DEVILSH STRENGTH/DEMONIC CONDITIONING

 

Hail once again nerds: it’s time for another DnD post.  I originally had a far less nerdy but equally cringe-inducing title for this post of “strategic strength/chaos conditioning”, but realized that Dungeons and Dragons provided me a far more fantastic framework to operate within, so I got to kill 2 birds here.  Once again, for my uncultured reader, allow me a quick explanation.  When determining the nature of your character, there are two axes (that is, no joke, the plural of “axis”, which is just awesome) taken into consideration: are they good, evil or neutral, and are they lawful, chaotic or neutral (insofar as law abidance is concerned)?  This allows for the exploration of many interesting questions and concepts of morality: one can absolutely be good while being completely unlawful (a Robin Hood type), one can be totally law abiding while being morally neutral (honestly, most average humans are this way: obeying the law more out of fear of consequences vs a desire to better society), but, for today’s purposes, we explore the reality of being absolutely evil yet existing in either a lawfully evil state or a chaotically evil state.  From here, I introduce “The Blood War”: a war between devils and demons. 

 

I wanna be on whatever side THAT guy is on

Devils represent those that are lawfully evil, hence the notion of a “deal with the Devil”.  This trope has been played up historically for millennia, from masters like Faust to B-Movie slock like Wishmaster, but the premise remains the same: you make a pact with the/a devil and it’s completely and totally binding, the devil will not break it, yet, often, the wording is such that it ends up spiting to individual that made said pact.  Point remains: devils are lawful, well organized, structured and measured in their approach.  In the planes of hell where devils reside, there is a clear ranking structure and, in turn, in the Blood War, the devils are formed into a well organized military style unit with officers and foot soldiers where everyone knows their role.  Since they’re all evil bastards, discipline tends to be enforced via cruelty, and obedience tends to be the result of fear of repercussion, but the point remains: the devils are the epitome of both evil AND lawfulness/structure.

 

Contrast this with the demons of the Abyss.  The demons represent evil AND chaos.  Don’t make a deal with a demon: they have no qualms about breaking pacts, and will most certainly promise you whatever it is you desire simply to gain an advantage and betray you at the time most opportune to them.  In turn, the demons are less an army and more a horde: a loosely organized (if at all) banding of terrifying, powerful creatures, charging headlong into battle with horrifying screeches and all manner of loosely compiled weaponry and tactics.  The Abyss, in turn, is very much Hobbes’ state of nature: a constant state of war, where life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short, and might ultimately makes right, in contrast to Hell, which would be where a social contract is in order and just so happens to be tyrannical.  It is worth appreciating that, due to this structure, when comparing individual demons to individual devils, the former tend to be more powerful, yet the latter are able to compensate by means of actually working together in a cohesive unit.  Going further down the DnD rabbithole: demons are barbarians and devils are fighters.

     
Although it really seems more like this

All this nerdery just for me to explain how it is that I visualize my own training: for strength, I err toward the devils, but for conditioning, I side with the demons.  When it comes to being stronger, I’ve found little success in just showing up to the gym, doing what I want and seeing what sticks.  Sure: after 21 years of lifting weights, I’m able to rely on intuition to help guide a training session and understand what needs improving and what can slide, but I STILL need at least some framework or structure to lay down the foundation of the work.  I’ll know before I start that it’s a press day or a deadlift day, I’ll know what lifts I’m aiming to hit based on either previously calculated percentages or the numbers I hit in a previous session, my supplemental and assistance work tends to be decided upon: I have a plan.  I’m being lawful.  And just like that deal with the devil, the most effective programs I’ve followed are the ones where “the plan” is effectively planned out suffering: percentages and reps that are beyond my CURRENT grasp that I need to eat big and train hard in order to be able to reach them when the time comes.  I sign on that dotted line on week 1, and at week 6 I get my wish…but at what cost?

 

Contrast this with conditioning though, and it’s where the demon comes out.  I frequently figure out what I’m going to do for conditioning upon arriving in my garage/gym.  Sometimes it’s based off what’s currently on the floor if I was too lazy to put stuff away, or I’ll figure it out based off how much freetime I have to get in a session, or I’ll base it off of what muscle group feels sore and needs some bloodflow in it.  These days, I’m a big fan of the wodwell website, and will actually scroll through WODs in the middle of my lifting in order to figure out what I’m going to do for conditioning when the lifting is over.  Whereas my lifting is planned out in 3, 6, 12, or even 26 week chunks, my conditioning just happens, with no rhyme, reason, structure or thought. 

 

What happens when you try to strength train like a demon

And allow me to say: I am quite the demon when it comes to conditioning.  Because I just do stuff, I’m REALLY quite decent at “just doing stuff”.  For sure: those that specialize are far more accomplished than I at the things they specialize in, but it’s rare that I need to take on a physical challenge and find myself struggling due to the conditioning aspect of it.  I’m constantly doing new and different stuff in my conditioning, which means I’m never adapting, which is a GOOD thing as far as conditioning is concerned, because once you get GOOD at something, you become efficient, which means you actually expend LESS energy when performing the act…which means it has less of a training effect on your conditioning.  One wants to be demonic: poorly organized, slapped together, thrashing, gnawing, struggling and surviving purely off of brute force. 

 

In turn, I grow frustrated when I encounter the devils of conditioning.  I’ll frequently share a conditioning workout I came up with, only to encounter some devilsh questions.  “Hey guys, I just did this: do a burpee, then a KB snatch per side, then 2 burpees and 2 snatches, etc, while wearing a weighted vest.  Once you hit 5 reps, start over.  Do as many as you can”, “How heavy of a kettle bell should I use?  How heavy is the vest?  Do I take any rests between movements?  How long should I do the workout?  Are these six count burpees?”  *Cue demonic rage*  F**k dude: just go do some conditioning!  You’ll know it’s working when your lungs explode.  I legit just looked at what equipment I had and thought until I came up with an idea that sounded awful that I hated and, at that point, I KNEW I found something that was going to work.  Much like how I look for lifting programs that make me go “oh f—k” when I see them, I try to come up with conditioning ideas that make me think the same thing.  It’s simply a difference of that feeling happening over weeks vs within the span of a workout, but herein we see the common trend: one may be lawful, one may be chaotic, but they’re both evil.