SERIOUSLY: YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES

 

Dan John was the first to shame me this way (not directly of course, he’s too classy for that), and now it’s my turn.  When Dan did so, it was with the Tabata protocol.  Already the nerds with the pocket protectors (NOT the super cool “Dungeons and Dragons” nerds) are up in arms because Tabata can ONLY be done on an exercise bike and can ONLY be done if your heart rate reaches and exact specific threshold and even THEN you’re not DOING IT RIGHT…but for the rest of us living here on Earth, we appreciate what Dan meant when he wrote about it.  And for those of you living under a rock, let me give you the wave tops: 8 rounds of interval training: 20 seconds of work, 10 seconds of rest, meaning a total of 4 minutes of exercise.

For many of you, I've exceeded your math quotient for the day

 

When done correctly, they are the longest 4 minutes of your life. I have had anxiety attacks THINKIN about these 4 minute workouts.  I have spent 10 minutes convincing myself to do 4 minutes of work.  I have planned whole days around 4 minutes.

 

…but, ultimately, it’s 4 minutes of work.  Everyone has 4 minutes a day.  If you somehow don’t, try this trick: set your alarm clock for 2 minutes earlier in the morning, and go to bed 2 minutes earlier in the evening.  Instant 4 minutes.

We miss you George

 

Also, if I’m ever feeling lonely, I start one of these workouts.  Inevitably, someone will call my phone at the 5th round and I’ll have stop, recompose myself enough to answer the phone, field the phone call…and then start the whole thing over again, which REALLY sucks.

 

But, of course, now I have to address the elephant in the room: the blog post title says FIVE minutes: not four.  Why?  Because I’ve taken it upon myself to tackle Dan John’s standard of 30 Armor Building Complexes (ABCs) with the 24kg bells in 5 minutes.  For those unfamiliar with it, the ABC is 2 cleans, 1 press and 3 front squats. 

 

 

Dan makes reference to this with such cavalier disregard that it seems like a triviality to accomplish, but so far my best is 26, and it’s a soulbreaker.  But, for the past 6ish months now, I’ve been doing 5 minutes of Armor Building Complexes every day, watching the numbers slowly tick up.  And before that, I was doing Tabata double kettlebell front squats every day for a similar length of time.  Both of which, by the way, are ideas that Dan considers to be pretty silly, with the expectations being that these workouts will floor you and require very much in the form of recovery.

 

Which is honestly part of why I started doing these things in the first place: because good, sensible people thought it was a bad idea to do so, so or COURSE I had to do it.  Because ultimately I’m trying to “be that which does”, and in this case I’m also trying to be something that should not be.  I’m hoping my very existence can disprove reality and force us to reconsider reality itself.  But until that happens, I’ve noticed nothing but positives from this.  My conditioning is just absolutely bonkers, I keep incredibly lean during my gaining phases, I’m getting in so much extra volume in such a small chunk, and, fundamentally, I’m building a great degree of discipline.  Just like making your bed in the morning, or doing the dishes, making sure you get in your 5 minutes of ABCs every day no matter what instills in you a degree of personal ownership and responsibility. 

And because seriously: I have 5 minutes.

Though sometimes I wish I didn't

 

So I’m making this a call-to-action for my readers: take up the mantle and start including one daily 5 minute workout into your life.  I imagine you already engage in regular resistance training, so this will be done IN ADDITION to that.  And it’s done on “off days”, because it’s ONLY 5 minutes of work and won’t interfere with recovery.  If you want to cheat, you can include it with your conditioning work, but hopefully you do more than just 5 minutes of conditioning.  On the weekends, this is the FIRST thing I do in the morning, so that it’s out of the way and done with, and typically from there I use it as a springboard into a slightly longer morning conditioning workout.  Something like: 5 minutes of ABCs into 5 minutes of burpee chins into 5 minutes of KB swings into 3 minutes of burpee chins into 2 minutes of swings for 20 minutes of work.  Or, the other day, I came home from a night shift and immediately did 5 minutes of ABCs, threw on the 80lb vest and walked for 30 minutes, came home and went for as many ABCs as I could do unbroken (got through 10). 

 

Suddenly, you will find yourself looking for little 5 minute chunks in the day when you can slot in your workout, and, in turn, you will become VERY grateful whenever you can find 5 WHOLE minutes in your day.  Here’s my chance to get my workout done!  And then, you learn just how MUCH you can get done with 5 minutes.  Soon, along with 5 minute workouts, you’ll have 5 minute dishwasher emptying, 5 minute laundry folding, 5 minute meal prep, etc etc.  Because, seriously: you have 5 minutes.

Fairly good chance you've used 5 minutes to make a few bad choices too...or you used 3:15 and burned the ever loving F**K out of your mouth

 

I get that not everyone has a set of kettlebells ready to go, but the idea should be clear by now: just do SOMETHING that sucks and get your heart rate up and doesn’t feel great for 5 minutes a day, every day.  And if 5 minutes is a big ask, you can do Tabata instead.  Never let it be said I am not without grace.

 

Some great go to bodyweight movements would be burpees, prisoner squats, mountain climbers and lunges.  The theme there is obvious: move your largest muscles a lot.  Burpees are particularly awesome because they include a level change (going from standing to the floor), which Dan John has pointed out is pretty instrumental to getting the heart rate up.  Just getting up and down from the push up position can be a significant workout, which is why Brian Alsruhe has a challenge where you do 1 push up, stand up, do 2, stand up, etc up to 10, then back to 1.  That standing up is evil.  Hell: do 5 minutes of just getting to the floor and getting back up off it somehow and you’ll feel pretty smoked.

Those of you that grew up in the 90s know that this is the only appropriate song for this situation

 

Have dumbbells?  The world is your oyster.  You CAN do ABCs with them (I did it when I was staying at a hotel, to keep up my streak): they’ll just be a little awkward.  Otherwise, Devil Presses are a fantastic dumbbell movement, especially with hex bells.  Snatches, especially double DB snatches, are a fantastic full body floor to overhead movement, which ALSO ranks up there with “level changes” as something significant to look for when trying to come up with short, burst fire conditioning.  If you get something from the floor over your head, you’re doing reat.  You can do burpess with DBs in hands, dumbbell cleans, thrusters, clusters (a clean into a thruster), swings, clean and press (strict or push), bear crawls with DB in hand, front squats, lunges, etc.

 

Much of the same can be said with kettlebells.  They have the bonus of tending to be a bit more “user friendly” with most of these moves, although Devil Presses work MUCH better with hex bells in my experience.

Plus, they make for great black and white photos

 

Got a barbell set up?  Dan’s original RX with the Tabata work was front squats with 95lbs total (so 25s on the bar).  Give that a go!  Or take it from floor to overhead in some manner.  Or deadlift it. Or power cleans.  There’s really SO much you can do.

 

Either way, you get the point: you’ve got 5 minutes.  You really REALLY do.  So start using it for something worthwhile.