’s one max set everyday, trying to PR every time.


-The only people upset about weight cutting are those who are bad at it and non-competitors.


-I’m starting to think that the resurgence of multiply lifting would be a positive simply by making powerlifting less accessible.


-Another year of not foam rolling down.  Pretty soon, I’ll have to retire without having ever done it.

14 comments:

  1. One of my favorite workouts from Stevey P at Ironsport is working up to a 3RM against bands or chains, dropping it, then hitting 3 sets of max reps with the straight weight. I'm sure you could work some drop set in around those parameters, like each max rep set has fewer chain/band tension.

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    1. I remember reading about something like that in the Ironsport Method. Really great book: it's a shame Steve doesn't like to write more.

      And yeah, that's about what I was thinking: tons of chains and bands, and just keep stripping them away as I go. Wouldn't even need much for bar weight.

      Thanks for the comment!

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    2. Changing chains just becomes a real pain in the ass at some point. I have a decent system rigged up, but any more than 3 drops of chains/bands and I'd think you're looking at a long rest interval. Making me want to try it though, I'll probably give it a shot on Thursday and video it.

      Steve has wicked impostor syndrome, but yeah I wish he would too. A lifetime of experience in strength sports, pro in one, plus just an all-around hilarious guy. Oh well.

      I know I should be doing more sandbag, but I fucking hate the sandbag. What do you do with it and why do you think it's so great? I always like reading your unconventional stuff like this, so thanks for posting.

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    3. I don't do a whole lot of unique stuff with the sandbag. I like it for cleans/pressing and as a carry weight for medleys. It's more the versatility of it combined with the low cost that won me over. All purpose sand is $2.50 for 50lbs at Home Depot, and a sandbag runs around $50, meaning that, for a very low cost, you can have an incredibly effective training tool. It also takes up little space. It's the perfect solution for people that "don't have money/space".


      I took one to my in-laws over the Christmas holiday and got in a lot of really good workouts just from cleaning and pressing it. The absolute most brutal was EMOM for 10 minutes of 3 clean and presses. It was about 150lbs when I did that, and I was just floored for about 30 minutes afterwards. Granted, this was in Denver, so the elevation was killing me, but still.

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    4. Oh for sure, if I could only have one thing it'd be a sandbag and I've certainly used it when I haven't been able to get to the gym before. Have you come across any solution for making it easier to change loads? That was my problem, I got it heavy enough to do carries with and then it was way too heavy to do anything else with. If it was light enough for clean/press, it was too light for carries.

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    5. 2 sandbags, haha. That's actually what I'm going to do, but the Kennewick contest had smaller sandbags (like the kind you use for a flood/hurricane) and threw them into the big ironmind sandbag as a way to change things out. You could always just keep the sand in the bag it comes in too, but I'm sure it would eventually rupture.

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    6. Fack. I had them all duct taped to hell in smaller bags, used construction grade plastic trash bags, and they still ruptured. Flood sandbags sound like it'd make it even more awkward, which is guess is kind of the point anyway right?

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    7. Yeah, people were having a big issue picking up the sandbags because of that. Things were loosely packed and it was tough to get a good grip on it. Suppose it makes you better with good equipment.

      But yeah, there are some decently cheap sandbags out there now. Startingstrongman has some good deals. Just like kegs, I can't get enough.

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    8. As promised, your stupid chains/bands dropset. 110lbs of straight weight, about 120lbs of chains on the first set, 60 on the 2nd, then 110+band for the last one. I'd go harder next time, I had no idea what to expect. Will do again though, it's one of those "I have no clue what I'm lifting here but fuckit it's hard, so..."

      https://youtu.be/JW1o4CFsDKY

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    9. Now we just have to come up with a sexy name for it

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    10. Well done dude. I once did a similar set-up with a neck harness added in

      https://youtu.be/PetKMLJFJB4?t=24

      And I think "stupid dropset" is a fine enough name, haha. Really curious to see how it works out when you push it.

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    11. Hahaha. I need to mess with the chain setup a little more so it doesn't unload quite as much at the bottom. Tweaked a hammie on Tuesday so I was still holding back on squats. Next week I'll probably give it another run.

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  2. Can you explain your hate for foam rolling? Every one of these articles you shit on it. I have chronically tight muscles everywhere from sitting in front of a computer for 12 hours everyday for 8 years and foam rolling makes lifting a lot easier. I have only been training legs after breaking a knee for 6 months now and my DL is at 375 and Squat at 285, which I get aren't great numbers, but still.

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    1. It's not a hate for foam rolling: I regard it as a silly thing. I hear how crucial it is, incredibly valuable, necessary, etc etc, and it's just something I have never needed to do. It simply wasn't a thing when I started training, and for decades before that people got incredibly big and strong without it, but these days there is so much out there painting it as a requirement to continue to train. Coincidentally, whenever I compete, I notice that the people who foam roll tend to do poorly while the people who don't tend to do well. It's an interesting observation.

      I also keep getting warnings about how much I'm going to regret it that I never foam rolled, and as I approach 15 years of training and 30 years of age in a few months, it just makes me giggle.


      As with everything I write, one of my biggest tenants is this: if something works for you, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, keep doing it.

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