BULKING DIRTY TRICKS: PHASING "DIRT" INTO A DIET

  

Alright, I’m going to hate myself for using terms I can’t stand, but in the context of today, it works.  When discussing “dirty bulking”, it needs to be understood that we’re going to use that phase in the way that actually makes sense: eating “dirty food”.  Dirty food would be food that isn’t considered clean.  If you don’t know what clean food is, you’re being a petulant child, because the rest of us get it: clean food is food we understand to be healthful.  When you think “bodybuilder in the last 6 weeks of prep”, you’re thinking clean foods.  Chicken breasts, lean fish, green veggies, plain white rice, sweet potatoes, etc.  Dirty foods are those things we understand to be NOT healthful: fast food, pizza, high fat meats, refined carbs, etc etc.  The idea that a dirty bulk is a bulk where you get fat and a clean bulk is one where you don’t is just stupid: the latter is a lean bulk, the former is just getting fat.

Don't fall for supplement ads guys...and Lee Priest is still aweosme

 

Ok, all that established, often times, one starts out a weight gain phase (god I hate the word “bulk”/”bulking”) with the best of intentions as far as maintaining a healthful approach goes, but, eventually, they hit a stall.  You can only stomach so much food at a pop, and healthful food tends to be healthful BECAUSE it’s low in calories as a result of being low in superfluous macronutrients.  A chicken breast is almost pure protein compared to a ribeye steak, which is almost equal parts fat and protein.  An apple, though “heavy” in sugar, also has lots of fiber that can counteract if you’re a net-carb kinda guy: apple pie filling, not so much.  You get the point.  Sometimes, in the pursuit of weight gain, it becomes necessary to loosen up on the clean aspect of the diet and allow some dirt in for the sake of fostering weight gain.

 

HOWEVER, eating dirty is way too easy.  The majority of Americans do that (other countries too I’m sure).  It’s too easy to get down a rabbit hole on this and end up wallowing in candy bar rappers and empty ice cream tubs.  A smart lifter is going to understand that there are phases to adding dirt to the diet, and that strategy must be employed in order to have a successful weight gain phase without getting stupid with it.  That having been understood, I’m going to outline the ways I’ll sneak dirt into my diet as I gain weight, and my thought process behind it.  This is going to focus primarily on nutrition around the time of training, as I find that to be the most critical window to manipulate.  It’s pretty easy to add dirt to the rest of your diet, but here we’re going to employ some strategy.  Keep in mind once again that my default approach to nutrition is low-carb, so some of the things I consider to be dirt may just be the way you eat already.

 

 

 

 

  POST WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 1

 

Yabba dabba doo

There are enough nutritional studies out there that say you can pretty much eat as many simple carbs as you want post workout that it’s definitely something worth taking advantage of when your goal is weight gain.  If you’re coming out this super clean, you could add some dried fruit and honey post workout and easily ratchet up an extra few hundred carbs.  However, many in the bodybuilding scene sing the praises of processed breakfast cereals instead, and I find rice based ones in particular go down VERY smoothly post workout.  Rice crispies, cocoa crispies, fruity pebbles and cocoa pebbles all make fine choices.  You can put them in a shake and drink them, OR you can pour cereal in a bowl, put protein powder on top, pour milk on it, mix it all together and eat it with a spoon.  Start out with just a cup of breakfast cereal for phase 1. 

 

POST WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 2

These are convenient to bring to the gym

 

Ok, the cereal is a given now.  Add the fruit to the mix as well.  I liked frozen blueberries myself, but raisins and bananas are a classic staple.  Now we can up the dose of the cereal to 1.5 cups if we like.  I also like to add fat free greek yogurt into the mix at this point OR you could forego the milk entirely and just make it into a parfait with the greek yogurt.  However, if you do that, you need a lot of greek yogurt, because now you’ve taken away from the mixture, and the goal here is calories.  Mixing honey with it never worked for me, so I just take a spoonful or 2 of the stuff with the meal.

 

POST WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 3

The worst flavor is the one you get the msot of in this packet, and I will fight anyone that says otherwise

 

I know we started off wanting simple carbs, but at one point you’re going through boxes of cereal, so I mix things up at this point and add in a packet of flavored oatmeal into the mix.  Most companies still pack a lot of sugar into their flavored oatmeal, so you still get that, and then the carbs from the oatmeal too.  I don’t cook it: I just let it settle into the milk/greek yogurt mixture.  Also: whipped cream.  Yeah, I just violated the low fat aspect of this too, but whipped cream is delicious, calorie packed, and really makes the whole mixture very palatable.  The breakfast cereal is at 2 cups at this point, and you still have the fruit and protein powder.  PBFit is a great addition at any point in this process, but now it should DEFINITELY be included, as it’s yet another way to get in some calories.  At this point, your post workout meal is like a real meal.  That’s when you know you’ve arrived.

 

PRE-WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 1

 

They got "thin" in the name: they're diet food

I genuinely don’t tend to eat a pre-workout meal unless I’m training first thin in the morning, so simply the inclusion of one is already getting things “dirty” for me.  If I’m training first thing in the morning, I keep things very light, as I don’t like to train with a heavy gut.  This morning, I had 2 hardboiled eggs (cage free/organic) and a quarter of a pumpkin spice sour cream donut from Krispie Kream.  I’m in the VERY early phases of a weight gain cycle right now.  Other times, I’ve done 2 girl scout thin mint cookies, two pieces of toast with a light smear of honey, wild blueberries with honey drizzled on them, etc.  Already, some of that food is in the realm of dirty, but the portion sizes are so small I don’t swear them.  I just don’t want to be totally fasted when I lift weights, but I have done it before and didn’t really suffer.

 

Other classics include a protein shake, protein bar, Finibars from Biotest (read my recent entry on Strongman on the Road to see my review on them as a product), or other similar, light items with some protein in them. 

 

PRE-WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 2

This is like looking at my childhood

 

Alright, we’ve knuckled down and the pre-workout meal is now a foregone conclusion: let’s make it an actual meal.  You can’t get more classic than a PBJ: a Dan John favorite, and honestly, just a solid choice.  You can go all out and make sure to get the natural peanut butter, Ezekiel bread and sugar free jelly to keep things on the healthier side.  If you prefer to be like me and do the “no fats and carbs together” approach, this is another fine opportunity for stealing from the post workout nutrition.  Cereal and protein powder, greek yogurt and protein powder, a protein shake with some honey toast, etc.  I’ve also been experimenting with a high fat pre-workout meal, typically just heavy servings of nuts/nut betters, to include nut butter sandwiches on low/zero carb bread.  Results have been solid so far. 

 

PRE-WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 3

I have posted the most anabolic flavor for your reference

 

Say hello to your friend: the pop-tart.  Now, technically, I’d be willing to say that ONE pop-tart pre-workout could be skirting the edge of phase 2, but come on: no one eats one pop-tart.  They come in packages of 2: what’re you supposed to do with the other one?  Put it in a ziplock so it doesn’t go bad before you get to it again?  We’re eating both right now.  400 calories put down in seconds.  Tons of sugar and carbs, minimal fat (you can even buy low fat pop-tarts), just the thing to spike your insulin before hitting the weights.  If you want, you can combine pop-tarts with your other pre-workout meal ideas above to REALLY jack up the calories.  Candy bars would work here too, depending on the composition, but I’d again go for stuff that is mostly carbs rather than heavy in fats.  You’d skittles would be a good choice, but I find they require a LOT of chewing, and at this point in your bulk, you’re eating SO much that you wanna keep chewing to a minimum.

 

PRE-PRE WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 1

In theory, Hobbits should make exceptional barbarians

 

Let’s cop to this now: when you’re having pre-pre workout meals, you’re already pretty deep into the bulk.  But if you’re trying to evolve from clean to fully dirty, you might implement this after phase 1 of the pre and post workout meals, but you could also wait until you reach phase 3 of those to do this.  Adding extra meals is always a viable way to bump up calories.

 

In phase 1 of the pre-pre workout, we’re going to have a regular meal.  I like to just make this leftovers from the previous night’s dinner.  For me, that ends up being meat and veggies.  For you, maybe that’s pasta, or some meat with rice and potatoes.  You could also make this a second breakfast, and get some eggs, oatmeal, toast, etc.  Just finding an opportunity to get in a whole other meal is going to go far toward helping gain weight, and those extra calories before a training session are also going to mean you’ll be able to REALLY push training hard.  I’ve observed a direct correlation between how many meals are in me and how hard I can train, even if the time of day remains the same.

 

PRE-PRE WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 2

This is just pure Americana

 

Time for a country breakfast.  Get some pancakes, grits/hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, and toast.  Still “good” food, but a lot of it.  At this point in the diet, I’m so sick of cooking and cleaning I typically go out for this.  Alternatively, bump up the portions of what you were eating in phase 1.  This is a pretty easy intermediately phase.

 

PRE-PRE WORKOUT MEAL: PHASE 3

It's Quest, so it's healthy..right?

 

Frozen pizza time.  I was eating the Quest brand frozen pizzas at the time because they were “healthier”.  Make no mistake: you’re eating frozen pizza.  It’s not good for you.  But they’re stupidly easy to make and a Quest one packs around 700+ calories with a fair amount of protein.  While it cooks, you can watch training videos and get excited for your next session.  Eating one of these a day can get pricey, but that’s the cost of getting huge, which, at this point in your bulk, is your goal.  I suppose you could also order a real pizza and eat half of it, but frozen was just more convenient for me.  I’ve also made use of fast food drivethroughs at this point (Taco Bell has a fantastic breakfast spread) for a similar end.  And, when I was feeling like putting in a slight amount of work, I'd toss a 1+lb ribeye on the grill.

 

 

Once again, it’s worth noting that this is about getting big and strong: not health.  Please do not confuse this as advice for longevity.  But this is what I did when I hit my best press ever, so it works for something.