DUNGEONS AND DIETS: NUTRITION FROM THE LENS OF DND (PART 3-POTIONS AND WANDS)

ON POTIONS AND WANDS

It’s true: sometimes we simply DON’T have enough players available to make a well-rounded adventuring party. Sometimes we were banking on SOMEONE being the cleric or the sorcerer and it just didn’t pan out.  In these situations, we attempt to fill the gaps with some potions.  Which are, of course: supplements.

I have purchased sketchier looking supplements

In DnD, we have healing potions.  They are a warrior’s best friend, because when you’ve been swinging the sword for too long and taking too many blows, you’re going to be low on some hit points, and in the absence of a buddy who knows some magic, a potion will heal you up right quick.  In that regard, even during periods of a protein sparing modified fast, I will make sure to take in some fish oil supplements, because, as we’ve observed before: you can quite literally die without essential fats, and prior to dying you will be VERY unhealthy.  The whole “fats=divine magic” thing is really a lot more true than it should be.  There are, of course, OTHER fatty acid supplements out there (MCT oil as an example), and there’s also the possibility of strategically employing fats AS a supplement itself (butter in the coffee ala “bulletproof”), but the point remains that there ARE methods of obtaining dietary fats without consuming them.  But we also observe the limitations there: a potion cannot REPLACE a party member: they simply help us get by until we are able to fully recruit someone to fill the role.  Because though a potion of healing is nice when we need HP, it can’t put on a suit of armor and take on some of the brunt of the damage, nor can it replace some of the other super awesome spells that the divine spellcaster can do.  It’s got one very specific function.

We observe the same thing when we attempt to replace our warrior.  Yes, there are potions and spells out there that can attempt to turn the more meager of traveling companion into a mighty warrior, but their effects are temporary at best and quite taxing on party resoruces.  Protein supplements have been around for decades now, the first generation of them being some horrible soy abomination that radically increased the presence of sulfur in training centers due to how strongly they wrecked the guts of those that consumed them.  These days, they are far more elegant and many have been so artificially flavored that it’s a damn near dessert to consume them at this point.  Which, of course, is an issue in and of itself: we lambast and bombard our tastebuds with so much artificial flavor we lose the ability to appreciate natural flavors, screwing with our satiety signals and creating a state of “false hunger”.  We observe the dangers of meddling with unnatural and unholy “black magic” when we are but noble savages.  

And 100% natural

That rant aside, protein supplements, much like supplemental fats, are once again something that is best utilized sparingly, in situations wherein we simply are unable to achieve our goals without them, or in those situations wherein we are attempting to accomplish a VERY specific objective.  “The Velocity Diet” and Jamie Lewis’ “Apex Predator Diet” are based around protein supplements in order to specifically accomplish a protein sparing modified fast, and both are paired with a fat supplement as well to prevent the maladies that occur when fats are too low, and in both of these cases, the use of the supplement is VERY specific and goal focused.  Those trainees that simply go STRAIGHT to the supplement before they even consider how they can get more protein in their diet vs food put themselves at risk of being ABSENT these spells and potions when the party gets jumped by some opportunistic ogre pack.  And once again, observe what is missing with these supplements: the associated fats and micronutrients one normally gets when consuming a whole food protein source.  Yeah: your thief may suddenly be able to swing a sword a little better with that potion of bull strength he consumed, but he STILL doesn’t have the ranger’s “favored enemy” ability to REALLY put the hurt on those ogres.  

Regarding using magic wands in the absence of an arcane spellcaster, though there ARE in fact carbohydrate specific supplements out there (things like runner’s gel/goo, waxy maize powder, etc), given that there is no such thing as an “essential carbohydrate” compared to fatty/amino acids, there isn’t quite the same market or demand for a blanket carbohydrate supplement.  What we DO encounter in that regard is weight/mass gainers, and the vast majority of these are simply garbage.  It’s basically maltodextrin (intensely processed corn, rice, potato starch or what), which is technically not classified as a sugar for the sake of nutrition labels, so companies can claim their mass gainer only has 8g of sugar per 1000 calories, even though this junk will spike your insulin and jack up your blood sugar.  That’s just downright lawful evil right there, and that kind of wizardry can only happen with arcane magic.  This is combined with a cheap protein powder and whatever other fillers they deem fit to put into it.  The massive amount of simple carbs will drive a huge insulin spike, which means that, despite drinking 1000-1500 calories of “food”, you’ll still be hungry, which DOES make weightgainers effective at gaining weight…but you can tell this is NOT the weight you want to gain.  This is like how you’d fatten up livestock: not build a strong and healthy human being.  In that regard, weightgainers are more like cursed items in DnD: you think it’s going to do one thing, but it does the opposite. 

If only all merchants were so honest

Where we MIGHT be more inclined to engage in some manner of arcane magic supplementation is when it comes to vitamin/mineral supplementation.  It IS possible to get all the vitamins and minerals you need from a diet that is fats and proteins with no carbs, but it does require some strategy/intention (organ meats, bone/cartilage, collagen, etc).  And even in a diet with carbs, it’s possible for us to be deficient in certain vitamins and minerals.  In this instance, a solid vitamin or mineral supplement can be effective.  Ideally, yes, we should get all of this in from whole food sources, but if the choice is to not get these in OR to get them in with supplements: take the supplement.  But, much like a magic wand is not a spellcaster, a supplement is NOT whole food.  It does not satiate, it does not absorb the same, it does not come with the paired/associated macronutrients or other micronutrients, and sometimes the body simply will not recognize/process the supplement.  We also must take into consideration variables such as if it’s a fat vs water soluble vitamin and how the dosage protocol works.  Water soluble vitamins aren’t too big a concern: you’ll pee out the excess.  Fat soluble vitamins taken to extremes can cause some significant issues.

The big takeaway from this entire section is this: if your party is lacking a key member, or if the key members of your party are underpowered for your current adventure, you CAN make use of potions and wands to bridge the gap, but that’s exactly what they’re for: gap bridging.  Much like the donut tire, they will get you to where you NEED to go, but once you’re there, you need to actually fix the problem.