YOU CAN’T SPRINT A MILE

Once again, slumming around on the internet benefitted me, for in the course of explaining an idea about training I ended up creating an analogy I’m pretty pleased with and intend to share with you, dear reader.  What’s interesting about this is it demonstrates something that we all instinctively “know”, yet are prone to forgetting when it comes time to actually put rubber to the road.  Specifically, I am referring to the idea in the title: “you can’t sprint a mile”.  We all “know” this.  And yes, this WILL require some pedantry to succeed, but you know that’s well within my purview.  The very definition OF a sprint is such that it simply can NOT be maintained FOR a one mile duration (for my non-American audience, feel free to substitute kilometer here, the point remains).  A sprint is an explosive topspeed full out run that can ONLY last for a short duration BECAUSE of the sheer amount of intensity involved in it.  Your heart rate immediately goes into the red zone, lactic acid rapidly fills inside of your muscles, your lungs are on fire, your muscles burn, and you leave it all out there.  Athletes will train their entire lives for the sake of covering 100 meters in the span of less than 10 seconds, the cheetah can hold its top speed for 30 seconds, and we see the 400m “sprint” being recognized as the longest distance sprint event for humans, as after we cross that threshold we are in the realm of middle and long distance running.  Why am I talking so much about running on a blog that is primarily focused on lifting things (despite the pivot toward “physical transformation” vs “bigger and stronger”)?  Because this lesson absolutely applies universally to all matters of physical transformation: we can NOT maintain a sprint for long distances.

This is why the Juggernaut applies a more "slow and steady" approach

 

Wherein do we observe sprinting efforts in the realm of physical transformation?  It is in those specific efforts TO transform that we are “sprinters”.  The body enjoys homeostasis.  It enjoys it so much that it will FIGHT to maintain its own status quo.  Transformation is metabolically expensive: either the body must create new tissue in response to a demand stimulus to do so (through resistance training) OR the body reduces tissue when there is a demand to do so (typically in the form of an imposed deficit of nutrition), and in the case of the latter we manipulate the body to prioritized muscle OVER fat: imagine the degree of trickery necessary to achieve that outcome!  Thus, in order to trigger these responses, SPRINTING is necessary.  A casual jog will not suffice, nor will a hard running effort: we must employ a sprinting effort in order to create enough demand upon the body that it determines that maintaining homeostasis is actually MORE demanding than changing. 

 

When we observe those protocols effective at achieving physical transformation, we observe sprints.  Super Squats, Mass Made Simple, 5/3/1 Building the Monolith, Feast/Famine/Ferocity, Deep Water Beginner, Deep Water Intermediate-all 6 week sprints (both training AND nutritionally: hello gallon of milk a day/1.5lbs of ground beef and a dozen eggs a day/a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and jelly in a backpack/the sheer magnitude of deep water eating).  The Velocity Diet?  A 28 day sprint.  The 10000 kettlebell swing challenge?  A 20 day sprint.  All of these sprints are absolutely fantastic at being the catalyst for physical transformation and, in turn, NONE of them can be sustained indefinitely.   

Folks, it's got "Velocity" in the name...just think about it

 

Dan John refers to it as “park bench-bus bench”, 5/3/1 has programmed deloads, DoggCrapp has “blast and cruise” (and, in turn, the blasts of DoggCrapp are ABSOLUTELY sprints), Super Squats has you alternate between 20 rep squats and 5x5, and even Deep Water’s advanced phase could be argued to be a period of non-sprinting, but in all instances, after the sprint comes the rest and recovery.  Why?  Because you can’t sprint a mile.  And if you TRY to do so, all you get is a TERRIBLE mile time.  What would happen if you actually attempted to sprint a mile?  You’d burst out of the starting line, blast ahead of all the other runners…and MAYBE if you’re one of the top athletes in the world, you’d clear the first quarter of a mile in a little over 40 seconds…and then just flat out die.  Your “sprint” from there would rapidly descend into a plodding, labored, exhausted death march, the entire time getting passed by weekend warriors and parents pushing babies in strollers.  In turn, this is why those who run the 1600m DON’T employ this strategy and, in turn, why sprinters don’t train this way TO sprint.  What do sprinters do when they train the sprint?  They sprint!  And then the rest, recover, and sprint again.  Why?  Because to do so is to ensure quality repetitions OF the sprint, rather than reinforcing poor technique and performance by attempting to “sprint” while still under fatigue.

 

So first, that there speaks to why Easy Strength works (which Dan John can explain much better in his Easy Strength Omnibook AND Easy Strength for Fat Loss) and it also explains why the mainwork in 5/3/1 tends to be so light, but in the context of physical transformation allow me to finally arrive at my original point: our sprinting efforts can only be maximized when we approach them in a state wherein we CAN apply maximal sprinting effort.  Which means: if we try to sprint TOO long OR if we try to sprint before we are recovered from the previous sprint, we will simply be unable to apply a full sprint effort TO the sprint.  Instead, we will employ, at best, a fast run, but realistically even THAT will most likely be beyond our capabilities if we TRULY sprinted during our sprint. 

Most likely at about this pace

 

This becomes an issue for those that seek to engage in long sprints: they will find that their results may be significant at the start, but they rapidly decline, and quite possibly regress, as time goes on.  The yearlong “bulks” that start off so promising and end with a trainee resembling a melting candle, 6 month long “cuts” wherein the trainee ends up with dark circles around their eyes, no muscle on the extremities, and STILL a spare tire around the waist, and so many other Icarus like stories wherein the ambition of the trainee simply cannot match the degree of effort necessary to achieve these ends.  There is nothing wrong with a goal of great physical transformation, it is simply an unfortunate reality that patience and nuance are necessary in the pursuit of these goals.  That intense drive to succeed is outstanding, make use of it!...for a short time.  And then back down, recover, regroup so that you can do it again!

 

For say we go back to our sprinter attempting his 1 mile race.  Let’s say, instead of trying to maintain the sprint for 1 mile, they sprint until they experience fatigue, begin walking until they feel recovered and then decide to sprint again?  Those in the running “know” may understand this as the “Galloway Method”, or even simply the “Fartlek” (speed play) training method, but in either case, once again: the precedent is there.  We CAN cover longer distances WITH fast runs so long as periods of reduced intensity are employed between the efforts as a means to facilitate recovery.  Rather than trying to maintain a top effort for the entire time, we recognize that we can actually go faster by GOING SLOWER, for in the periods of slowness we prep ourselves for maximal speed.

A sentiment expressed by someone who is, by all accounts, a little slow

 

And hell, depending on your perspective, one CAN attempt to sprint for long DURATIONS, but it would have to be done in opposite directions.  In Dan John’s “Mass Made Simple”, he speaks about the significance of starting out lean BEFORE engaging in a mass gaining protocol, which perfectly mirrors up with Jamie Lewis’ approach in “Feast, Famine and Ferocity”, which in and of itself effectively contains 2 sprints run back to back: a 2-4 week protein sparing modified fast during the famine, and 4 weeks of “feasting”.  Both are absolutely sprinting efforts, but run in such opposite directions that it effectively resets the body in both cases to be prepared FOR the upcoming sprint.  I’ve frequently espoused that the value of the famine is less so about fat loss and moreso about prepping the body to absorb the nutrients form the upcoming feast.  And THIS principle is also not without precedent: bodybuilders reference the “post show rebound” as an excellent time for rapid maximal growth, after going through a HARD period of serious depletion.   These folks are cautioned about not sprinting TOO hard in their regaining, sure, but they are just as equally cautioned about NOT trying to maintain that competition level of leanness for any longer than absolutely necessary.  The sprint to leanness has ended: it’s time to cool down before we start again.

 

Honestly, I could keep writing about this.  There’s so many instances and opportunities present to explore this notion.  But consider just how much of it is based on something we all instinctively understand, and realize, in turn, how often these things can apply to the realm of physical transformation.  Take the lessons learned and apply them!  Many of these things are universalisms because the rules that govern the universe apply UNIVERSALLY.  Don’t try to sprint a mile: make the most OF the sprints and then do what it takes to get ready again. 

"WHY DO I HAVE TO SQUAT/DEADLIFT IF I WANT MY WHOLE BODY TO BE BIGGER?"

I’m going to start this off by saying that I have zero interest in backing up anything I’m about to write with scientific studies.  My time in academia has taught me that there are studies for just about anything, and anyone that says a study “proves” something either does not understand the definition of the word “study” or “prove”.  In general, many people who enthusiastically pursue studies to read lack the ability to properly understand, interpret and extrapolate FROM said studies in the first place, whereas those that have such an ability will get the study, read it, say “neat!” and move on.  So with that said…

Once again, we could all stand to learn from Gaston

 

A common lament among many trainees is that they want to get bigger but they don’t want to squat or deadlift.  They then wonder WHY so many programs based around gaining have one or both of these movements in them.  And, inevitably, they try to work around the system by replacing the squat with a leg press, leg extension, lunges, dumbbell squats, etc, and the deadlift with Romanian deadlifts, or simply nothing (cutting them out entirely).  And, of course, they don’t get near the results they desired, and they assume this is a flaw of the program.  These same trainees will also go on to point out advanced trainees in the bodybuilding sphere who do not employ the traditional squat or deadlift and manage to make tremendous gains.

 

**THE PRECEDENT**

PSH, what did these two know about getting jacked?

 

So let’s break down a few things before we go any further.  What are some programs where the squat and/or deadlift feature prominently AND which result in fantastic gains?  Super Squats, Dan John’s “Mass Made Simple”, Jon Andersen’s “Deep Water”, and Jamie Lewis’ “Feast, Famine and Ferocity” and “Juggeryoke” protocols.  Of those, Deep Water is the only program not specifically marketing itself as a “hypertrophy program”, being more about simply reaching beyond your limits and total body transformation, but by all accounts, all people that have run it and survived saw tremendous hypertrophy outcomes.

 

Each of these programs has a slightly different manner of approaching the emphasis on the squat/deadlift. 

 

*SUPER SQUATS*

Single-handedly keeping the dairy industry in the black

 

In the instance of Super Squats, the program is centered around 1 set of (traditionally) 20 reps of “the breathing squat”: a technique wherein you take in a minimum of 3 of the DEEPEST breaths of your life into your chest between EACH rep of the squat.  This creates an effect wherein you stretch out the duration of the squat set for a LONG time compared to if you just fired off 20 reps as fast as possible.  Immediately after this set of squats, the trainee does a set of light pull overs to stretch out the rib box, and then (if doing the full program) will hit up a set of straight legged deadlifts with a very long ROM.  All of this is alongside a full fledged bodybuilding style program, with some style of pressing, pulling, arm work, waist work, etc.

 

*MASS MADE SIMPLE*

The PBJs were a lot more palatable...but the barbell complexes were NOT!

 

For Dan John’s “Mass Made Simple”, the squat is the final movement of the training day, versus being in the middle like in Super Squats of Jamie Lewis’ programs, primarily because Dan intends for you to be completely wiped out after the squat set.  Dan’s goal for the trainee at the end of the program is to be able to squat their bodyweight for 50 reps WITHOUT racking the bar.  He builds in a progressive approach to getting there within MMS, getting the trainee accustomed to high rep squatting with a variety of loads.  All of this on top of some upper body work and HEAVY barbell complexes (which, in turn, are a sneaky way to get in a few more squats).  There is no deadlifting featured in this program.  Dan has a proposed theory that there is always “one more squat” in a trainee due to the movement not requiring much use of the hands to manipulate the load, whereas the deadlift tends to be limited in that regard (I’m significantly paraphrasing here, it’s well worth seeking out Dan’s explanation).

 

*JAMIE LEWIS*

Changing your life for $80 is pretty worth it...and the menu is quite a bit more diverse

 

Jamie Lewis has 2 different squat approaches in the two programs listed.  For FFF, after some heavier squat work, Jamie has the trainee cut the weight down to a certain percentage (50-65%, depending on where they are in the program) and go for max reps.  Jamie also tends to have days where the trainee takes a heavy load for 10-12 sets of heavy singles or triples.  In the case of Juggeryoke, Jamie prescribes the weight of 135lbs for the squat and has the trainee squat for TIME: 2-3 minutes, and 1-2 sets.  A strong trainee will find themselves getting in MANY reps with this approach, but even a less strong trainee will STILL endure an equal amount of time UNDER the load: just not necessarily squatting it.  There is no specific deadlift in Jamie’s protocols: he is outspoken in his approach of NOT deadlifting to build the deadlift.

 

 

*DEEP WATER*

Super Squats had us milking the cows: this program has us slaughtering them.  Even the sacred ones.

 

Finally, Deep Water’s approach is the most radically different of the group but no less brutal: 10x10 for squats one week, 10x10 for deadlifts the next, and then either going from 4 minutes of rest to 3 to 2 over the span of 6 weeks OR getting those same 100 reps in 9 sets and then 8 sets.  Both are instances of progression via increased density, compared to the above programs where progression is accomplished via increasing load on the bar (although, in the case of MMS, it’s both, as you endeavor to get those 50 reps in as few sets as possible, eventually getting down to a single set).

 

**THE COMMON VARIABLE**

I'll give you a hint...

TIME UNDER LOAD!  No, not “time under tension”, because that concept results in trainees doing goofy things like 30 second eccentrics with a 2lb dumbbell.  By time under load, I’m referring to the notion of having a weight ON your body.  The barbell back squat (I hate having to say “back squat”, but if I don’t inevitably I’ll be asked about the front squat) in particular is incredibly effective at achieving this, because it allows a trainee to have a SIGNIFICANTLY heavy load on the body for a long duration.  You can camp out for a LONG time with a barbell on your back before you tap out.  The strongman yoke would be about the only other implement that could give that a run for the money.  In the case of the deadlift, so long as a trainee is using straps and “resting” in the locked out position rather than on the floor, they can achieve a very similar effect as well.  The load isn’t on the spine, no, but the body is “under load” while we hold onto the weight.

 

In the case of Super Squats and MMS, the time under load is concentrated within a single set, and it’s a VERY long set.  The breathing in Super Squats generates more time under load, whereas gathering oneself for another squat to get to 50 in MMS requires much time under load.  In the case of Deep Water, the sets are shorter, but there are TONS of them, and by sets 8-10 one will find themselves being under the bar for quite a while waiting for the energy to arrive to finish out the set.  In the instance of Jamie Lewis’ protocols, it’s a mix of the two: the high set/low rep heavy work accumulating much time under the bar, and the widowmakers being a long time under load as well, to say nothing of a straight up prescription for time under the bar in the case of Juggeryoke.

 

**WHY DOES THAT MATTER?**

Gonna have to disagree here

 

Once again, no studies here: let’s just use the “sniff test”.  The body doesn’t like building muscle.  It’s a metabolically expensive process just to BUILD the damn stuff, to say nothing of maintaining it.  The body prefers homeostasis.  The body will only build muscle in an instance wherein it perceives that NOT building muscle would put the body at risk.  This is done by imposing a strong demand on the body.  A heavy load placed ONTO the body generates a significant stimulus on the body to build muscle ONTO the body.  When we stand there with a heavy load on our body, our entire body is stressed, and the body receives the signal that it needs to build muscle EVERYWHERE.  It is not the bending and unbending of the legs during the squat that is causing this to occur: it’s the load we bear DURING the squat that is promoting whole body growth.

 

The process of building muscle is a process of enduring maximal STRAIN in order to promote growth.  And no matter how many goofy faces and screaming you do in the gym, a hard set of curls just isn’t going to compare to a vomit inducing 50 rep squat workout.  Again: we KNOW this on a level beyond intellect: instinctively, we know that, in order to grow, we have to strain and endure.  When we see a muscular human, we are observing a human that has engaged in frequent “overcoming”, which is why we instinctively find such a physique impressive.

 

Of course, that being said: the muscles involved in squatting and deadlifting ALSO happen to be the largest muscles in your body (which is why we can use the heaviest loads during this time), and training big muscles is another way to promote the body to grow muscle in totality, PLUS it also tends to trigger an immense sensation of hunger, which is FANTASTIC for growing big and strong.  It’s why all these programs ALSO come with an eating protocol prescribed (gallon of milk a day with LOTS of food on Super Squats, PBJs on Mass Made Simple, the Deep Water nutrition protocol and Jamie’s “feast” prescription and the content of his Grimoire).

 

**DON’T BE STUPID**

This is honestly a great start

No: squatting will not make your biceps bigger.  I mean, yes, it will a little, in the sense that adding bodyweight will make your body bigger, but you STILL need to train the muscle that you want to grow in order to make them grow.  That’s why ALL of these programs include specific upperbody work as well, and only charlatans are out there trying to convince you otherwise.  BUT, it ALSO means that you don’t need to absolutely slaughter the small muscles in order to make them grow.  The folks doing THAT tend to be the ones that are trying to avoid the REAL hard work that comes with these long/hard sets of squatting and deadlifting.  If you dedicate yourself to hard work on these 1-2 movements, you’ll find you’ll get the growth you’re looking for.

 

**THE TAKEAWAY**

Maui probably spent a lot of time under load as well

 

If you’re a newer trainee, trying to build up a baseline and grow at a reasonable rate, it’s worth the time and energy to do some hard squatting/deadlifting in your training.  When you look at the high levels dudes that no longer squat or deadlift, you’re observing folks that “earned their wings” sweating and grinding away at the basics and are in a place where it’s no longer necessary.  That’s a great goal to strive for: get there by putting in the work now!

RECLAIMING HUMANITY: WALK AND PLAY (AN ANNEX TO "CHAOS IS THE PLAN")

One of the most positives things I ever did for myself, in terms of physical transformation, was include at least 2 miles of walking into my daily routine.  Writing out that sentence is odd, both because “how can walking be that significant” and “why weren’t you walking at least 2 miles a day before you were”?  And those two questions co-existing explains WHY walking is so significant: we’ve fallen out of the habit of engaging in basic human movement as a result of the luxuries of technology and, in turn, have lost some of our humanity.  We traded it for technology.  In turn, in order to transform physically, we must regain that aspect of our humanity, so that WE can be whole and, in turn, transform in totality.

No matter what we transform: let's go in a good direction

Which is WHY daily walking is NOT part of the 3 sentences: walking should be a foregone conclusion.  As a human being, you should simply be walking in general.  That was do not walk regularly these days is a reflection on how technology has pacified us, and is, in turn, quite alien to our design and our biology.  Your parents and grandparents walked a TON, and they did NOT consider it exercise or training: it was simply how they were going to get from point A to point B.  This resulted in a significant amount of daily non-exercise activity, which, along with significantly less access to process junk (which we resolve by a nutritional protocol of meat and eggs) resulted in a populace that could not FATHOM the notion of an obesity epidemic.  In point of fact, when you read writings about muscle and health and fitness from that era (The Complete Keys to Progress is excellent in that regard) the primary concern among adolescent males was how to stop being so goddamn SKINNY.  It’s how Charles Atlas rose to fame with his comic book advertisements, guaranteeing the ability to turn a 98lb weakling into a He-man.  When you look at the physiques that were being pursued, they were most pro-wrestler than bodybuilder: beefy, burly, and smooth.  

There are TONS of resources and opinions out there on the subject of walking.  I started walking 2 miles a day because Jamie Lewis said to do so in his “Feast, Famine and Ferocity” protocol, and once I saw what a gamechanger it was, I kept it up.  Dan John likes to do 1 hour workouts in Easy Strength, where whatever time is left after the weight workout is time spent walking.  If you like, you can add load (weight vests or heavy hands), distance, vary your speed, etc, but ultimately, this is simply about getting back to your roots and engaging in regular, basic physical movement.     

Don't make it stupid

Part of the other missing element of our humanity is the element of play.  Once again, prior to the boon of technological entertainment, humans engaged regularly in “play”: physical entertainment.  Kids would climb trees, play war, engage in all manner of pick-up sports, go swimming, hiking, exploring, adventuring, and, in general, getting hot, dirty and sweaty until the streetlights came on and it was time to come inside for dinner.  Adults regularly engaged in some manner of play as well, even if it was simply getting together with the guys for a few rounds of bowling (you know you’re getting old when you’re sore the next day from bowling), playing in the company softball league, some friendly neighborhood basketball, golfing, etc etc.  Again, these are NOT significantly taxing physical activities, they’re NOT training, but they’re NOT supposed to be: they’re simply “play”.  It’s basic, human physical activity which, over enough repetition, will contribute toward a fully functioning physical system and, ultimately, a fully functional human.  “Play” is NOT prescribed in the 3 sentences of “Chaos is the Plan”, because it’s simply an assumed activity that one will engage in AS A HUMAN.

Which is to say, if you are not regularly engaging in some manner of play: start.  Yes, “intentional play” tends to be something of an oxymoron, but we’ve been so inundated with non-physical play these days that it’s going to take some intent in order to turn the ship around and get headed in the right direction.  Find some sort of physical play activity to engage in and do so regularly.  Take up some shadowboxing or rope skipping, go buy a cheap Frisbee or football and throw it around, go for a fun-run, go out into nature and hike, explore and see what kind of trouble you can get into.  Don’t turn it into a workout, don’t time yourself, don’t try to be the absolute very best at something: just go out and play.  

Work and play: you gotta keep 'em separated

No joke: a dog is a great way to take care of these two bits of reclaiming humanity.  Dog is man’s best friend and, in turn, loves it when we are being ALL that is human.  A dog wants to be walked, and it wants to be played with, and they will be a great companion for both of those activities.  And if you’re a parent, the next time you’re blitzed out on your couch from a hard day at work, give a look over at your kiddo and ask if they wanna go for a walk or go throw the Frisbee around.  Kids honestly just want to BE with you, and they tend to help us maximize our own potential because we want to raise THEM to be the best THEY can be.  And if you are childless and dogless, you can most likely find adult recreational leagues to join or new activities to try out.  YMCAs are still around and still offer classes and courses, there is almost always a martial arts program out there for someone, I bet someone on your facebook market is teaching Tai Chi or Yoga or something.  Heck, I went to a renaissance faire a few weeks ago, and there are communities of people that put on armor and fight with swords: that sounds absolutely awesome!  Just go out and play.

Aside from being additional activity, the benefits of walking and playing are numerous, and wholly beneficial under the banner of “Chaos is the Plan”.  Walking and playing can have outstanding physique transformation benefits: if one is overweight, while one is walking and playing, they are NOT eating, which is a plus.  I’ve been a big fan of going for a walk when a craving hits, then seeing if it’s still there when the walk is done.  If it is: I’ll indulge.  I clearly want the food, and at least I built up some appetite for it.  Which also shows the opposite side of the coin there: walking and playing can build up a substantial appetite, and it’s very easy to “eat back” the calories lost from either activity.  One can easily “undo” 60 minutes of walking with 30 seconds of eating.  But regularly engaging in walk and play also helps build up and maintain the physical qualities that don’t get touch from picking things up off the floor and putting them overhead.  Engaging in a VARIETY of play (please don’t use this as an opportunity to master one new activity: that’s training) means developing mobility, flexibility, stability and strength through a variety of different movement planes, along with improving general physical preparedness (GPP) by, well, being GENERALLY prepared for just about anything.  Walking, in turn, is simply outstanding low impact activity that can aid in digestion, reduce blood sugar levels, and give us a chance to engage in quiet inner reflection, listen to podcasts, and ultimately clear our heads and get ourselves centered and sorted.

Check out The Rock walking AND ready to play!

Chaos is the Plan.  You have your 3 sentences to dictate how to eat and TRAIN for physical transformation, but don’t neglect reclaiming your humanity as well.

WHEN IN DOUBT: STEAK AND EGGS

In previous writings, as a nod to both Dan John and, surprisingly, Paul Carter espoused the value of PBJs (peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) as staples of nutrition and an analogy for training as well, in the instance of a “high speed/low drag” approach to the question “what am I going to eat?”  But, of course, there’s no room for PBJs in “Chaos is the Plan: The Plan”, so allow me to give you the equivalent: steak and eggs.  And, in turn, along with “Chaos is the Plan”, we have another rallying cry: “When in doubt: steak and eggs”.

 

These guys are soon going to become the blog mascot 

 

I have replied with that very response in SO many instances when questioned on nutrition, because, ultimately: it answers pretty much EVERY question. 

 

> “What do I eat for breakfast?”

> “What do I eat for dinner?”

> “What can I bring to work/school?”

> “What do I buy at the grocery store?”

> “What do I order at the restaurant?”

> “What do I meal prep for the week?”

> “What do I make for my family to eat?”

> “What do I eat to gain weight?  To lose weight?”

 

You can see how the possibilities are limitless.  It’s like having a magic 8-ball with only one response, and it ALWAYS works.  When in doubt: steak and eggs.

 

This works too

 

What’s so magical about steak and eggs?  Truthfully nothing of course: it’s simply a source of protein and/or fat (more on that later), but the pairing of the two is a time honored tradition and consistent winner that allows it to be a simple default answer to all questions as needed.  Much like the aforementioned PBJ, it’s not the PERFECT answer, but it’s a pretty good one, and pretty good is pretty good.

 

Steak and eggs is breakfast AND dinner.  I’m honestly not one for nutritional norms (on the first day of my undergrad nutrition course, I had leftover Panda Express orange chicken for breakfast), but if you do find yourself hamstrung by that notion, steak and eggs is a classic breakfast.  In fact, I still have an imprinted memory of watching an “Surviving the Cut” where young United States Marine Corps recruits, having survived the final phase of boot camp known as “the crucible” and graduating from recruit to “Marine” were greeted with a “warrior’s breakfast” of steak and eggs upon their return.  So really: steak and eggs is an outstanding breakfast.  And breakfast for dinner is an outstanding dinner, and steak is in and of itself a traditional “dinner food”, so you’ve got that covered.  And then, if we wanna go with more norming: leftovers are a VERY traditional lunch, so if you have any leftover steak and eggs, you can have it for lunch.  So now we have an answer for your 3 traditional meals-when in doubt: steak and eggs.

Some of ya'll are still operating under this construct for the omnimeal

 

And, of course, that’s all assuming you are confining yourself to norms and “need” 3 meals a day.  If you’ve fully embraced the “eat when hungry until not” portion of the plan, then you can simply say “I’m hungry: what shall I eat?  Ah yes: steak and eggs”.

 

And though “Chaos is the Plan: The Plan” is not specifically about fat loss or muscle building but, instead, letting the body naturally determine its own trajectory based on demand (we hammer it with training, we feed it good nutrition, and we “become that which does”), it’s worth understanding that there are precedents for steak and eggs to achieve both fat loss AND muscle building.  In the instance of the former, we have Vince Gironda’s own “steak and eggs diet”, which was a 5 day on/1 day off approach wherein a trainee would eat two meals a day of 4-6 eggs and .75-1.5lbs of steak.  Vince had a reputation for being able to get bodybuilders in OUTSTANDING conditioning in an era before abuse of diuretics and insulin manipulation, so the proof is in the pudding there.  Do I have a matching example of a trainee that was able to grow in size and strength on a diet of JUST steak and eggs?  …no.  But let’s just apply the common sense on that one: if you eat a lot of protein rich foods and lift weights, you’re bound to get bigger.

Folks, this is a great physique TODAY!  It was otherworldly in it's era.

 

But now comes the question: how do we make this fit “the plan”, when the third sentence is to not repeat the same meal twice in a row?  Once again: this is where steak and eggs shine!  There are SO many different cuts of steak out there to partake in.  Ribeye, sirloin, tri tip, t-bone, filet, picanha, flank steak, skirt steak (this is becoming like the shrimp scene from Forest Gump), London broil, chuck, top/bottom round, cube, “chopped steak” (honestly, it’s hamburger), New York Strip, etc.  And each cut has its own unique protein to fat profile, meaning unlimited possibilities to scale leanness as needed, to say nothing of if you decide to go with grassfed vs grainfed, piedmontese vs angus, etc.  To say nothing of HOW the steak is cooked, both in terms of doneness AND method (smoked vs grilled vs pan fried in butter vs sous vide, etc etc).  And oh my goodness what about eggs?  Poached, hard/soft boiled, over easy/medium/hard, sunny side up, boiled, omelet, frittata, raw, baked like a muffin, etc.  And can we eat just the whites and still call that “eggs”?  Absolutely!  Can we do the same with just the yolks?  You bet we can!

 

Honestly, with just these two food items, you could have a unique meal every single meal of your life until you die.  And that will be in a LONG time, because you’re fueling yourself with some pretty awesome nutrition.

How can just one animal provide us SO much?

 

I talked about tying this to training, but I will say that’s going to be a bit more personal: YOU need to find your “steak and eggs” for training.  “Chaos is the Plan: The Plan” gives you the foundations there: put stuff over your head, have harmony disrupters, and employ level changes.  For me, my steak and eggs is this: the Kalsu WOD.  Kalsu proper is 100 thrusters w/135lbs, but Every Minute on the Minute you do 5 burpees.  I don’t always do the EXACT Kalsu WOD, but I absolutely steal that layout for my workout: have a running clock, put something over my head, change levels, and have my harmony disrupted on the way to my goal.  I KNOW that, if I do that: I will be challenged, and I will be smoked, and I’ll achieve my goals.  And, much like steak and eggs: there are SO many ways to put something over my head and change levels that I could come up with THOUSANDS of different workouts for that and never repeat the same one twice.

 

When in doubt: steak and eggs.  That’s the answer.

RESULTS MATTER: METHODS DON’T

In writing this topic title I realize I’ve just re-written the phrase “the end justifies the means”, which, in turn, is referred to in pop-culture as “Machiavellianism”, which, in turn, saddens me, because Machiavelli expressed SO many more worthwhile ideas than that trite expression (of which I’ve discussed in previous blog posts, around 10 years ago, crazy as that seems), so I’m already off to a terrible start.  But actually, let me go ahead and explain how this is ever slightly so different from that idea, justifying myself to myself.  Both statements are primarily concerned with the end state of our activity: did we achieve our desired goal?  However, whereas “the end justifies the means” is more about expressing the idea that, as long as we achieve our goal, we can justify any atrocities committed along the path, what I hope to express here is more the notion that it does not matter if the method one employs is considered sub-optimal, improper, unscientific or just plain wrong: if the end result is meeting our goals, it is the RIGHT method.  At least, for us it is.  “The end justifies the means” tends to be more about granting ourselves forgiveness FOR using the most effective approach possible, as often effectiveness is in conflict with ethics and morality (the quickest “get rich quick” strategy is to steal from those that have the riches, compared to any method that involves legal acquisition), whereas here, it’s more a notion that, so long as our goal is getting met, it doesn’t matter how we got there.  Because results matter: methods don’t.

An instance where having no rules produced the most awesome 2 part comic ever

 

I see this in both spheres of physical transformation: training and nutrition.  On the training side, I’ve discussed this SO often (as is the case when you write once a week for over a decade: there’s only so many ideas out there), but since it keeps coming up, I can keep discussing it.  There’s a manifold manifestation of this.  The first is a trainee who expressed “I’ve been training for 6 months on this routine and I’m seeing awesome results.  Would someone mind critiquing my plan?”  For one, hyperbole is killing communication (future blog post!), but whenever I hear this I’ll tell the trainee “Dude, if you’re getting AWESOME results, change absolutely nothing!  Be covetous of those results.  Be jealous of them (not envious: learn the difference).  Keep doing WHATEVER it is you are doing to get those results, because getting awesome results is rare air, and to change anything at this point would be foolish!”  Inevitably, they counter with a desire to want to “optimize” their training, at which point my soul dies even more as I realize I’m dealing with “that trainee”.  If your method is getting you results, it doesn’t matter WHAT it is: it’s working.  Keep it up.

 

But “methods don’t matter” extends even further into the training realm of physical transformation, because, once again, in general, methods don’t matter when it comes to training.  They really really don’t.  Dan John said it best “EVERYTHING works…for about 6 weeks.”  Dan says this more to illustrate the fact that any yahoo can slap together a program and it will work for about 6 weeks, whereas a REAL coach can set you up with a multi-year, if not DECADE training protocol, but we can flip the script there and make it a statement of empowerment: everything WILL work.  Sure, the duration of it working may be short, but what amazing assurance to have: it will work!  If you’ve ever had an unreliable vehicle before, you understand the inherent uneasiness of not knowing if a thing will work: you go to turn on the engine and have no idea if it will actually start or not.  The “not knowing” is horrible, but KNOWING that everything WILL work: that is freedom!  In turn: yes, TRY out HIT, or Deep Water, or Dogg Crapp, or 5/3/1, or Juggernaut, of Jamie Lewis’ protocols, or SBS, or whatever the program du jour is, or your very own disaster that you constructed: it WILL work!  So long as you employ the principles of effort, consistency and time/patience, you WILL get results.  And as long as you’re getting results, the method DOES NOT MATTER.  And once the results stop, pick a NEW method that doesn’t matter and use THAT to get results.

I wish I could get these kind of results using a method that doesn't work...

 

And oh my goodness the nutrition sphere is SO up its own butt on this one that a mere blogpost can’t possibly cover the depths of this, and I write this as a person who has annoyed so many of you with my recent proselytizing of my own nutrition, but that verb could not be more perfect, because as much as we talk about the “camps” of training (Crossfit vs Starting Strength vs HIT vs High Volume, etc), nutrition is absolutely a religion, and many will engage in crusade to slaughter all the infidels and let the one true voice ring out.  SO many out there want to believe that nutrition is a machine, such that the pieces of it all have to fit together precisely in order for the mechanism to “work”.  “If I don’t eat the right macro balance, if I don’t eat the exact right amount of calories, if I don’t time my protein exactly right, if I don’t achieve ketosis, if I don’t eat ONLY the ‘right’ foods, my nutrition will fail.”  But how many people do you know that have their nutrition “dialed in” and still look like a melted candle?  And how many people do you know that live off a fast food meal a day and are jacked?  Life’s unfair: but if we TRULY believe that life IS unfair, isn’t that an acknowledgement that life is INDIVIDUAL in turn?  In order for there to BE unfairness, there needs to be inequality between at LEAST two entities, which is an open acknowledgement that, at SOME level, things between two (or more) people are different, and these individual differences can, in turn, manifest in the form of DIFFERING results despite SAME methods.

 

Which, in turn, means, when analyzing nutrition in the realm of physical transformation, one must analyze the RESULTS of the nutrition and not the method.  It does not matter how often you hear that carbohydrates are crucial for growing muscle due to their role in insulin manipulation and their protein sparing nature if YOU personally can forego them and still see results, in much the same way it does not matter how much literature says that one MUST consume .8g of protein per pound of lean bodyweight to grow muscle if you are growing just fine without it.  It does not matter if a certain amount of fat MUST be consumed while low carb in order to trigger ketosis IF you are STILL getting shredded while keeping fats low, nor does it matter what people say about vegan gaining if you’re gaining as a vegan!  There’s over 8 billion humans on the Earth: maybe you’re a mutant.  Maybe you can live off sunshine and happy thoughts.  As long as you are getting the results YOU want, how you are eating is working. 

No one is going to call out your eating when you are Bruce Goddamn Randall

 

People get mixed up because they SAY they want 1 result but actually desire another.  Think of how many trainees SAY they want to be big and strong, but as soon as a gallon of milk a day, or a dozen eggs and 1.5lbs of ground beef a day, or PBJs enter the equation they say “that’s not healthy!”  Suddenly our REAL goals reveal: we want to be healthy and would LIKE to be big and strong.  Herein we observe the REAL takeaway from this all: we must be authentic and true TO OURSELVES insofar as it relates to WHAT our goals are.  We experience anxiety and despair when we exist in a state of self-denial relating to our goals: SAYING we want one thing but ACTUALLY desiring another.  BUT, if our goal is true, and we are truly aligned to it, then the method does not matter: so long as we achieve that goal…well, we achieved our goal.  And with that, we achieve the satisfaction that comes with that achievement.