SURRENDER YOUR FATE TO THE 20 SIDED DIE

  

Those of you who grew up WITHOUT having your own lunch thrown at you by athletes and burnouts missed out on one of the most valuable decision making tools Gary Gygax (RIP…which proves Nietzsche right that God is dead) ever introduced to the world: the 20 sided die.  And from how highly I’m speaking of it, you may think that what I am writing about couldn’t possibly be as simple as it sounds, but it is exactly what it is: a die (as in the kind you toss/roll) that has numbered sides 1-20.  This is the cornerstone of any game of Dungeons and Dragons, and the hallmark of the franchise.  It is unique, yes, but also simple.  It is the decider of fate, outcome, results and effort.  Other die are used within the game, most definitely, but the 20 sider is your constant companion, because it is the “go to” die for the majority of actions in a game.  And, in truth, it would appear that MANY of you may need to start packing your own 20 sider, because it would solve a LOT of your problems.

I should have captioned this NSFW for the true nerds

 

Once again, for a brief overview for my uncultured readers: Dungeons and Dragons is essentially a game of make believe with rules.  It’s typically sold as “you can be anyone and do anything”, but really it’s more you can ATTEMPT to be anyone and do anything.  The tyrant of your fate is: the die.  Any time you attempt to take any sort of action in a game, like swing a sword at an enemy, cast a spell, try to bluff your way past some guard, etc etc, you roll a 20 sided die to determine if you succeed.  High rolls are good, low are bad.  1 is an automatic failure, and typically tragically so (you wanted to hit the Orc with your sword and end up dropping your weapon), 20 is an automatic success and can be spectacular (you wanted to hit the Orc with your sword and actually cut his head clean off).  Yes, some things simply can’t be rolled to success (no matter how many 20s you roll, you can’t eat the sun at level 1), but for the most part, rolling 20 sided die is how you navigate the world.   

 

So what does this have to do with lifting?  So many of you dudes can’t make a decision if your life depended on it, and the introduction of the almighty 20 sider would alleviate SO much of your anxiety and allow you to just move on with your life.  Because the truth is, the only bad decision is NO decision.  Inaction will always be worse than action.  “But what if I pick the wrong action and I get injured!  That’s surely WORSE than delaying an action!”  NOPE.  What happens when you get injured?  You LEARN something.  You discover your limits, get first-hand experience on rehab and recovery, and (if you’re not dead on the inside) figure out how to get creative in order to train around, over and through an injury.  “What if I pick a ‘bad’ program and make no progress?!”  Cool: you LEARNED something.  Do you know how many bad training cycles I went through in order to discover how to put together a GREAT one?  And meanwhile, here’s a dirty secret “the industry” doesn’t want you to know: you CAN’T train hard without getting SOME sort of physical benefit.  Mark Rippetoe just did a spit take (from his gallon of milk, of course), because god-forbid you do some exercising instead of “training”, but pushing your body hard and getting your heart rate up will result in SOME physical benefit, even if your 1rm doesn’t go up. 

I dunno: the effects of training vs exercise seem a little up for debate still...

 

No matter how much Jim Wendler says “the assistance work doesn’t matter”, people STILL ask questions about it.  So here’s what you do: assign 20 different exercises a number for upper body push, pull and single leg, core.  Roll the die 3 times: you just decided your exercises for the day.  How many reps per set?  Roll the die.  Or how many sets?  Roll the die.  Or how much weight?  Roll the die and add a 0 at the end as needed.  “I can’t think of anything to do for conditioning!”  Sure you can, but whatever: roll the die.  Looks I’m doing…EMOM…thrusters….10 reps…20 rounds.  Or maybe you end up AMRAP power cleans with 140lbs for 8 minutes. 

 

Folks, it doesn’t stop there: no joke, if you can’t figure out what program to run, roll the die.  Can’t figure out what diet to follow?  Roll the die.  What should be my cheat meal?  Die.  Not feeling it today, should I skip?  Die.  Is it time for a deload?  I’ll tell you one thing: it’s time for a die roll!  None of these decisions are NEARLY as critical as you think they are, because the timeline for training is SO stupidly long and there are SO many different approaches available that if you make a “wrong” decision you can just ride it out until the opportunity to make another one comes along.  Again: engaging in physical exercise and mindful eating is pretty much ALWAYS going to produce more good than harm, irrespective of the details.  It’s why every single diet “works”: when you simply start THINKING about what you put in your body, you already are doing yourself WAY more good than the mindless scavenger-esque eating that the average person engages in.  When you start engaging in regular physical exercise, no matter WHAT that exercise is, you do yourself a greater benefit compared to the sedentary lifetime of the average person.  I have a buddy of mine that was a lifetime picky eater: only ate frozen pizza, pasta without sauce and plain Burger King Whoppers.  He did zero exercise.  He dropped 30lbs by picking up “Dance Dance Revolution” and eating half a frozen pizza per meal instead of a whole one.  Consequently, he was also a DnD buddy of mine.  He rolled a 20 sider. 

Someone rolled a 1...

 

I am not joking: go to a hobby store sometime today and go get a 20 sided die.  Let it decide your fate.  For how long?  Roll the die and see.