DUNGEONS AND DIETS: NUTRITION FROM THE LENS OF DND (PART 4-PARTY CONSTRUCTION)

Now we arrived at the “meat and potatoes” of the whole ordeal, and given what we’re read so far we already understand what a non-apt metaphor “meat and potatoes” is, so how about we transition to “steak and eggs”?  But either way: party construction, which is to say: diet construction.  How are we going to BUILD our adventuring party so that we ensure success during our exploration of various dungeons and exciting locales rather than getting one-shotted by the first goblin raiding party we run up against?

I already can hear the true nerds on the audience yelling "those are orcs!"

Herein it becomes necessary to do an HONEST stock assessment of your own capabilities along with the demands of the adventure you are about to embark upon. 

 

Some players are EXPERT players of arcane spellcasters: they know all the ins and outs of the rules, where the loopholes are, where they can exploit/leverage things, how to min/max or “munchkin” the game, and, ultimately, cheat at a game that is supposed to be “imagination but with rules”.  I have known many a player like this, and they’re an asset to have in your party so long as you’re at peace with the fact that they’re going to be the “main character” of your game while you are effectively an NPC.  But, if your goal is to have fun rather than “win Dungeons and Dragons”, these dudes can be a little odious. 

 

This is how it tends to go for me when I try my hand at it

As is blatantly apparent at this point: I am NOT that player.  I just never “got” arcane magic, the biggest reason being that I don’t want to have to invest post-graduate level effort into reading and studying the nuances of something I’m doing for the sake of having fun.  Pair this with the fact that DnD allows me to live out my boyhood power fantasies of being a big and strong barbarian, and it’s really hard for me to be anything BUT that.  In turn, I am VERY good at being that.

 

It’s no different with the world of nutrition.  Some folks are nutritional wizards (pun full intended), and their mastery of carbohydrates is awe inspiring.  Justin Harris is a fantastic example of this, and hearing him discuss carb cycling for bodybuilding is dizzying in the amount of detail and nuance he is able to discuss and dissect how carbs impact physique.  Stan Efferding is another fantastic example, as is Skip Hill and his “skiploading” protocol.  These folks have read all the rules, the sub-rules, the current errata, the spinoffs, etc, and can take that education and work magic where us scrubs just stumble.  Unless YOU are that guy, your best bet is to recruit these dudes, let them run the party, and relegate yourself to being an NPC. 

When your coach is as big and strong as a half-orc and smart as a wizard, you best listen

 

Absent that resource, you may have to be at peace with the fact that your adventuring party is going to be pretty bare bones: warriors and divine magic users.  COULD you have an arcane spellcaster in the party?  Of course, but keep in mind: all decisions are opportunity costs.  That arcane spellcaster COULD have been another strong sword arm, or another healer.  When you elect to have the arcane spellcaster, you choose to NOT have any of the other two classes.  Which, ultimately, is going to benefit you more?

 

And to answer that question, we then must ask “what kind of quest are we about to embark on?”  Is this a one-shot campaign where we just fight off a goblin horde over the course of an afternoon, or are we engaging in a multi-year long expedition wherein we expect to go from level 1 to 20, fully flesh out our characters and fight off the most epic level challenges available?  Because the party that can do well in the case of the former will most likely be unequipped for the challenges of the latter…but, in turn, the amount of effort necessary to craft a party for the case of the latter would most likely take up the WHOLE play session for the former, meaning we never even get to play the game because we were too worried about the details!

We could all stand to have a little more of this in our lives

We see that with trainees all the time: they want an “optimized” diet for a non-optimal goal.  They want to eat like an IFBB pro even though all they’re trying to do is put on some quality muscle, lean out and get healthier.  The IFBB pro eats the way they eat because there is a PRIZE at the end: their “why” can overcome their “how”.  But if your goals are nebulous and your timeframe indefinite, you will absolutely burnout trying to employ an eating strategy that is intended to deliver extreme results on a specific date and time and then immediately cease.  Much like trying to build a level 20 adventuring party for a simple afternoon game, trying to force this much specificity, effort and compliance toward a goal that does not necessitate it is just going to ensure that no fun is actually had.

 

Now, if one DOES have such lofty ambitions, they should absolutely learn the ins and outs of arcane magic, or bring on board someone that does so that they can benefit from all of their knowledge and experience.  I may be a simple barbarian, but I must recognize and acknowledge the power contained in arcane magic.  I have witnessed first hand those that are expert carbohydrate manipulators and the results they can achieve with them, and they cannot be ignored nor handwaved.  Carbs ARE magic: kudos to the magicians that have mastered them.

I remember when we were TRYING to pretend that these were healthy

 

But my adventure is not THEIR adventure.  I am here to have fun.  And in that regard, my adventuring party is a simple one: warriors and divine spellcasters, with the occasional mercenary arcane spellcaster showing up if we ever wanna spice up the session, or simply “remember” what arcane magic is like.  And often, that arcane spellcaster showing up serves specifically as a reminder of why we don’t regularly have one in the party: they’re more trouble than they are worth, and we have less fun when they’re around. 

 

So again, take an assessment here.  WHAT kind of adventure are you about to embark on, and what are your honest to goodness capabilities here?  If you’re like me, want to have fun and have a grasp of the basics, a simple adventuring party covering the basic needs will be more than adequate, and anything beyond that may simply overwhelm you and take away the fun of the game.  If you’re going on a grand journey, are you EQUIPPED with the knowledge necessary to do so?  If not, will you study the rules in order to improve that, or will you recruit someone who knows how to min/max?  If not, there’s a fair chance you won’t have any fun either, primarily because, despite your intentions of killing the dragon, saving the kingdom and raiding the treasury, you end up getting killed by an opportunistic kobold.

 

 

Folks, that’s a total of 16 pages and over 7500 words, and I could honestly go on and on with this analogy.  I’m going to table this for now, but I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.