Friday, December 23, 2016


Alright, I try not to push my goals on others.  I try to let others live their lives and do what they do.  I try to “live and let live”, and I do my thing while you do yours, but oh my god you people are starting to get on my nerves.  I can’t post a youtube video without someone telling me that I’m going to hurt myself, or say some nonsense about “snap city”, or talk about how I’m using bad form or that I’m lifting wrong of any level of ridiculous nonsense.  I’m not pushing my goals on you, but here you are dictating how I should train?  Well allow me a bit of a rebuttal; it’s my turn to do some of my own judging.

Image result for Atlas stones
I am not without sin, but I've still come to throw some pretty big stones

You know what I don’t understand?  Why do you lift weights in the first place?  What are you hoping to accomplish?  If safety is your number 1 priority, why would you voluntarily engage in behavior that contains some sort of risk?  I don’t get it.  Wouldn’t it be far safer to just stay inside and eat some ice cream?  Wouldn’t it be safer if you cracked a book?  I can’t understand your logic here. 

Furthermore, riddle me this; why is it you get more upset when I tell you that you won’t get big or strong than it upsets me when you tell me I’m going to get hurt?  It’s weird how, when I fail to meet your goals, it is of no consequence to me, but when you fail to meet my goals, it is damaging.  The cognitive dissonance you experience when you encounter someone unconcerned with safety or longevity results in borderline cerebral hemorrhaging, but when I observe someone unwilling to do what it takes to get bigger and stronger, I consider it the norm.

Image result for squatting on a bosu ball
Of course, there are always the people that are both unsafe AND ineffective

Where I DO experience this dissonance is when I encounter one of you double-speakers that talk about how you want to do whatever it takes to get bigger and stronger and then freak out over the prospect of injury.  I’ve made my peace here; why won’t you?  Why are you living under this delusion of safety?  Can you even honestly believe it, or are you just hoping that if you say it enough you WILL start to believe it?  Have you drank the koolaid for real, or am I just missing the joke here?

And god, while I am ranting and wondering; just what the Hell is your end game here?  Know why I push myself to the point of breaking?  Because I know this is a young man’s game.  I know that my strength is only going to increase for so long before it decreases.  I know that, if I don’t push now, I’ll never reach my potential.  …what the hell are you training for?  To be the world’s strongest 90 year old?  Why is longevity so important to you?  Don’t get me wrong; Jack LaLanne was awesome, but who really wants to be him? 

Image result for hugh hefner
I feel like more people want to grow up to be like him. I mean; he gets to wear pajamas ALL day

Who really wants to be that guy that doesn’t know when to get out of the game?  Who really wants to be that guy desperately hanging onto the last visages of their youth?  Are you REALLY striving your absolute hardest to be the 80 year old dude at the gym?  Yeah, everyone respects that dude, and props to him for showing up, but goddamn it, why not be a monster in your 30s and 40s?  Who sets out with the end goal to be a really cool octogenarian?  Who will actually spend their prime years NOT living their fullest so that they can save it all up for the end?

It is HARD to watch an athlete who doesn’t know when to hang it up.  To watch them no longer meet their old performances, to see them decline, to see them not be able to hang anymore.  Some folks are like Mark Felix, and can energizer bunny this, but other folks are like Brett Favre, and needed to get out years ago.  Is it really your hope to fade away?

Image result for brett favre meme 
In fairness, this is one of the least hurtful memes about him

I’ll tell you the truth; I want to burn out.  I want to erupt.  No, I’m not talking about suicide, I’m talking about pushing myself so hard that I finally break…and then it’s over.  You see this as a calling, I see it as a curse.  You’re training for your health, I’m training for my hubris.  I can’t WAIT for this to be all over.  I can’t wait to finally be at the point where nothing works anymore; where I have no chance of possibly getting any bigger or stronger, not matter what I do.  I can’t wait to finally be done, because then I can finally move on.  I can stop worrying about getting as big and as strong as possible, and start doing other things.  I can read more, I can learn more, I can have more leisure.

But I can’t get there UNTIL I reach my potential, and I can’t reach my potential unless I push so hard that I break.  You’re playing it safe, and you’re just prolonging the process.  Hell, maybe you’ll always be getting stronger, since your approach is so safe that it’s ineffective.  Maybe that’s why you do what you do, and maybe it upsets you that I’m trying to get to the end so much faster than you.  But that’s the difference between you and I; this isn’t a lifelong pursuit.  There is a clearly defined goal here; get as big and as strong as possible.  Once I do that, it’s finally over, and I can move on, but as long as there is a chance that I can eek out just a little bit more, I’m going to push myself in a stupid direction to get it.  I’ll round my back, blow out my knee, tear apart my shoulders, and destroy my body in the pursuit of making it as strong as possible. 

And once it starts to decline, I can tell myself “this is it.”



  1. You know it's a good one when you have to qualify that you're NOT talking about offing yourself!


    1. Hahaha, I think it was you who commented that I'm always walking that fine line between stoicism and nihilism. I could tell I was definitely traveling far into the latter on this one.

    2. It's a fine line...

      Speaking of big stones, when are you going to become a real strongman and get some atlas stones going? I'm still good on my offer to ship you a mold.

    3. That's super awesome of you to still offer that dude. Once I stop moving so often, it'll be nice to get some stones set up. Or, knowing my real track record, I'll go do a contest, embarrass myself on a stone event, become obsessed with it, make a bunch of stones, do nothing but stones for 3 months, come back and kill it, and then wonder what the hell I'm gonna do with all these goddamn stones, haha.

    4. Honestly they aren't much harder to move than anything else, but my frame of reference might be skewed thanks to the tractor tire. Advantage is they roll. How have you done on stones so far? It's one of the lifts that I'd be surprised someone could really do without training on it or even simulating.

    5. I'm solid when it comes to stone over bar, because the 1 motion works well. I've had issue with stone to platform because it typically involves getting to a large diameter stone at some point, and THAT'S where my technique falls apart.

      This was my first time ever with stones, and I ended up tying for first, haha

      Second time, I ended up having a mechanical failure when my sleeves fell off and, with them, all my tacky. Third time, I ended up taking 3rd or so while competing up a weightclass. Fourth time, I loaded 3 stones rapidfire and then died on the large stone

    6. It always makes me laugh how loud your wife is.

      Yeah, you're doing your usual thing--super strong, no technique. I mean that in the best sense--there's tons of improvement ready for you when you do what you did with axle and learn how to actually load it instead of just power curling it to the platform.

    7. She's my best fan, haha.

      Yeah, the last show taught me how much weight I'm leaving from a lack of technique. I know I could move way more with some technique. At present, I'm gonna see how far I can get with some sandbags and kegs, but if that inevitably fails, stones will be the next move. Might even just get the damn stone of steel, since that seems to be the way things are moving.

    8. Ugh, gross. I'd rather wear an Alan Thrall shirt than own a stone of steal.

      Typo intentional.

      Yeah, obviously your brute strength has worked out thus far and if you don't actually care about Nationals and beyond then there's no reason to bother with all the other stuff. You'll have to become a real strongman and care about this stuff if you ever do want to go beyond local/regional, but I'm certainly not passing judgment if you don't want to. You know I love your be strong and have fun approach, it's just funny to see people half your strength lifting more on the technical lifts. Like that video of Stevey P in WSM 94 or whatever it was struggling like hell to even get a 200lb stone off the ground. 20 years later and Crossfitters are shouldering those for reps now.

    9. In reality, if my goal was to be a strongman, making stones would be off the radar; I'd need to join a gym and be part of a team. Being honest with myself, that's the biggest missing variable. I need an actual coach and crew if I want to reach the tops of this sport. But, at the same time, I also need to run steroids, travel more, take more time off work, and really just do a lot of things that I'm not willing to do for a sport. Strongman is fun, and it's a nice funnel for my obsession, but I just care about getting bigger and stronger, and I like doing it on my own. I like the learning and figuring out and discovery of the whole thing.

    10. Yeah, all good points. I'm with you on that for sure. It's pretty ridiculous how much this sport has to be your everything in order to be good at it, for next to no return on your investment. Props to those who want to do it but I'd never judge anyone negatively for not going Nats+, unless they're like faux-gurus like Alan Thrall.

    11. And amazingly, I got into this sport because it had LESS of a time commitment than MMA did, haha. Such is life.