KEEPERS OF LORE, SOOTHSAYERS AND GOSSIPS

Continuing on with my theme of the tribe gathering around the communal fire and storytelling, allow me to discuss the types of individuals one can encounter at these communal fires and the value of their contributions.  I’ve broken this down into 3 categories: keepers of lore, soothsayers, and gossips.  Keepers of lore would fundamentally be those storytellers I prized in my earlier writings: those that know the history of the tribe, it’s stories, myths and legends, and are able to retell these events and weave together the tapestry of bits and pieces of information, lore and knowledge into a comprehensible and understandable narrative.  Anyone can know random facts and trivia, but the ability to recall them WHEN they are relevant and present them in manner that is appreciable to the audience is the real value.  We then have soothsayers: those wild-eyed mystics who gaze into the abyss and attempt to foretell the future and fortunes of those in attendance.  Whereas the keepers of the lore are concerned with the past, the soothsayers speak to the future.  And then the gossips, who speak only of the present, the people that are here and now, and the goings-ons as they occur.  What is the key difference of the third group here?  It takes NO talent to be a gossip, which is why, at any communal fire, there will be a disproportionate amount of gossips compared to Keepers of Lore and Soothsayers.

Not a keeper of lore...but there IS lore around this keeper

 

In the realm of physical transformation, we absolutely NEED Keepers of Lore.  Those iron historians that can re-tell the stories of Pat Casey hitting a 600lb bench press in 1967 in a t-shirt on a rickety bench that looks like something from a yardsale off a diet of meatloaf sandwiches slathered in mayo while Paul Anderson was squatting 1100lbs out of a hole he dug in his backyard, a trick Bob Peoples taught him, while chugging a mix of milk and honey between sets.  To say nothing of those TRUE historians that can cite instances of the first set of dumbbells found in ancient Greek gladiatorial training centers, or the use of heavy clubs with Indian wrestlers dating back to well before Christ, or how the Spartans learned to eat a diet of barley vs grain and venison vs pork and, subsequently, found themselves leaner than their Athenian counterparts.  We learn SO much about the future by looking into the past, because the physical transformation gestalt is cyclical, much like everything else in existence.  Styles and practices ebb and flow, with high volume being the training style du jour one day only to be replaced by HIT the next, only to transition to functional patterns, only back to abbreviated training, only to come back to traditional bodybuilding.  And nutrition experiences similar instances of en vouge practices followed by the immediate counter-reaction, with us observing low-carb’s popularity in the 70s, and then the 90s, and then the 2010s and then the counter-reaction of high carb in the 80s and currently.

 

What we can gain, among many things, from these Keepers of Lore is the common trends that ran deep among those that succeeded and how we can apply them to our current situation.  On the micro-level, all these methods can appear wildly different, but the historical perspective affords us the luxury of being able to step back and analyze from far away, and in doing so we are better able to observe what commonalities those who have succeeded have all shared and, consequently, what trends have resulted in failure and burnout.  Effort, consistency and time are those ever present principles, and those who attempt to bypass either of these principles tend to be the ones that we recognize as the snakeoil salesman and charlatans of their era: flashes in the pan remembered as a comical footnote in the annals of history.

 

Although some DO have a little more staying power than others...

In contrast, we have the soothsayers of physical transformation.  Who are these people?  These are the pioneers: the people out there trying new stuff, engaging in their own n=1 studies, subjecting their bodies to all manner of experimentation and embracing this journey with an open mind and an adventuring spirit.  Yes, you can tell how much I love these types of individuals, because the current world of physical transformation is so incredibly neutered, whereas in the past this pioneering spirit was THRIVING with the likes of Bill “Peanuts” West and the original Culver City Westside Barbell crew recruiting any and every strong human they could find on the planet in order to try out whatever whacky method they could come up with in order to get as strong as physically possible (which, consequently, is why they housed Pat Casey and Superstar Billy Graham as the only two individuals on the planet that could bench over 600lbs in the 1960s).  And here I am talking about the past when I talk about the future, but we saw this same spirit with the other Westside Barbell crew of Louie Simmons, where according to everyone that actually read the Russian literature, Louie COMPLETELY misunderstood it…and still made his misunderstanding totally work by creating his own incredibly unique system totally out of scratch, constantly modifying, tweaking and inventing stuff while experimenting on his stable of mutants in order to create the most dominant powerlifting gym of it’s era.  While everyone else was content to just do what everyone else was doing, these pioneering individuals gazed into the future and JUMPED ahead of the curve.

 

I love listening to soothsayers at the communal fire.  The first time I heard Shawn Baker discussing carnivore on Mark Bell’s podcast, it completely blew my mind how totally contrarian everything he said was to everything I’d ever heard, which of course drew me in.  It was the same hearing Jon Andersen discuss Deep Water, or hearing Jamie Lewis discuss…anything, despite him truthfully being a Keeper of Lore, because he took that information and used it to reach INTO the future and drag us through a timeportal.  In modern times, I look to those that are espousing ideas that run counter to what is currently being purported, because, quite frankly, I have SEEN what modernity is producing, and I am NOT impressed.

Although the future doesn't look too bright either

 

Which leads us to the gossips: those who are only pre-occupied with the goings-ons of the here and now.  Again: why are there so many gossips?  Because it requires NO talent to be a gossip.  All of us are equipped with the faculties to look at what is currently transpiring and regurgitate it to anyone who will listen to us: hell, you can train a parrot to perform that trick.  These people gather around the communal fire and simply discuss those that are already present and what they are already doing: who cares?  We all already KNOW all of this: why don’t you bring some value to the fire and tell me a story about the past or a prediction of the future?

 

You readers of academic studies who simply share what was contained in an abstract that you overheard some influencer discussing on a 60 second Tik Tok reel: you are contributing no value to the discussion at the fire.  Hell, these studies are always “yesterday’s news” as it is, for even a GOOD study (already a rarity) has to undergo so much scrutiny and review that, by the time the information comes out, those bros that were in the trenches already figured out all this stuff 20 years ago.  And yet, when they tried to share it with you as a Keeper of Lore, you called it anecdote and bro-science, but now that someone slapped a study name on it and acquired a funded grant it suddenly has legitimacy?  Your preoccupation with the present is, ironically enough, keeping you behind everyone else that is eagerly lapping up the stories of the past and the predictions of the future in order to achieve their own transformations.  While you prattle on about the gossip of the day, others are equipping themselves with lore and fortunes to be able to overcome the challenges of the future with the wisdom of the past.

This is the sort of maniac prophet I can't wait to listen to!

 

Leave the gossipers to gossip at the fringes of the fire.  Seek out the Keepers of Lore and the Soothsayers and make the most of your time at the fire.  One day, it will go out, and you’ll regret all the stories and predictions left to be told.   

GATHER AROUND THE FIRE

I was actually in the middle of writing another post when I started discussing this analogy within it and realized that THIS was what I wanted to write today, so here we are.  Gathering around the fire is one of the most romanticized images in our human existence, a notion dating back to our earliest ancestors eeking out an existence out in the wilderness after having achieved the mastery of fire and, in doing so, securing our place outside of the state of nature ever so slightly as the group that would one day grow to become the greatest apex predators in existence.  It was around these communal fires that security and shelter were established, food was cooked and victories were celebrated.  The communal fire was were cavepeople found warmth and comfort, where the Mongols heated up their shields and combined various food spoils of war to create the Mongolian grill (allegedly), and, ultimately, where stories, myths and legends were shared.  And in doing so, I’m already sharing stories, myths and legends ABOUT sharing stories, myths and legends, because who knows for sure if this ever really happened around these fires or if it’s just something we created in order to perpetuate our own romantic ideals in order to have something worth striving for…but, in that regard, what does it matter if it’s true?  Which is the same thing to ask when it comes time to share these stories around our communal fire.  Let’s not let a little thing like truth get in the way of a good story.

This was a lie told in a story about a sport that didn't exist...which made the story even better

These community fires are what we once had in the gyms and training centers of the world.  Lifters would come together and share ideas, stories, and theories on physical transformation.  It was the science lab, where things were getting tested, results were being observed, ideas were being chained and linked together, and ultimately a cultural tapestry was being weaved with the stories, myths and legends of the iron.  This was supplemented (pun partially intended) with whatever the Muscle Mag du jour had to say that month regarding whatever the current Mr Wonderful was eating, drinking and doing in their training, or whatever wild bit of prophecy Louie Simmons released in this month’s issue of Powerlifting USA, but the information flow was a trickle, sparse, and you could die from thirst trying to drink from it.  Instead, you’d have your local pocket of mythology, your tribal customs and culture that was amalgamated from whatever the resident big guy had shared from his own iron mountain and the remaining bro-science necessary to cover whatever gaps you had.

 

What SHOULD have happened with the advent of the internet and subsequent development of forums and social media?  A much BIGGER fire for us to gather around and, in turn, more stories to share.  We SHOULD have developed a RICHER culture with this opportunity to share.  Instead, we sterilized ourselves.  We eliminated our culture.  We banished stories, because we had no more room for myths and legends in the face of “facts”. 

Oh yeah, this is SO much better than art deco...

 

“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”

 

Nietzsche spoke of the same process there: we killed our mythology and replaced our god with science, and in doing so created this idea that there is only ONE “true” way to achieve physical transformation.  But, young philosophers, as the esteemed Dr. Jones pointed out: don’t not mistake fact for truth! 

Also another great philosophical quip

I’m getting away from myself here, let me wrangle it back.  Instead of using this greater sharing capacity to share more stories, people have used it as an opportunity to “fact check” the story tellers.  One mentions Super Squats story of gaining 30lbs of muscle in 6 weeks and the response is “that’s scientifically impossible, reference these studies that discuss the exact amount of muscle one can put on in a 6 week timeframe”.  They hear the diet of a gallon of milk a day and the response is “according to the latest research, no one needs that much of a caloric surplus to put on muscle”.  And, of course, they hear the program and retort “according to my favorite influencer, you don’t need to train that hard to grow muscle, and barbell squats are an outdated and unnecessary movement.”

 

And in all of this, the fact checkers are failing to understand the POINT of a story.  As I wrote: never let a little thing like “the truth” get in the way of a good story.  When stories were shared around the communal fire, the intent was NOT to relay a 100% factual telling of an event that occurred.  A person who does such a thing is NOT a storyteller: they are simply a parrot.  The talent of a storyteller is to captivate the audience, lure them in, keep their attention and, ultimately, impart a message upon them.  The audience should leave the story with more than what they entered with: a lesson, a message, a “takeaway”.  In the story of Super Squats, sure: we get a training program and a diet.  But what we take AWAY from the story of Super Squats is that, in order to achieve extraordinary results in the weight room, one must execute extraordinary effort in their training AND in their diet.  Is the 30lbs of muscle in 6 weeks fabrication?  Perhaps.  Perhaps it’s a bit of a fish story, where the truth was stretched in order to make things more exciting.  Does it matter?  No, because the LESSON of the story is what is important here.  Every trainee who undergoes a legit 6 weeks of Super Squats is transformed at the end of it, not just physically, but spiritually.  Their entire BEING is different, for now they are a creature that knows OBSESSIVE hard work in the gym and in the kitchen.  They know how to live, eat, and breath(ing squat) pursuit of physical transformation, and what drove them to even undertake this journey was the STORY of Super Squats, shared around our communal fire, by wild-eyed storytellers spinning myths and legends.

Whatever story he's telling, I'm listening to

 

NO ONE at the communal fire appreciates that person interrupting the story to interject their thoughts on the factual accuracy of the telling.  It takes no talent to say “there’s no way that could have happened”.  No one needs to hear that John Henry couldn’t possibly outperform a railroad spike driving machine in a competition, or that there were 7000 Greeks to include the 300 Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae, or any of your other gee whiz useful trivia here.  A good story is going to have some embellishment to it, because reality is boring: it’s why we are striving to transform ourselves into something DIFFERENT from our own reality.  It’s why we are so eager to share our stories and hear the stories of others: because we strive to share and learn as much as we can in order to have the existence we feel is our birthright, through our effort and intensity.

 

Gather around the fire and share some stories, and listen to the stories of others.  Don’t listen with the intent to disprove, but to understand.  To understand WHY the storyteller is telling the story, and what lessons the story holds.  And, in turn, you may one day be the subject of a story.

“COMPLIANCE IS THE SCIENCE”-STAN EFFERDING

I’ve already admitted defeat on this post, as Stan has already explained everything I’m about to write in four words, but allow me to further elucidate, for just like how Dan John has managed to write 3+ books and thousands of pages on a program that Pavel explained to him in just 40 words, it has apparently taken me quite a while to fully grasp the significance of what Stan has spoken.  “Compliance is the science” is Stan’s explanation of how success is achieved in the realm of physical transformation.  Specifically: we have to actually DO the things that get the results we seek, and if we’re unable to comply, we’re unable to succeed.  This seems patently obvious…and yet, it’s probably the most difficult aspect OF the entire physical transformation process.  Acquiring the knowledge necessary to achieve physical transformation is honestly an incredibly easy AND simple (because those are different concepts) undertaking, insomuch that we honestly already have all the instinctual properties necessary to achieve the process in the absence of research.  Nietzsche spoke of the “will to power”: that drive inherent in us as a species to overcome which, in turn, is crucial to the process of physical transformation, and in analyzing the rites of passage of ancient warrior cultures, we’ve observed physical training in the pursuit of achieving superior strength, speed, athleticism, etc spans across the globe and cultures WITHOUT the need for internet access, peer reviewed journals, randomized control trials, etc etc.  As a species, we “know” how to transform ourselves physically, and NOW, with the advent of instantaneous information exchange, we are at no shortage of ability to obtain even MORE knowledge on the subject to fully grasp the material (even though, again, we had dudes bench pressing 600lbs raw in the 1960s…)  Which, in turn, indicates that it’s not about KNOWING what to do that holds us back…it’s DOING what it is that we need to do that holds us back.  Compliance IS the science…which now means the question isn’t “what do I do” but “HOW do I do what it is that I know I NEED to do?”

Even male models know how to get jacked and ripped

 

Which, in turn, is what we REALLY need to be researching when it comes to researching physical transformation.  People experience analysis paralysis in the realm of physical transformation because, in their quest to find THE right answer, they are assaulted with MANY methods that all claim to be the BEST way to achieve their goals.  What these individuals fail to understand is that the presence of so many claims of methods to achieve success is not indicative of CONFLICTING information but, instead, affirmation that there are MANY ways to achieve success in the goal of physical transformation.  ALL of these people claiming that their one specific way is THE best are correct: it just now becomes a matter of determining the best under WHAT context.  And, in the case of those claiming it’s the best, it’s the best under THEIR specific context.  It’s the best for that one particular individual, or the individuals that this person trains with their method.  To which we must now determine if WE fit within that context: are WE the intended consumer of this method.

 

Because when it comes to selecting a training and nutritional methodology, the science remains the same: it’s a matter of finding a way for our stupid lizard brains to actually inclined to comply with the science.  Everyone loves to beat the same drum about nutrition: “it’s always calories in/calories out, no matter what”.  Ok, let’s say that’s the case: how do we get the trainee to COMPLY with calories in/calories out?  Suddenly, NOW, methodology becomes important.  Is a ketogenic diet magical?  Does it break the laws of thermodynamics?  Perhaps not, but what it MAY do is impact the calories OUT side of the equation to a favorable degree that suddenly the trainee can actually ACHIEVE the deficit they’ve been trying to accomplish for so long.  Perhaps the trainee that chained themselves to simply “calories in/calories out” without any other guiding principle ended up dieting themselves down to 800 calories a day through continued restriction, totally broke their metabolism, and are no longer able to achieve the necessary degree of MICRONUTRIENTS in order to feel healthy, normal and energized enough to be able to train (or simply EXIST) in order to achieve their physical transformation goals.  Perhaps this very trainee, undertaking a clinical ketogenic diet with a 4:1 fat to protein ratio is able to upregulate FGF21, resulting in increased energy expenditure, allowing them to take in a few hundred extra calories a day, allowing for more nutrients and improved quality of life such that they CAN continue to comply WITH the science.

It's science!

 

Because we are human: all too human.  We will always need to contend with the human piece of the physical transformation equation.  But if we embrace this, rather than deny it, it opens up avenues for ALL manner of successful methods to help us achieve our goals.  Because, in truth, the science SHOULD be simple when it comes to physical transformation, for it’s a process that EVERY living organism engages in.  It just so happens that FOR us humans, the majority of us engage in a negative form of transformation: self-destruction.  And this is primarily a result of the environment that WE have created for ourselves.  But, in turn, our capacity to manufacture our own doom is also testament to our ability to be our own saviors, so long as we take the time to engage in some introspection and figure out what it takes for US to comply with the science.

 

So yes: the science is the science.  We grow bigger and stronger though progressive resistance exercise, but some of us will only progress if we KNOW the exact sets, reps and percentages we’re going to perform before the workout, while others will only do it under Dan John’s instruction of “use easy weights and nudge it up when they feel light”.  Both are accomplishing the same thing, but if one cannot comply with one set of instructions, they’ll never meet the science that is necessary to achieve the goals.  “Calories in/calories out”, sure, nothing magical about fasting?  Ok, but if fasting is able to finally regulate someone’s WILDLY out of control leptin and ghrelin hormones to the point that they CAN exist in a caloric state WITHOUT white knuckling it, perhaps there IS, in fact, something magical about it.  If a certain nutritional strategy can have someone undereat WITHOUT feeling hungry and weak, or OVEREAT without feeling bloated and sluggish, perhaps such a method will actually compel a training TO comply with the science.  And perhaps THIS is why it’s worth spending the time learning, experimenting, tinkering and questioning: not so we can understand WHY things work, but instead HOW WE can work within the context OF why these things work.  Perhaps every “fad” training program and nutritional strategy isn’t a fad at all, but instead yet another psychological hack one can employ in order to actually get them to comply with the goddamn science.

 

Because as cool as you may think you are by LARPING as a robot, the truth is, you’re as human as the rest of us, and that pesky free will and autonomy that got us to the top of the food chain is the same set of shackles that is preventing you from just shutting off your brain and eating your perfectly balanced macro gruel while training at the exact right intensities and volume to achieve optimal results.  No one is impressed that you “know the science” for physical transformation: we as an entire species figured it all out millennia ago.  We’ve climbed up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and are no longer concerned with food and security levels of logic: we’ve moved on to self-actualization and are answering questions at an existential level: trying to solve the “problem” of being human.  Try to keep up and help out, by putting away your stupid “CICO” comment and moving on to answering the question of HOW do we comply with the science. 

IOWA GAMES STRONGMAN 2025 WRITE UP

 

 

THE VIDEO

INTRO

Not just a fantastic quote, but an incredible introduction to a life changing movie

* These always run stupidly long and I’ll try to prevent that, but here we go: I competed in yet another strongman competition.  I turn 40 this year, have competed in strongman since 2013, my knees are absolutely shot and I’m way too damn skinny these days, but I don’t seem to learn lessons well, so here I am.

* I liked this competition because of the events: axle press for reps, frame deadlift for reps, wheelbarrow, sandbag over bar (load, not throw) and max distance sandbag carry.  It was a light show, which meant it would be conditioning heavy, which just called out to me, and nothing was terribly technical.  In fact, I traveled over 2.5 hours for this show when there was one RIGHT down the road for me in my hometown because I liked these events more, which worked out well, because this event ended up having 5 dudes in my weight class (counting me) whereas the other show would have only been 3 of us.  I like having a lot of competition.  It turned out to be the right decision, because after I drove home and had a dinner of a full rack of spare ribs, I checked in on the other comp and they were STILL competing…and they started BEFORE us.  The difference was that there was no novice division at the comp I was at, so we had fewer people and everyone already knew what to do, so it went quick.

 

* I took 4th out of 5 on this one.  I was within a rep of changing my place in every single event, minus the wheelbarrow (that doesn’t shock me), which was far more motivating than it was devastating, because I got to do that “playing the game how I want to play it”, meaning I didn’t have to cut weight, I didn’t have to balloon up during competition prep, I didn’t have to slam a box of pop-tarts in the middle of the event, and I got to train the way I wanted to train leading up to it, while competing with some dudes who were most likely 10 years old when I started in the sport.  I had an absolute blast doing events I liked doing. 

 

TRAINING

I mean, kinda yeah

* I’ve been sticking with Tactical Barbell since 16 Sep of 2024, and have just continued that trend through this.  I broke this up into 2 different phases of Operator: a 6 week block, followed by a 2 week bridge week as a result of a European Vacation/Cruise, followed by a 5 week block upon my return, with a bridge week before the competition.

 

* For the first 6 week block, I used a 2 movement main cluster of Buffalo Bar low bar squat and axle strict press from rack, 3 work sets per workout.  I made use of bodyweight chin ups (various grips) in a submax style, focusing on total rep accumulation, to include training them during the warm-ups and between sets of the main work.  This was in contrast to doing heavy weighted chins as a main movement: I was experimenting with emphasizing volume rather than intensity with the chins in order to build my back size in an approach I referred to as “Operation Planet Mongo” (a nod to Paul Kelso’s “Powerlifting Basics Texas Style”).  This back building priority is also why I settled on 3 work sets vs 5 for the main work: I wanted to have more time to focus on my back.

 

* Each of the 3 training days had a different follow-on workout after the main work: Day 1 was 20 rounds EMOM of dips, chins, ab work and band pull aparts, aiming to hit the total reps from Jim Wendler’s 5/3/1 Building the Monolith Day 1 assistance work (100-200 dips, 100 chins, 100-200 pull aparts).   Day 2 used my 6 week ROM progression mat pull/deadlift approach, and then a 3-5 round circuit of DB rows, reverse hypers, axle curls and ab work (once again, stealing from Building the Monolith’s day 2 assistance work).  Day 3 was Crossfit’s Cindy WOD (20 rounds of 5 chins, 10 push ups and 15 air squats), starting with bodyweight and then adding a weighted vest with gradual added weight over the 6 weeks, in preparation for Murph on the Memorial Day holiday that fell during the training block.

 

* Conditioning work emphasized the rower, once again with a desire to build my back.  I picked workouts that let me get in a lot of rower work, and would also do rounds on the rower post lifting workouts if I had time.  On Saturdays, I would do Sandbag over bar with my 200+lb sandbag, typically in an EMOM style. 

 

* I also kept my habit of daily carry work, focusing on carrying my 200+ sandbag once a day for 4 lengths in my driveway (going down and back twice).  I also endeavored to get in daily chins on non-lifting days.

 

* During my first bridge week (which was more like 2 weeks), I made it a point to get in resistance training when I could on my vacation, breaking into the cruise fitness center and performing the 100 press workout from Dan John’s Armor Building Formula using dumbbells, along with some general pump work.  Beyond that, I got in some bodyweight exercises.  Since it was 2 weeks off of training, I didn’t want to get too detrained.

The Armor Building Formula is old school AND legit

 

* For the second phase of the training (the 5 week block), I shifted back to 5 sets of main work (4 sets during the heavy week) and swapped the buffalo bar for a safety squat bar.  Emphasis was now shifted to specifically becoming stronger for strongman.  I kept the submaximal chins in the warm-ups/between sets.

 

* I changed the day 1 follow-on workout from BtM day 1 to my “ultimate shoulder circuit” from my book of bad ideas/the best press training cycle I ever ran.  This was a 6 round circuit of a press (rotating implements each round between trap bar, behind the neck press and axle press), dips to failure, lateral raises and band pull aparts.  Press was part of the competition, and I wanted to build mine strong.  I ended up keeping day 2 and 3 the same: I was appreciating how fit day 3 was keeping me in general, and day 2 was still benefitting my deadlift.

 

* I kept the daily sandbag carries, but dropped the daily chins, to spare my elbows.  I didn’t have time for follow-on rowing post lifting, now that I was doing 5 sets, but still chose conditioning workouts that allowed me to emphasize the rower.  One of my favorite adpatations was to take “Devil’s Trinity” and swap out the heavy bag for rower, going 1 minute rower, 1 minute KB swings, 1 minute burpees, 1 minute rest for 5 rounds.  It was really solid.  I also continued my weekly sandbag over bar.

 

* For the bridge week before the comp, I started the week by finishing my ROM progression cycle on deadlifts (hit a 10x425 VERY controlled deadlift) and spent the rest of the week walking on a treadmill or doing some light rower work.

 

* With this training block, I was effectively covering every event except for the wheelbarrow.  I figured the time spent trying to get better at that event would be better spent really nailing the other 4, because it was such a wildcard that trying to figure out how to jerry-rig something at home to get it to work didn’t seem worth it.

 

NUTRITION

 

When this dude talks, you should listen

* I remained on Vince Gironda’s “Maximum Definition Diet”, which I have previously detailed extensively.  It remained effective, with me weighing 79.7kg the day before the competition: VERY comfortably within my weight class, and having gradually dropped 7kg of bodyweight since the Christmas holiday.

 

THE COMPETITION

Always keep your cool

* I got up at 0530, ate a breakfast of a 10oz piedmontese grassfed New York Strip slathered in wagyu tallow alongside 4 pastured eggs cooked in the same tallow and topped with ghee, and then had a “Primal Fudge” keto brick and hour later during the 2.5 hour drive to the event…and weighed in at 181 with my competition clothes on.  Again: I got to play the game the way I wanted to play it.

* I warmed up by doing 2 reps on an axle with a 45 per side, then picked up the frame twice.

EVENT 1: 185lb Axle Clean and Press Away

* I got to go last in the first event, which meant I knew that I had to get above 7 to avoid getting last place. Highest score was 14 reps with 185. The continental wasn’t explosive, but the weight felt light. Looking at the video, I wasn’t using any leg drive at all, which is pretty standard for me. My knees really hold me back there. I was able to grind out those last 2 reps, which made me some fans in the audience. I’ve always been good at grinding reps. I missed co-second place by 1 rep, as we had 5 guys in my weight class, last place had 7, I had 8, and two tied with 9 vs the 14 in first. As I wrote: lost a lot today by inches.

 

EVENT 2: 365lb Frame Deadlift

* I went 2nd in the second event, knowing I had to beat 27, but wanting to set a VERY high mark to beat. We had to get a down AND an up command, and I did my best to wait for both, because in the press event I was the ONLY one that didn’t lose a rep due to outrunning the command. However, that proved to be a poor strategy here, as the 33 reps I got were a good amount, but I got beat by the other 3 guys who were willing to take a few no reps in order to outrun the commands and squeeze in more total reps. This was such a repfest of an event that it really came down to seconds.

 

EVENT 3: 450lb wheelbarrow (50’ – turn – 50’)

 

* The third event, the wheelbarrow, I came in dead last by 5 seconds. I’m not shocked by that: I didn’t train for it and I’m not very fast, and with both of my knees shot, it didn’t really suit me as far as running goes. Dusted myself off: I was still in 4th place: not last.

 

EVENT 4: 150lb Sandbag over 50” Bar

 

* The sandbag over bar, I got to go second and knew I needed to beat 12 reps. I had been training with an over 200lb bag at home, and the competition bag was 150, so I was able to breeze through it really well. Repeated a mistake from my last comp though: my fingers got trapped in my shoelaces when I reached down for the bag. That’s the second time that has happened: time to learn a lesson. That MAY have cost me a rep, which sucks, because the two guys ahead of me got 14 reps, once again, an opportunity to share second place on the event. But this meant heading into the final event knowing I wasn’t going to get last place.

 

EVENT 5: 150lb Sandbag Carry Max Distance

 

* I got to go second in this event. The guy before me did 4 full laps, a total of 800’. I knew I was going to beat that. I got to 500’, and, in truth, I could have just kept going. I’ve done a 5 minute carry before: this was significantly less than that, and I wasn’t hurting nearly as bad. However, I knew I had no shot of placing at this point, and didn’t feel like I needed to make myself the center of the universe by subjecting everyone in the audience to me carrying a sandbag for 8 minutes, so once I had comfortably beaten the guy below me I dropped the bag. However, what was cool about this was I went far enough with my carry that the guy in third couldn’t match it, so I overtook him, AND I set a very high standard for the next 2 dudes, with one only beating me by 3 feet and the final guy going 550’ total.

* I know that, if I knew the distance to beat, I could have beaten it. I am too good at dealing with the suck.

* When my effort was done, one of the other competitors asked me “Dude: who hurt you?”  I got a kick out of that.  In general, I had a lot of folks come up and tell me they admired my grit in the competition.  That’s pretty much what I bring.

 

TAKEAWAYS, LESSONS LEARNED, AND THE FUTURE

Time for some REAL old school progressive overload...

 

* I would have liked to have not made those small mistakes and put on a better show, but I really just had an absolute blast, I’m delighted that I lost by inches and wasn’t just totally blown out of the water, and my body feels absolutely incredible. 2 competitions ago, I finished and was completely physically broken. Now, I’m champing at the bit to get back to the gym on Monday. Knees, hips, shoulders and back are good to go, and I’m ready to do some eating and some growing.

 

* Which, on that note, I’m sticking with Tactical Barbell, as it’s just serving me incredibly well.  I’ll soon be a full year on the program.  I’m back to the Mass Protocol, doing Grey Man, but a little different.  Instead of A-B-A, B-A-B, it’s just going to be A-B-A on repeat, squatting and pressing twice a week and benching and deadlifting once a week.  I also intend to continue my daily carries, but with a twist: I’ll be using my loadable keg, and increase the weight 1-1.5lbs each day, ala Milo of Croton.  While my bodyweight goes up, so will keg weight, and I’m curious how far I can go with this.  If nothing else, a fun experiment.  Diet is going to be more of the same.

 

THEY CAN’T ALL BE BOSS FIGHTS

The “boss fight” is a time honored trope in the world of Role Playing Games, from tabletop to videogame, from console to computer, and whether you know them as bosses or BBEG (Big Bad Evil Guy), the experience is the same: you get to fight someone that is clearly a cut above the dungeon fodder you’d been mopping the floor with up until this point.  After countless battles against goblins and kobolds, or slimes, or sentient heads of lettuce (yes, this was an enemy in Final Fantasy 6), you run afoul of…a gigantic snail that stores lightning in it’s shell (yes, also an enemy in Final Fantasy 6), or perhaps some sort of dragon or an evil knight or something like that.  It becomes immediately apparent that these battles carry significance, as quite often the music changes, and the tactics that were previously slaughtering minions wholesale are now barely registering as effective.  We’re going to need to pool together ALL of our resources, and quite often, after the battle is fought, our party is in need of healing and resupply.  And it is precisely BECAUSE of this that not ALL battles can be boss fights.

Yes, this WAS the first boss I ever fought in an RPG, and I thought he was ridiculous even all the way back then

Boss fights are significant events within the realm of the game.  They tend to be milestone markers and rites of passage: an indicator that you have progressed to a “new level” in the game and, upon completion, validation that you have the appropriate skills to take on even BIGGER challenges.  Sometimes this is even underscored to the point that the first boss you fight in the game later becomes regular dungeon fodder, like fighting a demon known as “The Butcher” in Diablo, only to encounter many similar demons in the later parts of Hell.  And, in turn, as a rite of passage, we tend to walk away from them with the scars to prove our experience.  They are a draining and taxing encounter, and once completed, rest and recovery are in order.  If one were to go straight from one boss fight to another, they would surely face annihilation, the exception, of course, being FINAL bosses in games, which DO tend to be a series of boss fights linked together, culminating as the “capstone” experience of the game, where all the stops are pulled out and we have to REALLY prove how far we’ve come.

 

Which, in turn, leads to the argument of the NECESSITY of the NON-boss fights in the game.  We NEED these insignificant battles that string us from boss fight to boss fight, for they truly are NOT insignificant and, instead, hold the true significance of the fights themselves.  It is FROM these non-boss fights that we learn, grow, and develop those skills necessary to achieve victory IN the boss fight.  Funny enough, one of the clearest examples comes not from an RPG, but from the original Super Mario Brothers for the Nintendo Entertainment System.  Bowser, the fire breathing turtle lord, awaits us at the end of his dungeon as our first ever boss fight, but to get there, we jumped on goombas and stomped on koopa troopas and kicked their shells and launched fireballs, grabbed stars, jumped from platform to platform…and effectively learned all the skills needed to defeat Bowser upon encountering him.  Had the game just thrown us Bowser at the start, we’d perish, having no idea how to overcome him, but the game TAUGHT US how to win simply by navigating from left to right, and it allowed us an opportunity to accumulate extra lives along the way so that we’d have the resilience to survive this encounter and move on to the next level.

This was sheer terror in 8-bit form back in the early 90s

All this talk about video games and RPGs and where are we headed?  I know I’ve been guilty of this: trying to turn every training session into a boss fight.  Hell, I’ve played boss fight music IN my training sessions.  And there is certainly a time and a place for boss fights in our training, but not EVERY training session can be a boss fight.  Boss fights are significant events that have negative impacts on our recovery: they are taxing and place a great demand on us to recover.  If one is to stack a boss fight on top of another boss fight, over and over again, they simply never grant themselves the necessary amount of recovery to actually grow from the process of training.  They simply run themselves into the ground and die, metaphorically or otherwise.

 

Those non-boss fight training sessions are what SHOULD make up the majority of training, just as they do the majority of a good game.  And just like how those fights are teaching us how to play the game, they’re teaching us how to win the boss fight OF our training.  These training sessions are the learning sessions: we try to grove strong and crisp techniques so that our bodies LEARN what success feels like, we find ways to progress from workout to workout to perpetuate a positive feedback loop and, in turn, we understand that progress does NOT necessarily mean “more weight on the bar” each workout.  We progress with faster reps, cleaner reps, less rest between sets, more sets than last time, more density, etc etc.  We often come out of the training session feeling BETTER than when we started, because these sessions are SUPPOSED to make us better.  We know the boss fight is coming, and we are preparing for it by NOT being too destroyed by the time it shows up.  If we have to kill ourselves on the WAY to the boss fight, it’s a sure sign that we’re underleveled for this part of the adventure, and need to spend more time grinding away and developing ourselves.

May need a few more sandwiches along with those levels...

 

And much like how the boss fight/minion fight paradigm exists within the scope of from training session to training session, it ALSO applies from training CYCLE to training cycle.  It’s blatantly obvious that some training programs are just plain harder than other.  Deep Water is a harder training program than Easy Strength, which neither author will take umbrage with me saying, as the names alone are dead giveaways.  It’s not wrong to run either of these programs, but it’s worth appreciating that, upon running a Boss Fight program like Deep Water, the smart move is to move onto something like Easy Strength, in order to take a little bit of time to recover, regroup, and grow for the next program.  Hell, Deep Water itself acknowledges this within it’s own program, with Deep Water Advanced being a different animal from Deep Water Beginner and Intermediate, focusing more on AMRAPs vs fixed reps, sets and percentages, and we see this same approach in Super Squats with the two different 6 weeks workouts to alternate between.  Dan John lays out structures like this alternating between Armor Building Formula, Easy Strength and Mass Made Simple, Tactical Barbell structures this with the Operator-Mass-Specificity layout, Dante Trudel has this with “Blast and Cruise” on DoggCrapp, Jim Wendler’s Leaders and Anchors function this way, etc etc.  And I write this fully acknowledging I cobbled together my infamous 26 week gaining plan that is 6 HARD months of training, but ALSO acknowledge that, once that plan was done, there was never a recommendation to run it again right afterwards.  The bigger the boss, the longer the time needed to recover, and one can certainly argue that the 26 week plan fit within that “final boss fight” capstone I mentioned earlier.

 

All this to say that we have to have the maturity to understand that a game of ALL boss fights simply wouldn’t be a fun game.  Boss fights are significant BECAUSE they are significant: there is some gravity to the situation because it’s immediately apparent that this is “different” from what we’ve encountered previously.  Much like how, when we try to make a greatest hits album, it just makes us appreciate all the songs on it a little less, if ALL we ever did was fight bosses, none of them would really seem all that cool or significant.  We’d end up minimizing their significance and ultimately robbing us of the fun and wonder of overcoming them.  The same becomes true in our training: trying to turn every single training session into some sort of significant rite of passage style event just ends up souring the whole experience while stagnating our own growth.  We NEED those fodder fights BOTH to allow us the ability to grow and improve en route to the boss fight AND in order to make the boss fight carry the significance it needs to carry.  Spend the appropriate amount of time doing battle with goblins and heads of lettuce UNTIL they are comically easy SO that you’re able to advance past the boss onto the next level and start the whole process all over again, after you’ve achieved your adequate rest and recovery.  You’ll appreciate the next boss fight all the moreso for it.

HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE IS LITERALLY KILLING YOUR GAINS

Yes, that topic title is ironic like an Alanis Morissette song, because those clickbait titles drive me nuts, especially when I see them coming from legitimate sources (Dave Tate, I’m looking at you and your Table Talk titles that have practically nothing to do with what is actually being discussed).  The unfortunate thing about popularity when it relates to a hobby is that, the more people interested in your hobby, the more people want to try to find a way to make MONEY off of that interest and, in turn, the more disingenuous and unscrupulous practices tend to come to fruition.  And in the attempt to attract the attention of the lowest common denominator (as they tend to make up the largest demographic to pull from), hucksters take to the employment of hyperbolic language to create a false dichotomy in order to leverage their own product/approach.  “This is KILLING your gains”, “This ONE movement is all you need to gain”, “THIS approach is garbage”, etc etc, it’s a world where there are no shades of grey: everything is black and white.  If we want to talk gains killers, let’s talk the REAL gains killer here: hyperbolic language is literally killing your gains.

Anytime I hear the word "hyperbole", this pops in my head

 

First of all, let’s just go after that whole “killing your gains” comment, because it absolutely drives me nuts and I was equally guilty of thinking that this was a thing to be concerned about when I first started training.  Folks, when I first started drinking protein shakes, for one, I had to mix them in a big cup with a handmixer, because there WERE no shaker bottles and protein powder was stupidly thick, and, in turn, I’d look at how the sides of the cup were coated with the powder when I was finished and wondered if I “wasted” the shake because I didn’t get every single gram of protein.  So needless to say: I get it.  It’s too easy to get into our own heads when it comes to physical transformation and wonder if all of our effort is being wasted which, in turn, is a terrifying prospect that we could put SO much energy into something and get ZERO reward from it…which is EXACTLY what these predators attempt to capitalize on when they tell you that something is killing your gains.  They’re preying on your fear and anxiety, which, in turn, makes them total a-holes.  DON’T GIVE IN! 

 

Gains can NOT be killed.  This isn’t a thing.  They are slow to accumulate and, in turn, slow to lose, as much the reverse is true: anything quickly gained is quickly lost.  If you’ve ever allowed yourself to get out of shape as far as physical conditioning goes, you know you can get back in shape in a matter of weeks.  This is why fighters have fight camps that only last 8-12 weeks: it doesn’t take that long to get back into CHAMPIONSHIP shape.  And strength athletes have 8-12 week blocks to PEAK for a competition: it doesn’t take that long to get BACK to maximal ability.  What DOES take a long time is to build up TO the state of being able to perform at these levels IN a matter of 8-12 weeks: this is the foundation building, where the REAL “gains” exist.  And, in turn, it means that nothing done in the span of a day is going to kill or maximize your gains.  It also means one single training session isn’t going to make or break gains.  Gains are the result of consistent habits, applied over a LONG duration, with sufficient effort (where have we heard all that before?)  Little and often over the long haul, as Dan John says.

Unless, of course, you're this dude and you just deadlift 500kg on a whim

 

But because of these hucksters employing hyperbolic language, we ignore the obvious (effort, consistency and time) and hyperfocus on the minutia of training.  We get overly concerned about ensuring each muscle group is trained 2x per week, that we are training ALL sets to failure (hah!), that we get the party approved number of sets for each muscle, we rest the EXACT amount that is necessary, we eat EXACTLY when we’re supposed to eat and WHAT we’re supposed to eat, and we get so hyperfixated on the METHOD that we forget to actually track the RESULTS.  We have so much anxiety about correct EXECUTION that we forget that all of this work is for a purpose: to get results.  Because we end up mistaking correct execution for goal achievement, because gains take a long time to observe accumulating, and in the absence of patience to trust the process and watch the results roll in, we week self-assurance by ensuring we did everything “right” to ensure gains.

 

Because along with this, we deal with the hyperbolic language where methods only exist in 2 realms: awesome or garbage.  Something is either THE best approach/method/idea OR it is the WORST: there is no middleground in the battle of language.  And, in turn, this creates the false perception that not only does perfection exist, but that it’s obtainable and, in turn, EVERY decision is a navigating a minefield wherein we will either pick the BEST approach or accidentally choose the only other alternative: the worst approach.  And, again, this all boils down to the typical marketing approaching of not only promoting yourself but tearing down the competition.  It is not enough that I should win, but that others should lose.  We cannot peacefully and harmoniously co-exist in the world of physical transformation: it must be a case where it’s us versus them.

At least the creators of DnD made the right choice of "Half-Orc" VERY obvious

Folks, I saw this growing up between the Super Nintendo and the Sega Genesis, and quite frankly it looks just as goofy now as it did then.  We’ve lost perspective of the reality that most of us are, at most, going to achieve “good enough” when it comes to a method for physical transformation AND that enough time spent doing “good enough” over a long enough timeline is going to result in some INCREDIBLE physical transformations compared to the average populace who isn’t even bothering to try to do ANY manner of approach.  Paul Kelso did a fantastic job in Powerlifting Basics Texas Style of laying out his favorite movements per muscle group in a tiered system and, in doing so, explained how he felt some movements were BETTER than others, but all of them would achieve the goal of training the muscle and getting it to grow.  We saw Stuart McRobert do the same thing in Brawn, and Vince Gironda in “The Wild Physique”, and so many other credited and established authors who WEREN’T trying to fleece a bunch of beginners but, instead, genuinely interested and full of passion in the pursuit of helping others achieve their goals.  The common ground we find in the topic of physical transformation is that those who are truly passionate about this pursuit LOVE helping others “get to yes” by finding ANY means of succeeding, while those are in this game to make a profit for themselves LOVE to gatekeep by dictating that anything that isn’t THEIR specific approach is absolute garbage and totally ineffective.

 

Don’t let hyperbolic language hold you back.  Don’t listen to it, and don’t allow YOURSELF to adopt this framework in your own thinking.  Allow yourself some mental degrees of flexibility here when it comes to analyzing the approaches available to you.  If you just shut off your brain and only see things in terms of “awesome” or “crap”, you’re going to miss out on a LOT of the nuance between those two realms and, in turn, miss out on the little nuggets of gold that exist in even some of the poorest of ideas.  And if you let your own fear and anxiety overwhelm you regarding killing your gains you will, ironically enough, kill your gains due to all the cortisol this high stress ends up creating.  So relax: it’s just lifting weights.