NO, YOU DON’T GET TO BE A BARBARIAN-MONK: QUIT TRYING TO BE A MUNCHKIN

Yes, I’m sure the title to this post has already alienated some, although given my reduced readerbase these days I do imagine that those of you that DO continue to read me as so fiercely loyal that you’re incredibly well versed in my nerdery, and I thank you for being here: you’re the kind of people I want to hang around with.  But today’s topic will have us discussing two character classes from Dungeons and Dragons: The Barbarian and the Monk.  I’ve written previously about these two classes, and my love of the Barbarian is quite well known, but it shouldn’t be too shocking to others to know that I DO have an appreciation for the monk, primarily because my first “love” in the realm of physical transformation came by way of martial arts, and I still continue to train them to this day, hence, the notion of being able to play a super awesome unarmed non-magical badass in a world where people wear armor and cast spells was always pretty cool to me.  And, in turn, it’s worth recognizing that the creators of Dungeons and Dragons recognized how awesome these two classes are such that they made it that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to actually be both a barbarian AND a monk at the same time...which again, in a world where there are literal MAGIC SPELLS, alongside dragons and other mythical creators, the idea of a “barbarian monk” was so absolutely ludicrous that it was impossible to achieve…so what does that mean for you?

For me, it meant finding out that this game exists...and now I want it

 

How about a quick overview to set the stage and explain WHY you can’t be a barbarian monk.  Once again, what makes the barbarian awesome is that he’s a rage powered smashing machine that is able to tap into his primal instincts to make himself stronger and tougher for a short period of time, greatly enhancing his ability to engage in close quarters combat without having to rely on extensive martial training like a fighter.  Going nerdy in another direction here: he’s The Incredible Hulk.  A monk is very much the opposite: he operates outside of emotion, remaining peaceful and tranquil and employing his years of extensive martial arts training to be able to achieve unarmed combat feats that are borderline magical in their appearance.  He’s Ironfist…or Black Panther…or one of the many other martial artist superheroes out there.  But the key observation there is how opposite the two are: one powered by rage, the other a product of extensive focused training.  This is reflected in the requirement for the alignment for either class: a barbarian can NOT be lawfully aligned: their character class requires them to either be chaotic or, at best, neutral as it relates to complying with the law/codes.  A monk, meanwhile, MUST be lawfully aligned: they cannot be chaotic or neutral.  In turn, it simply is NOT possible for one character to be a “barbarian monk”, whereas for many other characters you CAN be multiple character classes at once (“fighter/thief”, “ranger/cleric”, “cleric/wizard”, etc).  You either get the be a barbarian OR a monk, and if you want to be both, your only way to accomplish that is to either abandon one class to play the other, or have your current character die off so you can roll the other and play that.

 

Once again: the creators of DnD recognized something about reality that many of us missed out, because even in a world of fantasy and magic they realized that there are some rules that simply can NOT be broken.  In your pursuit of physical transformation, you do NOT get to be a “barbarian monk”.  Who are the physical transformation barbarians?  Barbarians are instinctual warriors, hence, these are the instinctual transformers.  They use no spreadsheet, they perform no calculations, they track no macros: what they bring to the fight is intensity and purpose.  They also still eschew magic, like a good barbarian: they’re not going to try to figure out the way to squeeze Pop-Tarts into the diet or swap out squats with leg presses and “make it work”: they understand that the old ways are the good ways.  The monks are of opposite alignment: they are precise, measured, tracking all of the data, having a well-planned out approach with many details sorted, they engage in sessions where there is a measured reserve to ensure continued success and they don’t let emotion get in the way of execution: if they’re feeling good that day, they don’t go for that PR unless it was part of the plan.

You can see those monk habits exists across multiple faiths

 

And in understanding this, we fully understand how one cannot be both a barbarian and a monk at the same time.  They’re simply so oppositely aligned that they do not work together, and, most likely, pairing them together would be unfair for anyone else as they would be too powerful of a class.  BUT, what we observed is that there IS a way to play the barbarian AND the monk: it simply cannot occur at the same time!  In DnD terms, the character needs to die and a new one needs to be rolled, and we can easily extend that metaphor into the sphere of physical transformation.   We simply need to be a barbarian until we die: until barbarism becomes unsustainable OR unproductive.  We are barbarians until we simply cannot be them, and THEN we become monks.  Oh my goodness: periodization shows up again!  Because the principle of it is so fundamentally sound that no matter WHAT the venue, it proves true.

 

There is absolutely a time for unabashed barbarism in the realm of physical transformation.  We often NEED to engage in those instinctual unmeasured behaviors for us to return to that primal instinct of ours.  We need to train based off emotion and feel, we need to relearn how to eat based off of our hunger cues and satiety signaling, AND we need to learn WHAT to eat based off the feedback our body provides us.  We need to be in tune with ourselves, and we need to be able to unleash our powerful rage to achieve abilities far beyond our normal grasp.  And after that time has reached its zenith, we need to die and roll ourselves as a monk, taking a calculated and measured approach, studying the ways of those who came before us and using THEIR methods, operating based off the calculations rather than off the instincts, and forcing ourselves to operate AGAINST our very nature, so that we can grow strong through the discipline that this ascetic lifestyle instills in us.  And, one day, we will die from too much of that discipline, and it will be time to be a barbarian again.

The cycle perpetuates

 

There are no half measures here: you cannot try to have the monk’s discipline with the barbarian’s rage, nor can you attempt to pick and choose which of the two’s features you wish to possess.  The designers recognized this in their development of the game (am I talking about Gary Gygax when I say that or God…or is there a difference?) and they made it clear where the limitations are, but budding young players who DO want the experience both classes simply have to understand that the way to achieve this outcome is by simply knowing that, when your time has come up with one class, it’s time to play the other.