ON PBJS

 It is absolutely no secret that I am a total unapologetic Dan John fanboy.  My recent posting of “eat the big elephant first” was a total homage to him, and completing his 10k swing challenge in 7 days was made all the more sweeter by him commenting on my work (even if it was most likely VERY tongue in cheek, I’ll take it).  In that regard, his work “Mass Made Simple” dedicates a significant amount of time discussing the merits of a peanut butter and jelly (PBJ) sandwich as a gaining meal.  Specifically: it’s something you’ll actually eat, which is a plus when you’re trying to gain (those of you putting away a dozen eggs a day for 6 weeks on Building the Monolith get this), and, with a low sugar jelly, high fiber bread and some natural peanut butter, it’s honestly not a poor choice nutritionally.  The same people that scoff at eating PBJs tend to be the same people that will rush to put any manner of processed garbage pre-workout or protein/mass gainer supplement into their body without a second thought, or are so concerned with “optimal” nutrition that they can’t understand the point of eating a vegetable, so, in that regard, their opinions don’t matter.  But allow us to further discus the merits of the PBJ, because trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.

You have missed the mark so hard here

 

First, many of my non-American readers are most likely already baffled at a PBJ in the first place, possibly even asking “what is jelly?”  You may know it as jam, but it’s a fruit spread.  The PBJ’s origin is war born, which already makes it hardcore.  Soldiers were allotted bread along with peanut butter and jelly (among other food items) in their food rations on the front line and took to making sandwiches out of the ingredients, then returned home and brought the habit with them, much like prisoners that understand the fine art of combining ramen with canned tuna.  From there, it grew into a staple foodstuff for children across the world…until everyone seemed to develop peanut allergies and now they’re banned on school campuses.  But I digress: if you suffer a similar malady, look into sunflower butter: it’s delicious!

 

And herein we see the beauty of the PBJ: it answers SO many questions.  It’s a meal you can make in a foxhole without any cooking equipment, it gives you energy to fight a war or to grow from a child into an adult (if you’ve never watched a hungry kid going through a growth spurt eat before, it’s insane how much food they can put away), it’s got complete nutrition, it’s healthy “enough”, and it just plain tastes good.  In turn, the PBJ is my answer to SO many nutritional questions.  I spend a lot of time on subreddits and forums where dudes who have ZERO cooking skills are looking to gain, and my answer is always the same: “PBJ”.  “What is a snack I can bring to school/work that doesn’t require refrigeration and is good for gaining?”  PBJ.  “What’s a good breakfast?”  PBJ.  “The day is about to end and I need to mainline some calories.”  PBJ.  Pre-training meal?  Post-training meal?  Intra-training meal?  It just keeps on coming back.

We got you covered

 

And really, I could stop writing right now and be content, but I’m using this post to share with you my “PBJ” philosophy.  I love how the PBJ proper is the one-stop shop for all questions of nutrition, and, in turn, I stumbled across my own PBJ for training.  And ironically enough (warning: not real irony), I discovered it WHILE undertaking the 10k swing challenge from PBJ Prophet Dan John.

 

Allow me to present: THE PBJ

* TABEARTA-Bear Barbell Complexes (a clean into a front squat into a strict press, catch the bar on the back, squat, press over head, return to floor) done in the Tabata protocol of 20 seconds on/10 seconds off for 8 rounds (total of 4 minutes).  I use 95lbs and I get 3 complexes per round by turning it into a Cluster (clean into a thruster) into a back squat thruster.  You are moving FAST if you do that.

* Transition immediately to 5 minutes of burpee chins.  Don’t slack here. The temptation will be to dog it to recover from TABEARTA, but you wanna keep that heart rate jacked.  It helps to establish a baseline goal rep total during this time.

* Finish up with 50kb swings.  I use a 40kg bell, so ideally you want something on the heavier side.

 

This takes a little over 10 minutes, and has become my training PBJ.  It’s what I do when I don’t know what else to do.  If I have 10 minutes and need to train: I do a PBJ.  If I have 20 minutes, I can do 2 of them, just like how, if you are hungry after your PBJ, you can have a second one.  OR, I can do a PBJ and something else, like having a PBJ with a side of something

 

PBJ+Monument to Non-Existence=Sabin Figaro, because you can't wage war on an empty stomach

 

What makes this a PBJ?  Because it covers everything good enough.

Go through your Dan John checklist: push, pull, hinge, squat, loaded carry.  We’re only missing one of those things here, and that’s simply because I’m doing this in a confined space.  Otherwise: vertical pushes during BEAR, horizontal pushes on the burpee.  Pulls on the clean of the bear and the chin of the burpee chin.  Hinge in the BEAR and swing.  Squat in Bear and Burpee Chins. 

 

Is it conditioning?  It certainly is!  We’re doing Tabata, then we’re doing 5 minutes sustained effort, and then an all out blast for a little over a minute.  What tools do we get to train?  Barbell, bodyweight AND kettlebell.  We get to groove the barbell squat from the front AND the back, and our clean and swing gets us some deadlift work.  Are we getting stronger?  Absolutely!  Bigger?  Certainly: you’re hitting ALL the muscles here.

Don't be that guy

 

And like a true PBJ: modifications are possible, if not recommended.  Hell, when I eat a PBJ these days, it’s on keto bread with no sugar added jelly/applebutter/whatever, and in my past life I would use sourdough and honey.  Some of you grew up with parents that lovingly cut the crust off your bread: some of you had to get that experience by buying an “Uncrustable” (protip: they’re better frozen than thawed), some like diagonal cuts, some like vertical, some just eat the whole damn thing, some use almond butter or sunflower seed butter, some use toasted bread, etc etc.  The PBJ of exercise is no different.  I know a dude that uses double snatches instead of swings for the kettlebell work, you can go heavier on the Bears or lighter and go for more reps per round, you could wear a weight vest for the whole thing, go longer on the burpee chins, more reps on the swings, etc etc.  It’s YOUR PBJ: make sure it fills you up and hits the spot.

 

PBJs are the answer to everything.  If you’re ever in doubt, go for a PBJ and then you can move on to the next meal.

BODY BY CHAOS

  

“Chaos is the plan”.  Ever since I wrote it, I’ve been equally a fan of myself for having come up with the expression and upset with myself for having not come up with it sooner.  Much like one of my readers that complimenting my “brute force and ignorance” approach to training and nutrition and me instantly getting upset that I never thought to name the blog that (seriously: it would have been EVEN better than “Mythical Strength”), “chaos is the plan” just sums things up so well.  And as we follow that plan, what’s interesting is that we get to observe just WHAT chaos being the plan produces.  Specifically, we become the embodiment of chaos, for we, in turn, develop a body produced by and from chaos.  And what a fascinating thing that is to observe.

Seems to be working well for this dude

 

SO many people in the world of training are fans of the principle of specificity referred to as “Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands”, or “SAID” for short.  That cute acronym ties in so neatly with having SMART goals (Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound).  Hell: both of those even include “specific” in them: a match made in heaven.  For those of you who have thankfully NOT suffered through hours of leadership/fitness presentations, the first principle basically speaks to the idea that the body will specifically adapt to the demand imposed upon it.  This is a simple concept: if you lay down on a bench and bench a heavy single every day, the body will become a heavy benching machine.  It won’t grow giant legs in response to the demand, your heart rate won’t improve, you won’t get better lung capacity: you become a machine dedicated to benching.  “SMART goals” is pretty self-explanatory, and basically serves as a guide to ensure that, when you develop a goal, you develop one that can actually be accomplished.  The absence of one of the SMART principles tends to interrupt one’s ability to achieve a goal…

 

But f**k me: how boring is all of that?  Achievable?  Why do I want an ACHIEVABLE goal?  Know what you get when you achieve a goal?  Ennui.  Dan John talks about the pain of achieving goals.  There is such a letdown when you actually get that brass ring, as there was far more passion and drive in the PURSUIT of the goal than there ever was in the achievement of it.  It’s why Vegeta is such a better character than Goku, why Clubber Lang was far more appealing the Rocky, why we “root for the underdog”: it’s the PURSUIT that is fascinating.  I’m not trying to be Kaz or Mariusz or Poundstone: I wanna be Cain Marko.  And that’s just ONE aspect of “SMART” I take issue with.  Let’s just be Sisyphus here folks.  My goals are not at all time-bound because they’re not achievable, and relevancy went out the window a long time ago.  We’re gonna push this rock up this hill forever.

Or combine it all and be Cain Marko pushing the Hulk up a hill forever!

 

But let’s get back to SAID.  The body will specifically adapt to the demand imposed upon it…but what if?  What if the demand imposed upon it ISN’T specific?  What if we hammer it with heavy lifting sometimes, hard conditioning sometimes, running sometimes, walking sometimes, 3 minute workouts, 30 minute workouts, 90 minute workouts, sometimes kettlebells, sometimes barbells, sometimes bodyweight?  What specific adaptation will the body make in the absence of specificity? 

 

It becomes awesome!  It becomes capable!  It becomes “more trouble than it’s worth”, because it can do SO many things, because it’s been subjected to so much ridiculous stimulus that it decided “f**k: looks like I need to be ready for ANYTHING”.  And not only that: it becomes better AT adapting.  It can rapidly shift gears because THAT is its own skillset.

Unlike some others out there...

 

When I took on the 10k swing challenge in 7 days, I could observe improvements DAY TO DAY in my ability to swing a kettlebell and recover from the training.  My body was THIRSTING for specificity, such that, when finally GIVEN an opportunity to employ SAID, it rapidly embraced it.  It was so used to being a pure being of chaos that, when finally given an opportunity to do something a few times in a row, it became remarkably proficient at it.

 

It’s the same whenever I go on my multi-month long binges of some sort of “new hotness”, like Tabata front squats or 5 minutes of ABCs or my current daily “TABEARTA” thing.  The first session sucks, and then, within the week, I’m dialed in, and I can ride it out until my brain starts melting down from TOO MUCH SPECIFICITY and I HAVE to change it up.

Like the worse game of horse ever

 

Hell, it’s the same with warming up, and my complete lack of it.  The vast majority of my workouts are done WITHOUT warming up than with.  I want my body to be able to act immediately upon demand, without prep and without warning.  Hell: wouldn’t you?  Doesn’t that seem more valuable?

 

And yes, this post has become incredibly self-congratulatory, but f**k it, I’m a case study of n=1 regarding my own insanity and if I don’t share no one else will know.  I bring that up because I’m turning 37 in Oct, I’ve never prioritized physique, and I can ACCIDENTALLY cut down to stupidly lean levels by getting too busy to eat and my training is so looney tunes that I never worry about overeating: I’m far too concerned about under-recovering.  My body is constantly primed to grow, because it’s essentially living in total fear of my brain and is champing at the bit to “adapt to the chaos”.  It soaks up nutrients and produces results because it NEEDS to: it is a body by chaos.

I don't count calories or macros because that takes away from the time I need to spend EATING so that I don't get rhabado

 

For those of you struggling, for those of you experiencing inadequate results, for those of you that are unsatisfied: why not introduce a little chaos into your life?  Why not try to produce your own body by chaos?  We’ve seen what the body by convention tends to look like these days: it’s unimpressive.  We’ve see what the body by the party approved training plans is producing: it’s underwhelming.  What have you got to lose from trying out a little chaos and seeing what comes out the other side?  Throw away the recipe book and make yourself a real stew out of intuition.  Let effort be the sole determinant of your plan and chaos be your guide.  Roll die to determine your workout and get after it.  Throw some darts.  Spin the globe and see where it lands.  You may find that what is produced is far greater than anything you could have achieved had you actually set out for it.

PROGRESSIVE OVERLOAD? NO: PROGRESSIVE OVERCOME!

It’s funny: when I first discovered the idea of progressive overload, it DID seem like some sort of dark wizardry.  You mean, instead of going to the gym every day and just randomly picking some exercises and seeing what I can do with them, I should have a log and try to do more than I did last time?  And it worked!  …yet, now, I find trainees are confused by this concept I found INCREDIBLY simple.  Frequently, I observe some poor lost soul who is struggling to grasp HOW they will progressively overload their 8kg curls for 3x10 when, upon moving up to the 10kg, they can only do 1 set before it all goes to Hell.  Or they wonder what is to happen when they inevitably reach some sort of plateau and can no longer add more weight to the bar from workout to workout.  And I realize from this that, once again, the messiah pointed to the heavens and man looked at his finger.  Folks: we’re not progressively overLOADING to achieve physical transformation: we’re progressively overCOMING.

Will to Powerlifting...pretty sure I've made that joke before

Let’s to back to the intro: wanna know WHERE I discovered progressive overload?  My University’s weightroom.  Specifically, someone gave me a copy of Pavel Tsastouline’s “Beyond Bodybuilding” and I read about Milo of Croton and the idea of adding reps until I hit rep goals and then adding weight (DOUBLE progression…SUPER Soviet secrets).  Up until that point, I was just being a meathead, coming into the gym like it was a brand new day each time, picking a few pet lifts, going hard, then going home.  I grew from that just fine, but I ALSO grew quite well once I started logging my workouts and actively trying to beat the log book…which, in retrospect, was some sort of periodization now that I look at it.  But anyway, consider this: I discovered this as a University Student…WHY is that relevant?

 

Because I had the luxury of BEING a University student.  I had a fixed schedule, I ate in a dinning hall where someone ELSE made all my meals and cleaned my dishes, I lived in a dorm where I wasn’t paying for electricity and water (directly…oh they get theirs with those dorm fees).  I had a VERY comfortable existence, where my obligation was to spend every day getting smarter so I could eventually graduate.  This REALLY isn’t much different than the existence of the fabled Soviet athletes where we got all those cool studies that Louie Simmons worked alchemy on to come up with Westside Barbell: I was a professional loafer who got to lift weights and eat way too much.  I even went so far as to supplement my dinning hall food intake by befriending several members of the fairer sex who were more than willing to sponsor and up and coming “neverwas” in the world of strength sports by buying me extra meals at the on campus restaurant.  I could NOT have been in a better position to make predictable, fixed, steady increases on my lifts workout to workout.

 

Learn from the pros folks!

Which is WHY progressive overload seemed like magic when I first discovered it: I was THE ideal candidate to employ it.  For those of us living in REALITY (don’t let anyone tell you that full time University student living is reality, that sh-t is magic and you should TREASURE it), we find that “chaos is the plan”.  Some days, we slept for 3 hours because the kid was up all night throwing up and all we had to eat was a handful of Cheerios before we got to the gym, and other times we are fully rested, well fed, and ready.  Are we really going to expect the same, predictable, linear, fixed increases workout to workout when what’s happening OUTSIDE the workout is so chaotic?  Absolutely not!  Sometimes, we are positioned to feast, and other times we famine…which is why we need to look BEYOND mere reps, sets and weight on the bar.

 

We do not “progressively overload”: we progressively overCOME.  What does this mean?  It means: there’s a REASON my pre-University approach WAS “just show up and send it”.  Because that DOES work.  Yes, there are tangible, physical variables we can attempt to control, like reps, sets and weight on the bar, but the OTHER variable we can control is “effort applied to the training”.  And THAT variable is where the REAL magic lives.  These days, it’s legit the ONLY variable I care about.  And yes: I KNOW I just wrote a post about squatting 5x10x405, which is a listing of sets, reps and weight, but appreciate that I picked that specific amalgamation BECAUSE of the degree of effort it necessitated in order to achieve it.  I did not feel that there was anything magical about hitting that specific combination of sets and reps: as though 5x10x400 would have achieved nothing and 5x10x410 would mean a level of muscularity that would put Heracles to shame.  No: it was simply a dragon to chase such that, in the pursuit of it, I would have to continually “progressively overcome”.

You might not ever get it out of the stone, but in trying to do so, you're going to get pretty jacked

 

Because it is the act of overCOMING that results in physical transformation.  When we take on a challenge, suffer through the journey, and come out the other side: we are transformed.  Upon my racking of that 50th rep of 405lbs, I had overcome SO much, and, in turn, I was transformed.  The same is true every week when I finish the “Monument to Non-Existence”, or after every 5 minute session of Armor Building Complexes or 4 minute of “TABEARTA”.  And, in turn, the same is true whenever I show up to a workout NOT ready to perform, wanting to be ANYWHERE else but there, and STILL give it my full effort.  When I tore my tricep recently, I lost my ability to deadlift heavy, so I came up with THIS monstrosity of a workout

 

I genuinely get mad at myself for coming up with these things

 

You’re probably not going to watch 45 minutes of me doing a total of 10x10 axle deadlifts and 10x10 SSB squats, but rest assured: there was a LOT of overcoming that happened through that process.  And, in turn, I grew.  Physically yes, but otherwise too.

 

So let THAT be your guide.  When you go to train, aim to continue to overcome better and harder than you did before.  And you’ll know if you’re meeting the mark or not.  I take on challenges these days that would absolutely have broken my past self, but not just make me bored.  I matched my lifetime PR on Axle Grace after not training it for 6 months, just because I had built such a strong foundation of overcoming that I could just rip the axle off the floor and crush the workout.  I now do TABERTA for 3 complexes per round AFTER getting in 1430 kettlebell swing.  You will surpass your previous self so hard you’ll lap it, so long as you let yourself focus on always striving, in some way, shape or form, to experience the sensation of overcoming the adversity of the situation and coming out the other side transformed.

NETFLIX AND STALL

 

To the surprise of no one who is familiar with me, I don’t watch much television.  I get up before 0330 on most days to be able to get my training in, and the remainder of my day is filled up with work, cooking, eating, cleaning up from those activities, and spending time with my family.  If I do watch TV, I get about 30 minutes to do so.  I have TONS of streaming services to pick from, and with that TONS of new series and movies to watch.  What do I end up watching?  An episode of “Nailed It” or “House MD” or “Futurama” that I’ve seen about a hundred times before.  Why?   Because I KNOW it will deliver. Because you never feel more sheepish than when you have a half hour to watch TV and you spend that ENTIRE half hour deciding what to watch.  Why do I even bring this up?  Because all you folks looking to be optimal are just scrolling Netflix right now: just pick a show you like and watch it!

"But he was better on Daredevil..."

 

Oh yes: we’re running with this metaphor.  I’m too proud of it to let it go.  The comedy of pursuing optimization is that, in the PURSUIT of it, you end up with SUB-optimal results, and, through sheer irony, even WORSE results than those who just picked a plan and went with it.  The person scrolling Netflix watched NO television: the person who picked something they had already seen before watched SOME television.  FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): was there a possibility that one of those folks could have watched something AMAZING?  Sure: but we observe the opportunity cost inherent in the pursuit of that. 

 

It's no different with training.  So many dudes are out there chasing the optimal dragon that they never get a chance to actually sit down and watch TV.  They’re always changing, tweaking, modifying or completely jumping ship to the next shiny object that they don’t ever actually get to TRAIN and get some results.  Meanwhile, the dudes that just picked A program to follow, put their head down and followed it GET results.  They actually get to WATCH TV.  And again, there’s your irony.  People want “optimal” because they want the most results with the least effort…and they put in a TON of effort in the pursuit of optimal while getting NO results.  The dudes going with “sub-optimal” protocols get MORE and BETTER results, because we constantly forget to factor in time and opportunity cost into the equation.  For every day you spend NOT committing to a plan and moving forward in your pursuit of a “better way”, that better way needs to be able to compensate for that amount of time lost.  The difference between optimal and sub-optimal is so insignificant that this is simply a losing battle.

It ain't like this

We’re gonna keep going.  “How do I know what to do if I’m a beginner?”  There are some CLEAR classics on TV.  The whole world knows about them.  Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, House MD, Futurama, etc.  It’s no different in the world of training.  Super Squats, 5/3/1, Juggernaut Method: programs that EVERYONE succeeds on.  “The rate of progress is TOO slow!”  It’s faster than what you’ve got now dude!  So far, you’re moving in REVERSE.  Let’s at least get moving FORWARD and then we’ll go from there.  We’ve got 30 minutes: let’s go pick a show we KNOW we’ll like.

 

And if we DO decide we want to watch something different, these streaming services have cool little algorithms that can figure out something we may like based on our interests.  Hey: we have that in reality too!  If you like a program, you can look at other programs from the same author (5/3/1 Forever has 50 programs in it alone), or you can look at programs from the person that mentored that author OR someone that author mentored.  You can look at programs that the author THEMSELF has run or promoted.  Or you can find other people that have run the program you like and, if those folks display success, ask them what else they like (it’s like when you ask your family and friends for television show recommendations: oh my god this metaphor!)

 

Somethings go together like peanut butter and jelly...this is not one of those things

But I get it: sometimes, we get sick of the rut, and something looks REALLY promising on the “you may like” list, so we dive in to a new series.  That’s fine, but here’s the thing: we MUST accept the consequences of this decision.  If it’s a bad show: we wasted our half hour.  BUT, if it’s a good show, maybe we picked up a new favorite!  And maybe a middle ground occurs: the show itself wasn’t great, but it linked us up with a show in that genre that we discover BECAUSE we took that risk, and we like THAT show.  In all instances, we MUST learn lessons from our experience.  That’s the value OF experience.  If the show was awful, we say “no more from THAT director”.   If the show was good, we can explore deeper.  If there was an element we liked but we didn’t totally fall in love, we learn to look for that element.

And give new shows a chance to GET good!  When I first started watching Breaking Bad, I couldn’t stand it.  I had heard what an amazing show it was, but the first half of the first season was SO slow…but I had heard from ENOUGH people that it was worth it (OH MY GOD, slow progression, trusting the process, listening to people who have “been there”, you can’t make this up!)  Once I got to the end of season 1, I could NOT STOP WATCHING.  Had I abandoned the show at the first sign of it sucking, I never would have been able to have that experience.  It’s the same with your training: give new programs a fair shake.  Give new methods a fair try.  You never WASTE time training IF you learn from the experience.  The only way it can be a waste is if you refuse to accept responsibility for your decisions and try to pawn it off on some external entity.  It’s ok to make a “bad decision”, so long as, from that, we now have a new tool in the toolkit to help us make good decisions.

Still a great album

 

Because here’s the dirty secret that no one wants you to know: all programs work.  They absolutely do.  Some work for longer durations than others, some are more sustainable than others, but they all work: it’s simply a matter of if they work for YOU.  It’s a question of matching up your personality to the program that suits it.  Much like how not everyone likes to watch cooking shows, not everyone is going to jive on a program that is based around Rate of Perceived Exertion.  Some folks will, no joke, have a meltdown if they do NOT get to bust out a spreadsheet and a sliderule to be able to plot out their exact sets and reps for the next week.  I am of the meathead inclination, and want as little math and numbers as possible, and will instead just slap plates on a bar and squat it until blood comes out of me from where.  BOTH WORK!  …just not necessarily for the same person.  So go find the shows that you like to watch and go watch them!