DUNGEONS AND DIETS: NUTRITION FROM THE LENS OF DND (PART 1-MACROS)

 I once again return to my nerd roots, dipping into the exciting realm of Dungeons and Dragons to be able to ham-fistedly deliver a metaphor on the subject of physical transformation.  This time we shall discuss nutrition under the lens of character class and adventuring party construction.  My apologies to those of you less versed in nerd culture: I shall do my best to attempt to explain, but only insomuch as it keeps my own interest at heart.

WELCOME TO THE DND WORLD

If this didn't pop into your head upon reading that title, we can't be friends

I’m currently flying without a net on this one and it may evolve as I write, but presently I want to discuss the 3 macronutrients: protein, fats and carbohydrates, and how they pair with character classes in the world of Dungeons and Dragons.  

In this instance, we’re going to say that your “diet”, a noun referred to the way that you eat (rather than the verb of “to diet”, typically meaning an attempt to lose weight via calorie restriction, and also rather than the other noun of “diet” referring to a short period of nutritional change in pursuit of a specific goal) represents your adventuring party in a game of Dungeons and Dragons.  A party is comprised of multiple characters, each with a specific role/function within the party.  Successful parties tend to be well balanced toward the pursuit of the goal (find the treasure, defeat the monster, rescue those in need, etc) and best able to maximize the strengths of the individuals while minimizing the negatives and weaknesses, and those that experience TPK (total party kill) tend to be those parties that just plain can’t get it together, function poorly as a unit, and are ultimately toxic.  

Right away, you already know some people out there that have AWESOME adventuring parties and some people where it seems like every day they’re one die roll away from having to roll for a whole new party…and in real life, most of us don’t get to make that roll.

Your party, in turn, is going to be comprised of all the things you eat, and those things contain some combination of the 3 macronutrients: proteins, fats and carbohydrates.  Let’s discuss those.

PROTEINS

Always pick Orc

Proteins are going to be the “warrior” or “fighting man” class of Dungeons and Dragons.  From here on out, I’m going to clarify that my background is in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, DnD 3.0-3.5 and Pathfinder, so if I screw up the name of your favorite class or omit one: forgive me.  Or bite me.

Why is protein this class?  Well, for one: I’m writing the blog, and ya’ll know that it’s my favorite type of class in Dungeons and Dragons: particularly the barbarian (to be discussed momentarily).  And, in turn, along with being my favorite class, I get to say it’s the most important class in the game.  EVERY adventuring party NEEDS a warrior if they hope to survive.  Assuming you are starting the game at level 1, your warrior is going to carry the party through the majority of combat encounters.  Your other character classes are simply too junior to be effective at this stage, and though they can be helpful CONTRIBUTORS to the combat efforts, it is the warrior that is going to lead the charge, take the hits, dish out the damage, and keep the party safe.

For those of you in pursuit of physical transformation, your adventuring party should be focused around the warrior.  Effort should be made to ensure you get in an adequate amount of protein every day, assuming your goal is physical transformation, as protein is what muscle is built out of.  This means, when you’re BUILDING muscle, you’ll want protein so muscle can be built.  If you’re losing fat, you’ll want protein so muscle can be spared.  In fact, many posit that protein should be higher DURING fat loss phases compared to muscle gaining phases, as a larger intake of protein can help spare muscle when calories are restricted, whereas it doesn’t require quite so much protein present in order to BUILD muscle so much as there is an abundance of calories in general.  This is why sumo wrestlers consistently rank in as athletes with the MOST lean mass present, despite a diet that does not prioritize protein the same way that a professional bodybuilder does.

Holy cow, someone beat me to this

Going further along this analogy, if you were to decide to have a party of nothing but warrior class types, you could honestly get pretty far for a while.  This would be known as a “protein sparing modified fast”: a diet of literally nothing but protein.  However, warriors run into one problem: they are CONSTANTLY losing hit points, because they’re always getting hit…because that’s their job.  They occupy the front lines, deal the damage and TAKE the damage so that the “squishier” party members can hang out safely in the back ranks and work their (quite literal) magic.  A party of all warriors will eventually die, much like you will if you eat a diet of nothing but protein (commonly known as “rabbit starvation”) which is why a SUCCESSFUL adventuring party will eventually look toward employing those with some healing magic: the clerics…which, in this case, is our dietary fat.

FATS

Too much jello CAN be harmful to your health...

There is lots of magic in the world of Dungeons and Dragons, and in the case of dietary fats, I am going to lump them into the realm of “divine” magic (in contrast to “arcane” magic, to be discussed monetarily).  Why?  Once again, my blog, my bias: because fats are healers, compared to proteins, which are warriors.  Proteins get you jacked and strong, fats keep you alive and healthy.  And a good cleric in your team will do exactly that: keep your party alive and keep them all healthy.  Specifically, this is because there are essential fatty acids: fats that, if we don’t consume, we will die.  In addition to that, fats play a role in the production of many incredibly valuable hormones in the body, to include, of course, testosterone: critical for those of you interested in physical transformation.  Protein alone cannot be used to manufacture these hormones, nor can carbohydrates: it is purely the role of fat, and though protein will provide us the essential AMINO acids that keep us alive, those fatty acids are purely a function of…well..fats.

But where the analogy continues.  As I wrote about protein, you want a party centered around the warriors, because they are the ones that can deal and take the damage.  HOWEVER, in a pinch, a cleric CAN stand on the front lines, primarily because they are the only magic users that are allowed to wear heavy armor.  Wizards are restricted to pretty much no armor whatsoever, druids can only don leather armor, and most other spellcasters have to wear little to no armor to continue to sling spells, but a cleric is allowed to cast divine magic while wearing the same heavy armor that a warrior can wear.  If you’re ever absent a warrior, you can have a cleric at least stand on the front line for you.  In much the same way, fats can be the primary fuel source of your body.  Some even argue that this is a preferred state to be in.  But in either sense, in a state of ketosis, the body runs off of fat rather than glucose, similar to an adventuring party that front lines a cleric (my analogy is failing here, as the alternative would seem a party headed by a carbohydrate/wizard…but thankfully gluconeogenesis to the rescue!  A warrior fronted party still works!)

HAH! 4 fighters beating up 2 wizards: I love it!

And what’s fascinating to observe here is that an adventuring party of nothing but warriors and clerics is a VERY viable adventuring party.  The warriors stand on the front line and bash: the clerics hang out next to them and heal.  Similarly, a diet of nothing but protein and fat is a VERY viable diet.  Ketogenic, Ketovore, Carnivore, etc, these ways of eating have existed for a LONG time and have proven themselves indefinitely sustainable.  The warriors head up the front, the clerics keep us alive and healthy…so what does this tell us about the final macro?  

CARBOHYDRATES

You knew what you were getting into if you follow this blog

Here I let my inner-barbarian shine, because I ascribe carbohydrates to the “arcane magic” category, which means they are unnatural, powerful, and not to be trusted.  Yes, my bias gets to shine through blatantly here.  But allow me to clarify that I am not “anti-carb”: I still consume them, but in doing so I “use” carbs, whereas I “eat” protein and fats.  But allow me to continue.

In the world of DnD, we discussed divine magic, aka white magic: magic used for healing and protecting the party.  The alternative is arcane magic/black magic: magic used to inflict harm on the enemy, summon unholy and unnatural monsters to your aid, conjure up armies of zombies, wield the elements like weapons, etc etc.

In this regard, carbohydrates make up your arcane spellcasters: wizards, sorcerers, etc.  Because carbohydrates are magic…for good and for ill.  And in THAT regard, I’ll go on to say that arcane spellcasters can really help bolster the strength of your adventuring party…or they can be a total wasted slot that could have been better occupied by another warrior or a cleric.  Opportunity cost at its finest.  That’s because you have to know HOW to effectively use an arcane spellcaster in order to make the most out of them, and those that don’t know how to play them will invest in a terrible spell portfolio and create some sort of one-tricky pony glass cannon that the party CONSTANTLY has to rush to the rescue.  And in that regard: trying to head up a low level adventuring party with nothing but arcane spellcasters is a surefire recipe to experience Total Party Death against the first group of aggressive goblins you encounter.  Similarly, you can live on a diet of nothing but fats and proteins, and you will absolutely die on a diet of nothing but carbohydrates.

I honestly like how the analogy is shaking out right about now…

Once again, my bias here, but I’m saying arcane spellcasters are NOT essential for an adventuring party.  I have played many a game without one, and we got by just fine.  BUT, I also cannot refute that a GOOD arcane spellcaster is a massive force multiplier when employed effectively, but, also, a terribly built arcane spellcaster is a massive detriment to the party, expending resources as they are in constant need of rescue, healing and replenishing.  Arcane magic is “non-essential magic”, in the same way carbohydrates are non-essential macronutrients.  Whereas there ARE essential amino acids and fatty acids, there is no essential carbohydrate.  A carbohydrate is pure energy…similar to arcane magic really.  Again: I dig how this is shaking out.

So what does effective arcane spellcasting resemble?  Strategic employment.  If all you do is just spam every spell you have as soon as you have them, you’ll exhaust your supply rapidly and not have the spells you need when you need them.  And an arcane spellcaster without spells is, objectively, the worst character class in the game.  Even a warrior without a weapon is formidable in the battlefield because they are simply strong enough to deal damage and hardy enough to withstand it, and even a cleric without magic can STILL swing a mace decently and take some blows.  BUT, when the moment DOES come for a perfectly timed arcane spell and it sails into the battlespace, victory becomes that much easier.

and we haven't even discussed the thermogenic nature of food yet!

In that regard, we can discuss strategic employment of carbohydrates.  If we were originally a party of Warrior and Cleric, it means we were most likely in a ketogenic state.  When we introduce an arcane spellcaster, we transition out of ketosis and transition to burning sugar, which is a VERY powerful fuel source for the body.  Many argue that the ketogenic state is the “natural” state for humans, with consumption of steady states of carbohydrates being a more recent phenomenon.  In turn, our bodies tend to burn carbs quite quickly and preferentially when in the presence of them as a means of survival: it allows us to spare valuable muscle and fats for fuel.  This is why we have things like sugar buzzes/highs and crashes: the body will rapidly burn through its carbohydrate energy supply, giving up a big energy spike and a crash, not unlike the effects of a barbarian rage.  Carbs are also notorious for creating insulin spikes, which drive hunger signals quite strongly as well, which is why when we eat carbs we tend to crave MORE of them quite quickly, whereas fats and proteins tend to be far more satiating.

But in the discussion of strategic employment of arcane spellcasters, what we’re discussing is, in turn, a cyclical ketogenic diet (CKD).  As the name implies, we are cycling ketosis.  We introduce the carbs WHEN we need them, allow them to work their magic (heyo!), and then back off them again so we can reset back to a state of ketosis.  This allows us to maximize the benefits of a ketogenic state AND the benefits of carbohydrates, for as one observes, the body tends to become listless and dull when it remains “adapted” for too long: there is a necessary degree of hormesis in the pursuit of physical transformation.  Breaking the body out of ketosis with a strategic introduction of carbohydrates allows for the re-introduction of ketosis, and being IN a state of ketosis allows the effects of carbohydrates to be maximized compared to when one consumes them after prolonged periods of regular carbohydrate consumption.  Think of it similarly to what happens when someone who obtains from caffeine has an energy drink vs someone that drinks a pot of coffee a day.  The latter needs the caffeine just to feel normal: the former is going to fly to the moon.  And in that regard, I’ll say that, just like in DnD, some people are simply better at playing with arcane spellcasters than others, and for those folks they DO better with a party more heavily biased in that direction.  But some folks are in a party full of wizards that would be better off with a few more swords and fewer words.

Rest assured: this dude ate plenty of meat...but no hamsters

Here, once again, my personal bias shines through, but this has been my experience when it comes to use of carbohydrates. In reference to my previous nutrition post, the majority of my nutrition is meat and eggs, but once a week (at most) I have a meal that is richer in carbohydrates.  These days, it’s a meal with the family, and the focus is more on just coming together at the table and enjoying each other’s company, but it still tends to have a carb focus (think pastas, casseroles, breads, etc).  Since it’s a once a week meal, by the time I get to it I am as carb depleted as I could possibly be, as a full week of HARD training has occurred while carbs have been effectively non-existent.  Two days after this meal, I tend to really feel the effects, seeing my muscles filled up with glycogen and feeling energized/recharged.  I’ve heard this cyclical approach is also beneficial for maintaining a healthy hormone profile, improving sleep, keeping the metabolism humming and not allowing BMR to set too low, etc etc.  Is there any science to it?  Who cares: this is magic baby!

I like to think of the above as a “mercenary spellcaster” strategy.  Whereas the warriors and clerics may be part of the party out of some sense of honor, duty or loyalty, the arcane spellcaster is merely there to provide a necessary service and will depart once the contract is over.

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WHEW!  That's quite a bit of reading for you, and I hope you enjoyed it.  On part 2, we'll dive into actual character classes as it relates to food choices.