Sunday, September 24, 2017

OBSERVATIONS FROM THE OUTSIDE



Dear readers, I have once again ventured out amongst humanity in an 8 day vacation, with 4 days spent in the Disneyworld parks and 4 other days on a Disney cruise.  This has once again given me an opportunity to observe humanity en masse, in many senses of that word, and report back my findings.  Without further ado


-Once again, I am aghast at the obesity epidemic hitting this country.  In fact, as a sad observation, with the cultural melting pot that is Disney, I learned to make the observation that, if someone was obese, they were American and, if someone wasn’t, they didn’t speak English.  This was helpful whenever I needed to ask someone to move out of my way, especially how, most often, the reason someone needed to move was because they were obese.

-The above is especially unfortunate as it relates to children.  These kids don’t stand a chance.  Their parents are doing them a disservice by starting them off so far behind the physical 8 ball, and if you want to know what the worse culprit is, it’s drinkable calories.  My kid eats a ton of junk and stays in good shape because it’s simply difficult to EAT a lot of calories, but you can suck down tons of juice/sodas/slushies/whatever and not even notice it.  That was why I was fat as a kid; Koolaid, but even then I was “90s kid” fat.  These kids are a whole different issue.

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This was pretty much me from ages 4-14

-As I get older, my indulgence in foot seems more variety oriented than quantity.  I’d be at the buffet, get a big plateful of a bunch of different food, eat it all and then contemplate getting more.  Realizing that I’d simply be getting more of what I already had rather than anything different, I saw no reason to make the second trip.  I had already “done it”.  It’s a weird psychological shift for me.

-On that note, I’m also a very simply creature.  I had a meal plan that allowed me to eat at the hotel every night, on their menu was a double bacon angus cheeseburger, and I had it every night after getting back from the parks.  And I looked forward to it every night.

-You can get in a solid workout with zero equipment.  Everyone complaining that they can’t is simply uncreative.

-I stole a page from Josh Bryant when the cruise dumbbells only went up to 50lbs and sat on a flat bench and pressed overhead, then went as high an incline as possible, then slowly worked all the way down to flat bench pressing.  Mechanical advantage dropsets.  Once again, people complaining about the dumbbells “not being heavy enough” simply aren’t creative enough.

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Look at this guy maximizing 135lbs

-I ended up losing 4lbs by the end of the vacation.  Part of this was walking 12 hours a day for the first 4 days, and part of it was, despite the food I had access to being very decadent, it simply wasn’t ALWAYS there.  I think food availability is one of our more critical nutritional issues compared to food quality.

-I engaged in “intermittent fasting”, aka, skipping breakfast, for the first 4 days.  Of course people like it; it’s easier. 

-It’s amazing how being around a bunch of out of shape people does nothing for your own body dysmorphia.  I still went through bouts of feeling too small or too fat over the course of 8 days, and of course that was primarily a result of different lighting/mirrors/photos/etc.  Nothing really changes over 8 days but our minds.

-The common stereotype is that women are insecure about their bodies and men don’t care, but I saw TONS of women just letting it all hang out in super small bikinis and tons of dudes who refused to be at the pool without a shirt on.  I do imagine we are seeing something of a cultural shift.

-It amazes me how many adults eat like children.  I was overjoyed at the amount of fresh veggies made available to me while cruising, and saw many plates that were the typical “brown and gray” of nothing but meat and potatoes.  And yeah, I get it “I’m on vacation”, but part of that experience is your ability to be able to eat all those things that are a pain in the ass to cook and clean.  And really, how many of these people are actually eating differently than they do at home anyway?

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"Hey man, the brownie adds color"

-Gaston wears a stuffed suit with fake muscles.  Come on now!  However, he also has the longest line for character visits, and it’s usually all women.

-I saw a LOT of obese people wearing Disney princess outfits or marvel superhero attire.  The crowning achievement was a dude in a motorized scooter with a batman shirt, a Deadpool tattoo, and a DBZ backpack.  I don’t get it.  I have a Punisher tattoo and wear a LOT of Punisher shirts.  I want to BE the Punisher.  I train hard in these hopes.  I can’t tell who is more deluded.

--Also, that guy in the motorized scooter was walking around later that day.  Don’t get me started on that.

-If you want to get super cut for a photoshoot or something, just walk around Disneyworld for 12 hours in 100 degree heat with a million percent humidity. 

-Rogue should pay some people to NOT wear their shirts.

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Hell, these guys aren't even WEARING the shirt

-My go to snack at parks/fairs is always the giant turkey leg.  Low carb, high protein right?  However, it always seems to be me and some 100lb girls that really enjoy this treat.

-I still can’t get the damn sword out of the stone.


-I like having a kid, because now I can buy all the toy swords and Viking stuff from Epcot under the guise that it’s “for them”.


-I’m starting to think I just don’t get joy out of food any more.  There is rarely something out there that is so delicious that I feel compelled to eat it knowing full well it’s not very beneficial to eat.  Meanwhile, I observe people that shovel copious amounts of garbage in their face in.  Really, how much happiness can a second serving get you that the first didn’t?

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