‘IF YOU HAD TO PICK JUST ONE”

This is always a fun mental exercise: limiting ourselves and seeing what we come up with.  What initially inspired this was watching a video from Alex Bromley, where he totally blew my mind by performing cambered bar squats with an open trap bar, because it got me thinking about how awesome that piece of equipment is…which, of course, led to the question of “if you had to pick JUST one…”

 

BAR

I’m going to be a total cad here, because I DON’T own it, but because of that video, if I DID have to have ONLY 1 bar, I’d actually opt for an open trap bar rather than a conventional barbell.  I’m specifically a fan of the design of the Rep Fitness open trap bar design, which a few other companies utilize as well (I’m unsure who the originator is), primarily featuring a rounded tubing compared to the square style tubing typically seen in trap bars. 

 

The trap bar/hex bar/Gerard bar was originally conceived of as a way to allow those trainees with brittle lower backs to still have a manner of deadlifting available to them, as it centered the weight around the lifter rather than putting it out in front of them.  Paul Kelso shook things up quite a bit when he demonstrated that you can also press overhead with this bar as well, which is a unique training stimulus by putting the weight center aligned AND also creating a bit of a deficit, since the bar goes around the lifter rather than stopping on their clavicle.

This book will definitely sell you on the bar

 

But this open design also allows for cambered bar squatting, as I mentioned in the intro, alongside zercher cambered squatting.  THIS is huge, because though some folks argue the trap bar deadlift is more like a squat than a deadlift, this is simply ACTUAL squatting, which opens up a lot of avenues.  Along with this, lunges, rows, and even benching can be performed with this bar.

Mind...blown

 

But so far, I’ve said things that can ALSO be done with a barbell, but the OTHER movement we can do with the open trap bar is the farmer’s walk.  And yes: I’ve spoken before about how farmer’s walk handles are superior to the trap bar when it comes to a farmer’s walk, but ultimately we’re discussing a “Swiss army knife” approach when it comes to this one tool.  No one part of the Swiss army knife is going to be superior to an individual tool specifically designed for one function, but the knife is full of “good enough” tools to get you through whatever situation you encounter, and the trap bar farmer’s walk absolutely answers that mail.  NOW you have one bar that can train all the essential movements for getting bigger and stronger (squats, deads, presses, rows) AND you’ve got loaded carries covered as well.  You hit ALL the Dan John bases there (push, pull, hinge, squat, loaded carry) with just one piece of equipment, and it’s about the same price as a quality barbell as well. 

CAVEAT: If at all possible, I’d include some rubber patio pavers in this set-up. For one: It’d open the door for ROM progression training with the pulls, but along with that, you could go by with JUST the trap bar this way…meaning you wouldn’t need a rack or set of stands!  You could simply stack the pavers up like jerk blocks in order to elevate the bar high enough to set up for squats or presses, and THAT means that this whole set up could be stripped down and put away in between workouts.  SUCH a low footprint with such a high effect.

 

FOOD

Rocky was a chump

 

Eggs.  Keep in mind, I am saying “food” and not “meal”, because, of course, I already wrote a post titled “when in doubt: steak and eggs”, but also because I know some of you asked yourself this question and answered with “chicken, rice and broccoli”, to which I say of course, shame on you: how boring, and NOT in the spirit of the exercise. 

 

No: if I had to pick one FOOD, it would be eggs.  Why?  For one: they’re a complete protein, which is kind of important for a goal of physical transformation, to say nothing of simply STAYING ALIVE due to the whole “essential amino acids” concept.  And the same goes for fats: eggs contain all the essential fatty acids we need to survive, let alone thrive, especially if these are some good pasture raised eggs that have a solid amount of Omega 3 in them.  The saturated fat in eggs are crucial for testosterone production, and eggs also contain vitamin A, D, E, K, and a whole host of B vitamins.  So, already, eggs are awesome, but along with that…

They bring us so much joy! (props if you at all get this reference)

 

…just like the open trap bar, eggs are like the Swiss army knife of food, because there’s a million different ways to make eggs.  Of course, you can Rocky them and just drink them, but you can fry them in SO many different styles (sunny side up, over easy/medium/hard), soft/hard boil them, poach or scramble them, make them into omelets or frittatas, etc.  And along with THAT, you can change the macro composition of your egg dish by using either the yoke OR the white in varying degrees.  If you want to make it protein heavier, use more whites.  Heavier in fats?  Use more yolks. 

 

And funny enough, eggs even have a trace amount of carbs in them, for those of you that care about that sort of stuff.  They clock in at about .6-.7g of carb per egg, which may seem insignificant, BUT, if we ARE going full on Gaston mode here and eating 5 dozen eggs each morning, that’s 36-42g of carbs, which CAN be enough to stay out of ketosis, if you’re wanting to do just that.  AND, if you are antsy about carbs, once again: play around with the whites to yolk ratio.  It goes to show the versatility of this one food.  And hell: I’ve ONLY been discussing chicken eggs here: there is a whole WORLD of eggs to explore, each with their own unique attributes.  I still have it as a goal of mine to one day eat a platypus omelet: made with the eggs, meat and milk of this unique egg laying mammal.

 

BOOK

You probably had a coin flip between this and Deep Water

As challenging as this idea may have seemed for me, given how many books on lifting I’ve devoured due to my nerdery, I quite quickly settled on “Super Squats”, to the surprise of some and total and utter lack of surprise of others.  But allow me to discuss the merits here.

 

Like the other previous two entries, what I dig about Super Squats is that it CAN do it all, and it does it quite efficiently.  It’s a book you can read in an afternoon, but it can set you up for the rest of your life.  The book contains THE Super Squats program, for sure, but it also contains an abbreviated version of that program, AND a follow-on 5x5 program to be run AFTER 6 weeks of Super Squats, in order for the trainee to get some time away from the high reps and rediscover some low rep strength while their body recovers.  Along with that, it even has some alternative Super Squats protocols listed, to include 2x15, 3x10 and 1x30 approaches for the breathing squat sets.  With all this, we already have “programming for life”, for those out there that only ever want to read just ONE book.  But wait: there’s more!

Almost as good as chocolate and peanut butter

 

The book ALSO contains instructions on how to perform ALL the exercises in the programs, along with alternative exercises that can be used.  So, once again: with the alternatives, we open ourselves up to even MORE programming options, and, in some sort of desert island scenario where we have no access to the internet, we STILL have a resource that can teach us HOW to lift.  And don’t laugh: reading descriptions of HOW to lift is exactly how I learned.  Occasionally, I’d even get a picture!  So now the book is going to teach us HOW to lift and then give us all the programming we need…but it’s not done yet!

 

The book ALSO contains nutritional protocols specifically for achieve the goal of getting bigger and stronger.  It lays it out very plainly with simple, quality foods that are primarily single ingredient, not ultra-processed, and wholesome.  There’s no calorie counting, macros, etc, just a focus on taking in a large amount of quality food…and, of course, milk.  Is it perfect?  Of course not, but as far as the Swiss army knife approach goes, this will definitely get you to your goals.  And we still haven’t even discussed the parts of the book that go into the psychology of training in such an intense manner or the delightful retelling of the history of the squat/program.  Really, if you only had one book and this was it, you’d be set.  

Are there others out there that could do a fantastic job?  Absolutely, similar to how there are other answers to the other two questions that would be just dandy (a good traditional barbell has withstood the test of time for a reason, and folks have lived quite well on diets of beef, salt and water), but, for me, at this moment, I feel like these are the best answers I have.

NOW LET'S GET CRAZY

Get?  We're there dude!

 

What makes this mental exercise even wilder is if I actually thought about taking these 3 and putting it all together.  You absolutely COULD do Super Squats with the open trap bar.  In fact, squatting with that bar might be ideal for Super Squats, because failing with it wouldn’t be quite as catastrophic as what typically occurs with a barbell: you can simply squat down and set it on its feet, similar to a yoke. You may have to get creative with the pull overs, or just find a doorway to do radar chest pulls, but you can quite easily do rows, straight legged deadlifts, presses, some manner of benching, curls, calf raises, etc with this one bar.  You’d be limited on the follow on 5x5 program, since power cleans would be a no-go, but maybe we’ll just do some trap bar high pulls and call it good. 

 

As far as the nutrition goes, you definitely won’t have milk on your side, but eggs CAN be consumed as a beverage (egg whites, in particular, go down pretty easy), and you can also just plain eat enough eggs to facilitate growing, as I’m not going to say one NEEDS to drink a gallon of egg whites a day… 

 

Although now that I’ve said that, let’s compare the macros.  If we’re talking egg whites, I feel like the most accurate comparison would be against skim milk, as both are fat free protein sources.  A gallon of skim milk is going to be 1,440 calories, with 144g of protein, and 208g of carbs, of which 192 are sugar.  If we went with Fairlife, that’s 1280 calories, with 208g of protein, and 96g of carbs, all of which being sugar.  Compare this to egg whites, which will clock in at 1,872 calories, with 424g of protein and 29ish grams of carbs.  Technically, you rack up 6.4g of fat as well when you drink a gallon of them, and I’m sure there are some trace fats in the skim milk as well, but still…looking at how things shake out, a gallon of egg whites MAY not be the craziest thing you ever drink.

 

Hell, let’s just keep getting wild here and compare whole eggs to whole milk.  A gallon of whole milk clocks in at 2384 calories, with 128g of fat (80 of it saturated) AND protein, and 192g of carbs, all of which being sugar.  If talking Fairlife, we’re looking at 2400 calories, with 128g of fat (80 of it saturated), 208g of protein and 96g of carbs, all of which being sugar.  To do this with whole eggs, we’re going to call an egg 50g, understanding a cup is 243g (should it be fluid ounces/milileters?  It’s getting a little confusing at this point), that means 3,888g per gallon, which equates to 77.75 eggs.  We’ll round that up to 78, and realize that Gaston was a chump with his 5 dozen each morning.  There are a LOT of opinions on how big an egg is, but according to SOME stats that claim a large egg is 50g, drinking a gallon of whole eggs a day will get you 6,084 calories (it’s actually 78 squared to get there: how fantastic), with 390g of fat (125 of them saturated), 468g of protein, and about 47g of carbs, all of which considered sugar.

We all have our limits

 

Holy crap: drinking a gallon of eggs is some Bruce Randall stuff right there!  And, of course, price factors into this as well.  According to a quick google search, I can buy 60 large eggs from Walmart for $7.47, so to get to 78 I’m gonna be paying $9.70.  A gallon of milk will cost me around $3.50, and a gallon of Fairlife is going to run $11.05 (4.50 per 52 fluid ounces) For reference, I’m currently in the middle of the United States: your prices may vary.  …holy crap, the eggs are more economically viable than the Fairlife!

 

Man, this took a WEIRD aside, but I honestly had a blast writing it, so hopefully you had fun experiencing my insanity firsthand here.  And I never even got into the discussion on “just one movement” (log viper press, btw, if you’re keeping score, with keg one motion being a close second), or any of the other “just ones” that are out there, but go ahead and ask yourself these questions.  When you do so, you find out just how much “extra” stuff you have in your life.