WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION?

“Allow me to clarify that my question is not rhetorical” is a phrase I have been forced to use way more often than I reasonably should have.  It’s honestly frustrating as a fan of philosophy, as quite often it is the answering of questions that leads us to a greater understanding of a subject matter, and while a rhetorical question certainly has its place, to treat legitimate questions as though they are rhetorical is denying a learning opportunity.  But in addition to that, I have been writing in this blog for nearly 8 years, prior to which point I received my Master’s degree in a writing intensive field (political science with an emphasis on western political theory), before which I got my Bachelor’s degree in political science with a minor in philosophy.  I don’t say that to express that I feel I am intelligent (I had roommates who could make my head spin with the knowledge of mathematics and the hard sciences), but moreso to convey that I have had to write a LOT to express my thoughts over the course of my life, and I like the think that I’m accomplished enough at it that I can convey myself without ambiguity.  Thus, when I ask what I feel is a blatantly non-rhetorical question and it gets treated as though it were rhetorical, I find it difficult to assume that the reader misunderstood me and more take to theorizing that they simply WISH my question was rhetorical.  Which in turn leads to the (non-rhetorical) question of: “why won’t you answer my question?”

Somehow I doubt this is the reason

What I am writing is the spiritual successor to my infamous “How Much Ya Bench” post, and suggested (brilliantly) by Will Ruth in a continuation of my series on questions, and I couldn’t be happier to discuss this subject.  A most recent exchange I had on this very premise was in regards to the incredibly silly (and fake) drama over the world record deadlift attempt to be performed in the upcoming weeks.  Specifically, I expressed a sentiment that strongman records were silly and no one really cares about them anyway, to which an individual asked me why I was even posting in a strongman subreddit in the first place if I felt that way.  I answered their question and gave them a question back, specifically, I post at that location because I compete in the sport of strongman: does the person asking me this question compete in the sport?  And to add more to this, I clarified before my question “legitimate question here”, and then asked.  And this individual STILL went on to not answer that question before proceeding too ask me another question (something along the lines of who am I to decide what does and does not matter in the sport).  I pointed out the rudeness of this person to not answer my question and ask me one of their own, to which they replied that they thought I was being rhetorical.  Right…

Why wouldn’t someone answer such a question?  In truth, much like “How Much Ya Bench”, they don’t answer because they understand the ramifications of such an answer.  Specifically, that it discredits them.  But here’s a thought: if you’re embarrassed to answer a direct question, does that mean shame upon the question asker for asking such a question, or shame on you to put yourself in a situation where such a question is asked of you?  Why did I ask this person if they competed in the sport?  Because I could tell, based off how they conducted themselves, that they did not.  If the answer was somehow an affirmative (which, as you have guessed by now, it was not), I would have been so completely off guard that all I could genuinely do is agree to disagree and walk away.  In much the same way when I see someone saying something that so radically conflicts with my understanding of how to get big and strong I’ll ask “How big and strong has this approach gotten you?” and, most often, such a question is ignored.  Make no mistake: you are free to think, feel and say whatever you want, but if you choose to exercise your right to remain silent when asked a question, that’s because you don’t want to self-incriminate.  And in the court of public opinion, it makes you guilty.

Next time, get a better lawyer

“I don’t see how that’s relevant”, well of course you don’t: that’s why you never bothered to ask the question in the first place.  However, the person who is ASKING the question certainly sees how it is relevant: hence why they asked.  If you’re only in this conversation for yourself, the kindly go away, but if you are genuinely engaging here in good faith then you answer the questions that are asked (within reason of course: don’t give someone your credit card info).  Be honest: it’s not that you don’t see how the question is relevant, you simply don’t like what your answer is to that question.  And once again wonder: why was this question asked of me in the first place?  Would this question have been asked of me if I were saying something intelligent?

But this goes even further than the shame of being unwilling to admit to a lack of success: this includes those that present the façade of being WILLING to learn, when the truth is they’re completely unwilling to take any of the actions necessary to do so.  I refuse to argue online: my inherent solipsism makes it such that I don’t care if someone think I’m wrong, thus I have no stake in proving myself right.  Often, when someone disagrees with me, I’ll ask flat out “What evidence can I provide you that would convince you that you are wrong and I am right?  If I have that, I will provide it to you.  If not, I will not.”  …silence.  Or sometimes, anger.  “How am I supposed to know what will convince me!?”  Well if YOU don’t know what it’s going to take, I CERTAINLY have no idea, and I’m not going to just keep shooting in the dark in the hopes I magically discover it, because there’s a VERY fair chance that there is no such evidence and this is a fool’s errand.  Why won’t you just answer my question?

Whereas some people seem willing to be convinced of just about anything...

And finally, this extends to “what can I do to help you?”  Another fun story for you: at my work, we had suggestion boxes.  They were always full, and those of us in a management position would pour over them each week, see tons of suggestions and complaints, and none of us could figure out how to solve them.  We started wondering if maybe we were just stupid: the people with these problems saw something we didn’t, and we just needed their input.  So I suggested we change the box: from a “suggestions box” to a “solutions box”: bring any problem you have and then let us know what solution you’ve come up with to solve it.  The boxes ran empty until, after 8 months, we finally got rid of them.  Ask YOURSELF before you ask your question “is this a question that HAS an answer?”  “How do I make someone motivated to train?”  You can’t.  Unless you possess supervillain levels of hypnosis, you can’t make people feel a certain way.  “I want to work out and eat better, but I just have NO time to do it.”  What can I do to help you?  “I want to lose weight but I hate being hungry.”  What can I do to help you?  It’s not a rhetorical question: I legitimately don’t see how I can help.  I’d love to help: I’ve love to pass on everything I learned over 20 years so that you don’t make the same mistakes I did and you can learn from me and grow bigger, stronger, faster and better than I ever was or will be, but seriously: what can I do to help you?

Ask yourself why you won’t answer my question, and ensure that, when you do, it’s not a rhetorical question.