THE LOGIC IN SUFFERING

I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently that, in the receiving of them, has me scratching my head.  They’re questions that seem to me both obvious AND unanswerable at the same time: how very Taoist of the question asker.  These questions revolve around my current training, and primarily focus on “why” and “how”, both of which, again, appear to me as obvious and not something I can answer, and I believe, fundamentally, what is lacking is an understanding of the logic that is inherent within suffering.  Suffering itself provides the answer, and attempting to explain beyond that is like attempting to explain the color purple to someone born blind: we’re attempting to provide an experience through words to someone with zero frame of reference.  Ultimately, this must be experienced in order to be understood, and ONCE experienced, the understanding is so profound that to question it becomes an affront.

"He has a point you know"

The two current aspects of my training generating the most buzz for these questions are my weekly “Monument to Non-Existence II” workout and my daily 5 minutes of Dan John’s “Armor Building Complexes” done with 24kg kettlebells.

The Monument, in its current state, consists of me taking 225lbs and doing as many front squats as possible, then racking the bar and immediately taking it out for a matching set of squats, dumping the bar and going into an immediate set of matching SSB squats, then turning around and finishing up with a matching set of deadlifts.  My current best is 18 reps at the start, per the video posted.

People have watched that video and asked “why 18 reps”…as though it is not apparent that 18 was ALL I could do.  You can see me fall into the rack as the bar slides down on that front squat.  I was DONE.  But folks who do not know the logic in suffering simply see the rep total and have it give them cognitive dissonance because it does not gel with their base 10 system.  10 squats?  Fine.  15?  Acceptable.  20?  The standard.  But 18?  What a bizarre number!  Folks: it’s how many I could do!  

Context is king

Then comes the next question: “what do you do next time?”  And it comes with so many helpful suggestions too: go for 20!  Add lunges!  Do more weight!  Folks: what’s next is more suffering!  This isn’t about progression: I’m not doing this to build muscle, get stronger, improve conditioning, refine technique, etc etc.  All I am doing is suffering.  I am pushing max misery and overcoming it.  Why?  Because overcoming IN AND OF ITSELF is worth doing when one is pursuing physical excellence and transformation.  Frequent overcoming is the process necessary in order to become something greater than.  In turn, if there is ANYTHING I am focusing on in that workout, it’s reducing the amount of time between movements, because THAT is where our true self is demonstrated.  Taking breaks between the movements is hiding from the suffering: we must dive head on into it.

The daily 5 minutes of ABCs are of a similar nature.  It’s simply 5 intense minutes of physical activity, wherein I’m able to get in cleans, presses and front squats.  It’s a full body assault done at least once a day.  And my numbers keep improving on it, my first attempt at it resulting in 18 in 5 minutes and now my current best being 26 in that time.  And when Dan John original threw down the gauntlet, it was for 30 in 5 minutes with 24kg kettlebells.  And now people tell me how CLOSE I am to 30.  But folks: 30 ISN’T the goal.  Suffering is the goal!  How fortunate I am that I have the power to determine WHEN the worst 5 minutes of my day are going to happen.  And again, I get asked “what’s the plan?”  There is no plan.  Chaos is the plan!  And beyond that, this is simply suffering administered in a controlled dose.  The “PRs” happen simply by nature of my improved ability to sustain suffering.  I’ve actually been DROPPING bodyweight while my ability goes up on these, because improvement has not been the goal: suffering has been the goal.

I may have the market cornered

And again: how do I explain that?  People look at exercise and want understandable results.  “Ah, you’re doing front squats, then squats, then SSB squats: this is a leg building exercise?”  No: I picked those movements because they really suck to do, and this way I could make 225lbs go a LONG way.  “Ah, daily ABCs so you get better at them?”  No: because they’re awful.  I was doing Tabata KB front squats before this, and legitimately had to stop because I was developing some pretty awful anxiety about doing them.  It’s amazing how I’ll suffering for 1 extra minute if it means I get to do some cleaning and pressing vs just front squats.  “Is this a conditioning workout?”  No: it simply IS.  It doesn’t need a reason: it is it’s own reason.  The suffering has it’s own logic: it doesn’t need to abide by yours or anyone elses’  There is an inherent, brutal, ugly logic behind it all, and attempting to explain it simply cheapens the experience.  It cannot be put into words: it must be experienced, and as soon as it is, it’s understood…and then it’s value in unquestionable.

Sometimes, “unnecessary suffering” is explicitly necessary, as it is through the experience of the suffering that we grow better.  In the Nietzschian sense of “that which does not kill me”, rather than trying to apply progressive overload, periodization, schemes, mechanizations, plans, and thought, sometimes it may simply be necessary to experience suffering so that one appreciates the logic in suffering and grows through the very overcoming of it.  Pick some workouts where the goal is simply to suffer as much as possible.  Push your heart rate deep into the redline NOT because you’re trying to improve your cardio, burn more fat, become better conditioned, but simply to experience that very sensation and understand it.  Be able to navigate the suffering, know how to find the ways to dig even deeper into that well of pain and find more available anguish.  Regularly subject yourself such that you become SKILLED AT SUFFERING.  Be able to appreciate the logic in suffering, such that you never need to ask “how” or “why”, but simply “when”.